TheCuriousOne
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Apr 12, 2014
- Messages
- 113
This is my experience about my LSD experience that went so horribly wrong, it left me scarred.
So, me and a friend planned on tripping for a long time and everything was calculated.
It started off on 2pm, we took each 400 Micrograms, 2.5 potent tabs (our highest dose so far, but we were experienced with 250ug already).
The first 15 minutes I was really nervous and a little bit anxious about this experience, but I kept telling myself to just let go and enjoy it, as is. I was very prepared and if something happened, I would meditate or just lay on the ground, trying to relax.
Well, after only 20 minutes I could feel it kicking in, way too early. I felt the typical LSD tingles and the alien-headspace. But there was also an immense, negative bodyload and jitters. I was completely overstimulated, I had to keep moving, it was impossible for me to sit in one place or to relax. I was trying so hard to just accept and deal with the situation. I was trying so hard to enjoy the acute effects, to just keep smiling but the jittery bodyload and my anxiety was unbearable. My heart was racing immensely (180bpm resting) and I couldn't fucking stand it.
It was extremely hot outside and I was sweating profusely.
The music I was listening to sounded so deep, like it sounded so weird and different... it was too much for me to handle.
Afterwards I decided to return back home with my friend because It was just too hot, I became scared that I would overheat in the direct exposure to the sunlight under the influence of acid.
On the way home, my whole vision was shifting, bending, full of colours... this part was very enjoyable but I couldn't concentrate on the visuals because of the bodyload and the anxious headspace. I also felt like floating above the ground while walking. As if I was this ball of energy in the 4th dimension just traveling through space. My mind was really dissociated from my body, I felt like my body did not belong to my mind.
We arrived at home at 3pm and this is were things escalated. I started hearing voices in my head that wouldn't stop talking about me. I was sweating extremely hard, I thought I was experiencing serotonin syndrome and would die this moment. I was experiencing the worst anxiety attacks in my life. I did not know what to do next.
All I did was running back and forth in sheer panic. Repeating the same phrases over and over again getting louder. With increasing intensity every time. Mental + Physical Looping. I started to say really fucked up shit that got my friend even more scared.
This part really scared me to death:
I experienced psychotic symptoms similar to schizophrenia. I had alien-like entities talking about me THAT my life and my existence was just a test. These alien voices were laughing at me because at how insanely I behaved and tripped the fuck out. These voices told me that I would never be able to get out this trip. They told me I will stay this way forever. These alien entities knew all about my life and saying shit about me in 3rd person like: "He's never going to get it. He's trapped. He will never understand until the day he dies.
I was reapeating "I'M NEVER GOING TO DRUGS EVER AGAIN IN MY LIFE" over and over again.
I couldn't understand why this was happening, my 5 trips before were all positive but on a much lower dose.
The effects got worse and worse, I was litterally blinded by the visuals, it was too much for me to handle. At this point I wanted it to end but we had not any benzos on hand. I felt like there were multiple personalities inside me. I was seeing myself as an old desperate, psychotic man. I felt like the whole world knew about this trip and my life. I kept bubbling words like ILLUMINATI, out of wowhere and I started connecting everything together in a total psychotic way. My Ego was brutally murdered at this time and I thought I would stay this way forever. I started perceiving myself and the universe as ONE consciousness.
Although I perfectly knew that there is no way that I would die from the physical LSD effects, the body load felt so horrible, I kept telling myself that I would die because of circulatory collapse or a seizure. The same goes with the psychiological effects. I had tripped 5 times before this and always recovered. But this time It felt like THIS was IT. Now I am going to snap. I will lose my mind. FOREVER.
I wanted to call the ambulance but at that point I wasn't even knowing what a hospital is. I couldn't even talk and my words didn't make any sense. I wanted to do something to end this trip, but I just did not know what. Nothing made sense, Every possible option was a threat to my life. I was stuck in an endless loop that kept repeating and repeating itself without any way out. My thoughts were racing, NOTHING could help me out in this state. Not even God.
Later my friend told me that appearantly I ran out in sheer panic outside with only my shorts on and screamed my guts out. A moment later one of my neighbours called a cab and made me get sent to the hospital.
