LSD, mania, spiritual awakenings, creativity, metaphors..

[Storms]

Hi everyone. So a few weeks ago I had an interesting experience after taking LSD that's never happened before. To add a little background, I'm 18 years old, I had taken LSD and various other psychedelics before this many times. I've tripped multiple times a year since I was 16. I would say that I am a pretty rational and logical person but I also have a spiritual side. Since a young age I have identified as a pantheist. I'm currently studying engineering so I'm science/math/tech oriented. For almost three years in high school (age 13-16) I was depressed and struggled with an eating disorder, but I ended up getting a lot better when I realized how unhappy I was and wanting to change that.. which is part of why I started tripping.

Around 3-4 weeks ago I took 1.5 tabs of LSD (supposedly 150ug total) and the trip was pretty normal. It was in my apartment with one of my close friends. We did art, pondered the universe, stared out the window over the city, the usual. Towards the end of the trip, I started feeling extremely euphoric, like I'd never felt before. My thoughts became metaphorical and I started to see everything as an expression of god/the Self/the universal consciousness (all are the same to me). My self esteem went through the roof and I started seeing how my life and our collective pasts had taken place perfectly so that I could change the world. I felt like I was the future of the world. (I can still feel this but no where near the same extent). I knew exactly what I had to do with my life. I had to come up with new scientific theories, share them, gain recognition, make my way to the top, so I could help people to realize the end goal of the universe - happiness, bliss, the feeling of home.
I realized why "time" exists and why we only experience the now.. essentially the arrow of time is the arrow of increasing understanding between the constituents of the universe (due to entropy/entanglement).

The night after the trip, it had been over 12 hours since I had dropped and I couldn't sleep at all.. My thoughts were still running wild and I felt euphoric and energized. I ended up staying up all night. The next day was very strange.. I felt like everything that was happening was happening perfectly to assist my goals. I ended up talking to people I otherwise would never have talked to.

In the next few days after the trip I ended up writing pages and pages of scientific/philosophical theories I had all the while compulsively researching anything and everything I could that related to my thoughts. Looking back on them now, some of them make sense and are actually pretty good, (I just need to learn a bit more math to back them up) while other ones are disjointed and nonsensical.

This state lasted for around 4-5 days, after which the euphoria started to wear off. While it was extremely enjoyable and without a doubt the best I've ever felt in my life, I was irritable because the world seemed to be going too slow and people were just doing boring and meaningless thing. I was on a quest and they were slowing me down. Also I was scared that the lack of sleep might be bad for my brain and that I was really fucked up and I might have to check myself into the hospital. For another week and a half after then, I was still thinking that everything was a metaphor and that I could see the deeper meaning behind everything, but I wasn't as euphoric and I could sleep (somewhat). During this time I was very impulsive and almost apathetic. My attitude was "I don't care, the universe will have the same ending whether I do anything or not."

And now I've felt pretty normal for the past few days. Almost back to how I was before the trip.. yet not at all because I've had this experience. Mania pretty well describes what happened to me. I am pretty sure if I do acid again the same thing will happen. Part of me is like "yeah do it!!!" but then the rational part of me is like don't be stupid lol.

I feel like there was a lot more to this than just mania. I felt like god/the Self was channeling through me, like I "knew too much" for a human, like I was tapping into a supreme intelligence. Since this I've been reading a lot of Eastern religious/philosophy texts and they all agree with what I felt.

I saw how conformity, while natural, is dangerous to evolution. Evolution comes from something unique and different rising above the rest of the population due to its benefits in regards to the environment. As humans we are essentially shaping our environment. To become like everyone else is to erase your uniqueness.. but if everyone erases their uniqueness human evolution will end. Many of the greatest minds (scientists, philosophers, artists, writers) were eccentric and strange and probably "mentally ill" by today's standards. Conforming mentally is terrible.. it's dumbing yourself down and hiding who you are. Humans are all so intelligent yet we hide it away by staring at screens and caring about social media and celebrities and icons who were designed for us to pay attention to. We are all creative in some capacity so why do we hide it? Creativity is the future, it's progress, yet we've designed a society that's afraid of it.

Anyways sorry if this was a bit rant-y. I've had a lot of thoughts in the past while lol. I'm looking more for a discussion than for advice, although advice is always nice. Also has anyone had a similar experience? How did you integrate all these thoughts and feelings?

Thank you for reading and have a lovely day :D

 

[jammin83]

Sounds like LSD triggered a manic episode. Bipolar sets in about your age sometimes a little later. I applaud your realizations and everything else, but those types of thoughts are quite common for mania. If you are bipolar, some types of bipolar can have psychotic episodes as well so you need to be careful. Delusions can be step one into the abyss.

LSD doesn't cause bipolar but it can aggravate it. I still use LSD, in spite of being biploar, but it does give me manic episodes for a week or so after I use it. It can also trigger depressive episodes for me, but I have been dealing with this for quite some time so I have a whole drawer full of despicable orange pill bottles and mysterious powders that I can use to manage it. For me, the experience is worth some ups and downs for a couple weeks but I would probably be smarter if I didn't use drugs at all. YMMV of course but if it keeps happening than that is probably indicative of some type of bipolar. I don't think normal people get manic for a week after LSD but I could be wrong.

Best of luck to you on your journey.

