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MDMA frustration

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Thewhitenugget

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Hi guys, something a bit different here but hope it's ok as a thread:

Ever since I started taking MD (about a year ago now) my life has changed. Nothing too drastic, and generally, I think, for the better. My interest in music, my lasting feelings of love towards my friends, both old and new, and my self-confidence and self-awareness, have all improved.

Nonetheless, and I'm sure I'm not alone here, I do think about it all the time. Reminiscing about doing crazy things with random people is something in particular that occupies my mind - I can spend like half an hour just reliving a fist bump with someone I danced with for a minute or so.

When I do think about it, it's kind of bittersweet. I have no regrets but always makes a little bit sad that it was a fleeting and ephemeral thing (not to say that mdma doesn't have lasting beneficial effects). It seems to me that beauty and euphoria of md is both a blessing and a curse.

Anyone got any thoughts or advice on how to cope with the frustration of having mdma on your mind?
 
How frequently have you been using MDMA?

It's my experience that the more I took MDMA and the more I surrounded myself with the people from that 'scene', the more I couldn't help but begin to see it as a disgusting and dirty drug. Others I know have felt the same. The best way we've found to counter this is to use it very sparingly and only with close trusted friends, at more intimate or unusual settings like house parties or festivals rather than clubs filled with pilled up students.

I think this is down to how the drug can be used in a transcendent and beatiful way but can also be used in a destructive and hedonistic way. And depending which way you are using the drug and the way those around you are using it, your view on it can shift from one to the other.

I don't know if that helps at all?
 
terarc said:
How frequently have you been using MDMA?

It's my experience that the more I took MDMA and the more I surrounded myself with the people from that 'scene', the more I couldn't help but begin to see it as a disgusting and dirty drug. Others I know have felt the same. The best way we've found to counter this is to use it very sparingly and only with close trusted friends, at more intimate or unusual settings like house parties or festivals rather than clubs filled with pilled up students.

I think this is down to how the drug can be used in a transcendent and beatiful way but can also be used in a destructive and hedonistic way. And depending which way you are using the drug and the way those around you are using it, your view on it can shift from one to the other.

I don't know if that helps at all?
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That does help, thanks! I actually think that I've generally reserved it for special occasions. My use has averaged once every two months. The second time I dropped was with a guy I didn't know too well, and there was a moment when I sobered up and looked around and just felt disgusted. Since then I've only dropped with my home friends and once with some good mates at uni. My closest university friends aren't too into it so I drop with people I don't know so well but really get on with, and it's actually bought me a lot closer to them!

However, I've seen a lot of uni friends who use this drug as a crutch for going out - that for me is the wrong way to use it.

I kind of get a sense of pride from going to 'druggy' all-night events and just sticking to booze. I really like the music and it makes me feel pretty lit. The thing is, I think because mdma has remained really special, I still think about it loads!
 
I have exactly the same opinion as you OP :) that's why I usually don't get friendly with every random person that crosses my path while rolling. Usually the people I do get friendly with are people that would have attracted me when sober as well. Proof of this is that I still maintain regular contact with a whole lot of people I met during rolls, most of them I see regularly and they have become friends. I don't really have people that I got extremely close to during a roll never to see them again afterwards. I always remember them and seek out contact afterwards because even in sober life they always turn out to be interesting people, which is what attracted me in the first place. In my case MDMA doesn't make me sociable towards everyone, just more sociable towards people that I already have some sort of attraction to
 
BlueBull said:
I have exactly the same opinion as you OP :) that's why I usually don't get friendly with every random person that crosses my path while rolling. Usually the people I do get friendly with are people that would have attracted me when sober as well. Proof of this is that I still maintain regular contact with a whole lot of people I met during rolls, most of them I see regularly and they have become friends. I don't really have people that I got extremely close to during a roll never to see them again afterwards. I always remember them and seek out contact afterwards because even in sober life they always turn out to be interesting people, which is what attracted me in the first place. In my case MDMA doesn't make me sociable towards everyone, just more sociable towards people that I already have some sort of attraction to
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That's interesting, thanks! I will literally chat shit and have an amazing time with anyone, I'm sure many of them are great people and some are assholes when they're sober. But I never really exchange contact details... Maybe this is something to try with people who I'm particularly drawn to? I guess some of the frustration I'm feeling might be due to the fact that a lot of my experiences are fleeting and I know cannot be repeated with the same people. If that makes sense...
 
I think about MDMA every day, but it doesn't bother me at all. I'm usually planning a way to get some of my best friends together for a good roll (my next one is planned for 5 months from now). It makes me happy to think about it because I think it will be a great experience, and I'm not impatient at all because I have plenty of stuff to do in the meantime.

I also really agree with BlueBull. In my experience, 90 percent of the fun of an MDMA experience is being with people I like anyway when I'm sober.
 
