• S E X
    L O V E +
    R E L A T I O N S H I P S


    ❤️ Welcome Guest! ❤️


    Posting Guidelines Bluelight Rules
  • SLR Moderators: axe battler | xtcgrrrl | arrall

Managed to get clean and move on with life.. should I stay my bf though?

R

Raze

Greenlighter
Joined
Aug 18, 2012
Messages
32
Hey guys, I would like some advice on what to do.

I've recently managed to get clean from heroin and crack, and am looking for a job now. (I've got my first interview on Friday!)

I got with my bf when I was extremely depressed and suicidal. He introduced me to heroin and crack to numb the pain. We've been going out since 2012, and I do love him, despite all the messed up things that have happened.

Now I'm happy, talking, eating, he doesn't seem happy for me, he seems pissed off, but won't say anything. I know he thinks people with jobs "think they're better" than him, as he pan handles to get money to feed his addiction. Another thing: I got him an interview for his "dream job", and offered to drive him there or give him money to get there, and he didn't even bother showing up. :/

I love him, but part of me feels he is dragging me back. (I feel horrible saying this, but for one thing, it's expensive having to fund his habit, feed him and make sure he has gas + electricity so he doesn't pan handle).. :/ Also, it is incredibly hard being next to him when he is using heroin + crack. I feel strong enough at the moment to not use, and sit with him, but if I'm having a bad day, I don't think I could see him and stay clean.

I don't want to hurt him.. breaking up will do that.. what should I do? (At the moment I am not letting myself see him in person, as I don't trust myself to stay clean. This is not a good long term solution considering he isn't serious about getting clean.)
 
Listen, by leaving this guy you are doing what is BEST FOR YOU. I know you love him but if he truly trulyyyy loved you he would want whats best for you. Staying clean while being with someone who is still very much addicted to drugs rarely ends well for the person trying to get their life together. And from how you talk it seems he is really not interested in changing his ways at all. Not everyone with a job looks down on people who do not, and this isnt really about job status, this is about your desire t get your life on track and figuring out what makes you happy and he doesnt seem to want to do the same.

I would maybe have a talk with him and put it to him straight, ask him if he has any desire to try and get his life together and to get clean, tell him you wil be there for him if he does but if he does not want that then you need to move on with your life.
 
Thank you. I think you're right. No, he hasn't shown any desire to make life any better.

I agree, jobs don't equal arrogance. I only want to work so I am being productive.

I don't think he has the guts to be honest with me. I asked him about making life better, he said he does and so, I got him an interview, but like I said, he didn't bother going and made up excuses. :/

So frustrating, as I really do love him. I don't think he loves me though. (When talking/ arguing on the weekend, I even asked him about breaking up, to which he accepted quickly, and said "can we be still be friends?").. Personally, it's too hard to be friends with him, immediately after years of being so close together. I think maybe he has been stringing me along, possibly just using me for convenience + money + drugs. :/

We've been hanging out with his friend, who started liking me and even hitting on me in front of him. My bf was incredibly angry at him. I thought this was evidence that he loved me... it's not though, is it? It's just a man getting pissed someone would have the nerve to do that in front of him.. right?

Damn it... I know what I need to do. Just ugh, fuck sake..
 
Last edited:
I would def be aware of him trying to string you along for guilt trip you for money for drugs or what ever he wants in the future. People in the the deep throws of addiction love their drug more than anything else, he may very well care for you just not in a healthy way.

I know all too well how hard a situation like this can be but because this is about more than just your relationship, its about you staying clean and healthy, its very important to distance yourself after you end it. Both for your sake and his, but mostly for your sake. It will be very hard to have even a friendly relationship with someone you used to use drugs with a lot when they are still addicted especially right after you get clean. It can be very triggering.
 
Thank you so much. You're 100% right! I think I'm nearly strong enough to do it now. I've moved house, and usually travel 3 hours on weekends to see him and get high. I feel good enough in myself not too now though. I've even booked an appointment at a substance misuse clinic on saturday.
I guess I just have to figure out how to tell him now, and when is best to.. Is a phone call to brutal? I don't want him to feel worse about himself. I'd love for him to turn his life around, even in a tiny way, then maybe we could work.. Just, till then, I guess I'm even enabling him by being with him.. Sorry, I'm rambling.. I know I need to get this sorted.
I'm annoyed at myself for finding it so hard to let him go. I so badly want to offer him one more chance, to get straight and till then support him through the phone. I just know in my heart he will go along with it again, and lie, not really doing or changing anything.. I guess i should toughen up, and find the guts to break up with him.. maybe just reminding him, at the same time, that if he wants to be with me again, to start sorting his life out.
Sorry I went on a ramble. I'm trying so hard to be logical, not to let my emotions get in the way, but damnit it's so hard!

You're right, it is incredibly triggering being with someone addicted. I can't physically be near him atm because of it.
 
Last edited:
well done on kicking the gear, raze.

unfortunately you're right about it being almost impossible to stay clean around a partner who uses, especially one who doesn't seem pleased for you; i've seen this many times in people around me in my own recovery. couples going in together and as soon as one relapses, te other isn't far behind.

you're making the right decision. it also shows how serious you are about quitting, which is excellent to hear!
 
Send him a text message saying you have moved on and that theres nothing he can do to change your mind. You have to sound 100% sure or else he will manipulate you and put your healthy lifeproject at stake. If you say things like "we can get together when you are clean" he will take you down with him.

You deserve better so cut the ties and get away while you can. Im so sorry to hear and good luck.
 
he is not good for you. getting your life on track is what matters.

his behaviour may never change.

can he give you what u want from life?
 
Its hard to move on from someone who you have spent so much time with and clearly you love him but your love isn't enough. I believe he is using you for money and making you feel guilty for getting your life together. If he truly loved you then he would try to get clean but most important if he really loved you he would support you in your decision. You say you live 3 hours away from him and you go and see him well you need to stop that. and yes it will be hard but at this point you need to be selfish and think about yourself and getting your life together. I wouldn't give him another chance because as you say he will lie to you and that will turn into a vicious cycle. You need a clean break I would send him a text message telling him that you need to take care of yourself right now and if he loves you then he will take the steps to take care of himself and maybe when you both are at a better place you can talk about being friends and see if he has really changed.

But seriously you need to get away from him for your own health. Seeing as he was he one who introduced you to this then he will look for a moment when you are weak and not having a good day and try it again he seems very selfish and only caring about himself and what he can get from you ie. money. And the whole thing of him getting angry at his friend for flirting with you that was just a dominance thing it wasn't love
 
From personal experience, get rid of him. He is no good for you and you are just as bad for him because you're feeding his habit.

Loving someone so much even though it's going to destroy you is never the way forward. Trust me..... 32 broken bones by the man who "loved" me. I got the courage to leave after he head butted me, in public, and broke my nose.

Don't walk a familiar path of destruction just because the other paths are unknown
 
He's not open to getting clean so it's going to be near impossible for you two to both be happy in the relationship. You're changing, he's not. If he had the drive to get clean, you could help him, but that has to be his choice. Perhaps by you leaving him, he'll realize what a mess he's made, and want to change. But I really doubt he'll do that if you're still together.
That's a long relationship, it's not easy to break up after that long, but you've got to do what's best for you. You can't stay with all the temptation around.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top