 

[Storms]

Thanks for your reply. I'm glad someone else has had a similar experience. I'm definitely going to take it easy from now on, and if I trip again at least I'll know what I'm in for. I don't think I'd become delusional, the whole time I was still pretty rooted in reality. The closest I came to delusional was probably my inflated confidence level. But I never thought I'd become manic either so there's that lol

Just wondering, what else triggers your episodes besides LSD? Is there anything specific or do you just cycle between mania and depression? Also do you have periods of normalcy in between, and if so how long are they? I was average in mood for around year or two before this trip. I'm hoping my mood stays normal for now, not trying to become depressed again lol.

 

[Mizora]

on the creative society side of your points....I couldnt agree more! I have not experience this myself but am not an experienced tripper per say but...my advice is listen to your gut. I know it sounds classic but with a lil help along the way your intuition will always lead you.

 

[Efoj]

It doesn't look like a manic episode to me. Of course you should pay attention to further signals but to me you seem to trip quite responsibly: with sitters, not more than once or twice every month etc. Also you seem to deliver your thoughts coherently.

Are you sure your source sold you lsd? Sadly nowadays we get so many blotters with other psychedelic drugs. For example if what you took was DOB or another DOx substance, with an effect that can last for 8-20hours, which would explain some of the effects you described.

About your thoughts on eastern philosophy, mind and everything, I advise you to read more and more about it, from the Indian Vedas to Amit Goswami's Self-Aware Universe, not forgetting Aldous Huxley, Christian mystics, Plato, so many people have had that kind of feeling before you, so don't worry about knowing too much ;-)

 

[Storms]

I try to be responsible! And I am sure it was LSD. I've taken these blotters many times before and they usually last the normal 12 hours. Just this time was.. different. I continued having racing philosophical thoughts about technology and existence for almost a week after and was thinking in metaphors for around two weeks after.. only now am I back to a more normal place. I am going to guess that the acid triggered a cascade of thoughts and feelings which sort of snowballed for a few days until it slowed down because my brain ran out of snow lol

I actually have Self-Aware Universe on my bookshelf but I've never read it, I just found it by the side of the road one day.. woah weird, glitch in the matrix or something :D I'll have to start it now.

 

[psy997]

What you experienced was most definitely not a manic episode. I've experienced the exact same, multiple times, since I've started tripping. I'd absolutely love to read your pages of insights if you'd be so inclined as to share, I'm sure the ones you say are nonsensical do make sense in some way or another. Words have got to be nonsensical if they're going to come close to describing the nonsensical side of things. Do yourself a favor and order Autobiography of a Spiritually Incorrect Mystic, you'll thank yourself as soon as you're done binge reading it in a few days. I feel we're on the same path, with you just a few years behind where I am, yet only physically, as I've only reached this point spiritually in the past year.

 

[jammin83]

What you experienced was most definitely not a manic episode. I've experienced the exact same, multiple times, since I've started tripping. I'd absolutely love to read your pages of insights if you'd be so inclined as to share, I'm sure the ones you say are nonsensical do make sense in some way or another. Words have got to be nonsensical if they're going to come close to describing the nonsensical side of things. Do yourself a favor and order Autobiography of a Spiritually Incorrect Mystic, you'll thank yourself as soon as you're done binge reading it in a few days. I feel we're on the same path, with you just a few years behind where I am, yet only physically, as I've only reached this point spiritually in the past year.

You really don't know that for sure even if you have experienced something similar. My intentions aren't to diagnose somebody over the internet, but those are classic signs of mania. That last few hours of the dopaminergic push is what usually does the trick for inducing mania. Racing thoughts, increase in creativity and productivity, etc, etc. The part about things being nonsensical after coming back to earth when the manic glue has subsided is pretty common with mania. If the OP has depressive episodes, it is something to look out for esp. considering the age group we are dealing with here.

Yes, it could be attributed to the drug, LSD is mania inducing for most people, even ones that aren't bipolar. If it subsides, then great, but LSD can go either way for people regardless of mental illness. You really can't diagnose somebody as being bipolar unless they are off of all drugs for a period of time because drug use can mask or mimic various mental illnesses esp. drugs with the promiscuous binding profile of LSD. Usually between episodes there will be some degree of normalcy and then a crash. I've experienced it with hardly any period of normalcy in between cycles. Straight from mania to depression, sometimes I can even feel it shifting poles. Drugs like LSD definitely have the ability to alter the precious balance of the chemicals that make us happy and sad and everything in between.

Even if bipolar is the case, it is not a death sentence and it doesn't mean you are flawed in any way, it's just a condition to look out for, you have to make adjustments with or without medication. You can still use LSD and still use some drugs, but some of them can aggravate it, so you need to know what is happening. Going with the flow and embracing thoughts when they come is fine, but what about when you crash out of nowhere? Being dismissive of something serious is foolish. It can be a roller coaster if you aren't aware of what's happening, hell, it can be a roller coaster when you are intimately familiar with what is really going on. Knowledge of your condition is key. I wouldn't even go as far as to say seek medical help, they will just give you toxic chemicals that may or may not help, and may make you worse. There are some things that you need to be actively pursuing to stay on top of your mental health, so that you are not an entire wreck by the time you decide to do something about it.

Feel free to send me a PM if you ever feel like you need to OP.