Mysterie
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- May 7, 2010
- Messages
- 4,541
ever since i hit puberty there has been a heavy sense of catholic guilt or shame for me around masturbation. not ever present, but lingering in the shadows.
ive been thinking about it a bit recently and a few components come to mind.
- pornography. for me this has negative connotations, exploitation, the absurdity of it. this is probably 90% of what i have orgasmed to in my history
- visualisation. fantasies of having sex with women i know in real life, moments in the day where there was sexual tension with someone i found attractive, of course this was a lot more prevalent in high school. 10% of my wank history probably. possibly less.
for me these two things have a compulsive and addictive element to them. if i had to rank visual media in terms of how addictive they are for me it would be. (from least to most)
visualisation < pictures (amateur, soft core) < hardcore video porn
visualisation leaves me with a feeling of having intruded on someone or using someone (kinda rapey i guess), its non-consensual and its escapist.
tonight i could tell i was a little bit horny and i masturbated purely with sensation (for the first time ever i think), there were fragments where for a millisecond i would see the image of a naked girl or her pubes, then i would guide my attention back to physical sensations and my breathing. i don't feel the same sense of regret as i do after blowing my load.
i'd like to do this as a practice to stay present with sexual feelings, if only to try and overcome the intense psychological connection i have with masturbation and a feeling of depleted energy and depression. ( usually aim to be celibate because i can't stand the cycle of regret and guilt after masturbating to porn, which for me is an addictive cycle when i feel sad or lonely)
i realise i'm more sensitive when it comes to this than most guys are or would care to admit, but i'm curious if anyone has thought about this. also interested if many women do this intuitively? someone said that men are more visual than women and thats why we use porn or visualisation.
ive been thinking about it a bit recently and a few components come to mind.
- pornography. for me this has negative connotations, exploitation, the absurdity of it. this is probably 90% of what i have orgasmed to in my history
- visualisation. fantasies of having sex with women i know in real life, moments in the day where there was sexual tension with someone i found attractive, of course this was a lot more prevalent in high school. 10% of my wank history probably. possibly less.
for me these two things have a compulsive and addictive element to them. if i had to rank visual media in terms of how addictive they are for me it would be. (from least to most)
visualisation < pictures (amateur, soft core) < hardcore video porn
visualisation leaves me with a feeling of having intruded on someone or using someone (kinda rapey i guess), its non-consensual and its escapist.
tonight i could tell i was a little bit horny and i masturbated purely with sensation (for the first time ever i think), there were fragments where for a millisecond i would see the image of a naked girl or her pubes, then i would guide my attention back to physical sensations and my breathing. i don't feel the same sense of regret as i do after blowing my load.
i'd like to do this as a practice to stay present with sexual feelings, if only to try and overcome the intense psychological connection i have with masturbation and a feeling of depleted energy and depression. ( usually aim to be celibate because i can't stand the cycle of regret and guilt after masturbating to porn, which for me is an addictive cycle when i feel sad or lonely)
i realise i'm more sensitive when it comes to this than most guys are or would care to admit, but i'm curious if anyone has thought about this. also interested if many women do this intuitively? someone said that men are more visual than women and thats why we use porn or visualisation.