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Thewhitenugget said:
That's interesting, thanks! I will literally chat shit and have an amazing time with anyone, I'm sure many of them are great people and some are assholes when they're sober. But I never really exchange contact details... Maybe this is something to try with people who I'm particularly drawn to? I guess some of the frustration I'm feeling might be due to the fact that a lot of my experiences are fleeting and I know cannot be repeated with the same people. If that makes sense...
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Yeah sure go for it! In the best case you have some new friends, worst case they indeed turn out to be assholes and nothing lost nothing gained :D a lot has to do with dosage too though. I've found that for me higher doses tend to force the empathic effects and you're more likely to talk shit to just about anyone, because you feel you need to. Lower doses tend to produce a more 'real' empathy, amplifying attraction rather than creating it. It feels natural instead of that 'omg I love everyone!'-feeling. And it makes you drawn to certain people instead of just everyone. I like that more so these last few years I tend to dose lower and usually don't redose
 
Thank you for the replies! I adore the connection to your friends that md gives you, and I agree that that's where the long-lasting appreciation of the drug comes from.

However, I also love that full body rush you get from higher doses - I think I might keep them fairly high (within limits obviously) even if it makes me more friendly to random people (and now you've mentioned that, I absolutely agree from my own experience with dosing). Think to compensate I will try to get my mates involved when I go meet other people. Last time on it me and a friend performed some crazy dance to 'earn' someone's cigarette and it was great - all about the shared experiences at the end of the day.

Thanks once again for the help!
 
Kind of piggy backing on this if nobody minds. I used to roll back in the day and then quit for a while to focus on career. Now about two months ago I went to a show in Philly and got the best moon rocks of my life!!! Had the guys number they were from and deleted cuz girl got mad. Ever since then I have tried to get it again and it had been one failed attempt after another. She keeps getting upset I won't let it go but I can't forget this wonderful feeling and connection we had for two shows back to back weekends. Now my birthday is coming up and going to AC for one of my fav DJs this weekend. All I want to do is feel the way we did together again!!! It is literally all I can think about. I'm afraid this is going to be the end of us because keeps being an issue and she thinks more important than her. But all I want is to do it one more weekend with her.

Any help or ideas is appreciated. Maybe I'm an idiot I don't know?!?!? Thanks!!!! = )

-Bangarang
 
The first year or so I was taking MDMA I had that sort of 'honeymoon' period where I was obsessed with it, spent loads of time on here, always trying to plan nights out etc. That never completely goes away I suppose, and after a period of abstinence it can come back full force, as with WhoKid. This is all the more reason to use it sparingly for good specoal occassions - I've took pills in all kinds of inappropriate situations regrettably (as in pubs and places where no-one else is doing it. Not at a funeral or anything like that). I find that in the really good situations - nights out/festivals - when you form these strong connections with people, I think that's what the yearning is for. It's very like falling in love, but in a completely social way, like falling in love with friends, culture etc. Anyway, when I feel the urge to do it again, I get in touch with friends to see what's on soon/what people are going to, rather than trying to force it. I find that going for a pint or whatever with people I've done MDMA with before can be sufficient to revive it to some extent, almost like an acid flashback
 
The first thing i read about mdma was that you gotta watch out for 'unintentinal bonding'.

So I tried and only did it with bestfriends, and will always do.
 
Thanks for the input! I hope all comes thru this weekend and I have a dirty thirty bday to reminisce for years to come!
 
Whokid? said:
Kind of piggy backing on this if nobody minds. I used to roll back in the day and then quit for a while to focus on career. Now about two months ago I went to a show in Philly and got the best moon rocks of my life!!! Had the guys number they were from and deleted cuz girl got mad. Ever since then I have tried to get it again and it had been one failed attempt after another. She keeps getting upset I won't let it go but I can't forget this wonderful feeling and connection we had for two shows back to back weekends. Now my birthday is coming up and going to AC for one of my fav DJs this weekend. All I want to do is feel the way we did together again!!! It is literally all I can think about. I'm afraid this is going to be the end of us because keeps being an issue and she thinks more important than her. But all I want is to do it one more weekend with her.

Any help or ideas is appreciated. Maybe I'm an idiot I don't know?!?!? Thanks!!!! = )

-Bangarang
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Its very hard with girlfriends if you have this sort of "hobby". Best you can do is explain to them its a rare thing, you aren't some sort of addict and just try to come to some sort of understanding about it....just talk to her tell her its not obviously as important as her...but that it really adds some joy to your show outings. I don't konw....it depends on the girl...many a relationship has been ruined due to the girl not apporiving of drug use.

something like mdma every month or so shouldn't even be an issue. If you were an crack addict or heroin addict or something crazy that consumed your life she'd have an argument....something you do on a rare occaision.....shes just being selfish to deprive you in my opinion...shes gotta respect your choice as long as you are not endangering yourself or her.
 
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