MDMA depression - Need help

[Usmc22]

Hello everyone,

I need help and I don?t know what to do. Let me give you a little back story. I was just discharged from the Marine Corps a little over 10 months ago. Everything was great, partying hanging with my girl, and with my family. Here?s where it goes wrong: I have a history of taking pyschedilcs like: orange sunshine(fucked me up when I was 17 - and was hospitalized) Lsd, mdma, ketamine, etc etc basically all of those and in high quantities. I like to trip and go to shows, like thats my scene. So anyways, Back to most recently, over Christmas break I bought about 5 grams of Molly(that was not cheap) to share with my family and go to concerts and what not. Anyways everything was great until one night. I took just two finger dips and was expecting to roll just a little for the night as my brother was home from college. Casually feel good while we?re all drinking.

That was December 21st and since then I have been a zombie, lethargic, stopped working out, suicidal, unmotivated, and feel abnormal all the time. I feel like I have this cloud presssing over my head and brain and nothing is real or has no meaning to it. I can sleep 12 hours easily and I?ve been gaining weight. Anyways, I saw an old psychiatrist and he got me back on Gabapentin 1200 mgs 3x a day.

I am seriously messed up all day, I can barely write this but I can?t stand it anymore. If anyone knows how to help me, I?m ready. I?m really sad and it?s affecting all my relationships. I?m getting in stupid arguments with my girlfriend, I?m crying all the time, im trying to exercise and eat write. It?s been 2 months strong, the gabapentin makes it bearable but I?m not the happy motivated person I used to be.

Thank you and have a nice day.

 

[herbavore]

You are in the middle of a crisis but don't despair--it will be temporary. The best thing that you can do right now is to nurture yourself physically (real food, exercise (at your Marine training level if you can), pay attention to sleep); beyond that you need to nurture your psyche. When we get scared we tend to get fatalistic, thinking that we have caused permanent damage. But the brain is the most phenomenal organ! It will heal. Take a break from all mind altering substances for a bit unless it is something in a very reasonable quantity that you can be sure is helping you.

Also, if you are a vet, maybe there are free therapy services available to you? Take advantage of those. Therapy only works when you work it and it does unfortunately sometimes depend on the skill of the therapist to provide you with the right tools to work with (there are a LOT of duds out there).

Bottom line: hang in there and keep reminding yourself that every low in life is the best teacher. The trick is figuring out the lesson being taught.

 

[MrRoot]

I would like to add that being discharged from USMC might play some role in this in my opinion as when I was honorary discharged from military because of my injuries I had soon after that very rough time along with depression as well as doing bad decisions in life.

MDMA use may have just triggered those issues and part of them might be because you don't know what to do in your life after the military career as it was a big deal for me to adjust into civilian life.

Feel free to PM me if you want to talk about it in private.

 

[Usmc22]

Wow thank you both for such in depth responses. A relief to see that I am alone. I am going to schedule a therapist for this week and possibly a psychiatrist. Definitely taking the Molly and partying hard was a way of dealing with civilian life. Now I’m here depleted of all social skills and daily functions I’m constantly thinking about why the fuck I did so much. Again thanks for the responses gentlemen.