When we arrived at the hospital things got EVEN WORSE. I saw the nurses as vivid monsters and animals that wanted to harm and kill me. I thought they would know all about my personal secrets and subconscious insecurites. I was screaming shit like "Am I going to die?/ I don't wanna die". I even requested Valium to calm me down, they did NOTHING. They were just fucking WATCHING ME. I felt like I MADE A MISTAKE by arriving at the hospital.
The nurses were VERY rude to me despite my hours-long anxiety attacks. As far as I remember, these simpleminded nurses were talking about me in 3rd person like "Damn, he's not going to come down", "He looks like he has lost it permanently" or something like "He belongs to the ward".
Hearing shit like that in my state made me imagine myself as a vegetable in a padded cell, which made me even freak out more than before. The whole time I was thinking the nurses were brainwashing or playing mindgames with me. The nurses were pushing and pulling me, threatening to call the cops, telling me something like "It's your own fault, druggie".
One of the fucking nurse was forcing me to pee in the cup, I said I couldn't do it with her standing besides me. She insisted and forced me to pee in it or else they would force me to with a catheter. Hearing all this, I could not believe I was actually going through all this on ACID. I felt like a jew in a concentration camp, that's how bad I felt. I could not handle all this agonizing pain,
It all was just too much... I was too traumatized, so I collapsed on the floor. In a foetal position, being completely catatonic and shaking. The police arrives.
EVERYONE IN THE HOSPITAL WAS FUCKING WATCHING ME. Definitely the worst fucking day in my life.
From there on I have a black out:
I wake up the next day with the aftereffects. After they collected a blood sample from me, I was free to go home.
Here I am, feeling fucked up and clueless. This trip was supposed to teach me a lesson, or give me a really profound and spiritual, positive experience... but I only got the worst, traumatizing and psychotic day IN MY LIFE.
I really don't know what to do now. Can you give me some advice how to move on?
How could I have prevented this anxiety and the overstimulation?
EDIT: It was marquis tested LSD.
So, me and a friend planned on tripping for a long time and everything was calculated.
It started off on 2pm, we took each 400 Micrograms, 2.5 potent tabs (our highest dose so far, but we were experienced with 250ug already).
The first 15 minutes I was really nervous and a little bit anxious about this experience, but I kept telling myself to just let go and enjoy it, as is. I was very prepared and if something happened, I would meditate or just lay on the ground, trying to relax.
Well, after only 20 minutes I could feel it kicking in, way too early. I felt the typical LSD tingles and the alien-headspace. But there was also an immense, negative bodyload and jitters. I was completely overstimulated, I had to keep moving, it was impossible for me to sit in one place or to relax. I was trying so hard to just accept and deal with the situation. I was trying so hard to enjoy the acute effects, to just keep smiling but the jittery bodyload and my anxiety was unbearable. My heart was racing immensely (180bpm resting) and I couldn't fucking stand it.
It was extremely hot outside and I was sweating profusely.
The music I was listening to sounded so deep, like it sounded so weird and different... it was too much for me to handle.
Afterwards I decided to return back home with my friend because It was just too hot, I became scared that I would overheat in the direct exposure to the sunlight under the influence of acid.
On the way home, my whole vision was shifting, bending, full of colours... this part was very enjoyable but I couldn't concentrate on the visuals because of the bodyload and the anxious headspace. I also felt like floating above the ground while walking. As if I was this ball of energy in the 4th dimension just traveling through space. My mind was really dissociated from my body, I felt like my body did not belong to my mind.
We arrived at home at 3pm and this is were things escalated. I started hearing voices in my head that wouldn't stop talking about me. I was sweating extremely hard, I thought I was experiencing serotonin syndrome and would die this moment. I was experiencing the worst anxiety attacks in my life. I did not know what to do next.
All I did was running back and forth in sheer panic. Repeating the same phrases over and over again getting louder. With increasing intensity every time. Mental + Physical Looping. I started to say really fucked up shit that got my friend even more scared.
This part really scared me to death:
I experienced psychotic symptoms similar to schizophrenia. I had alien-like entities talking about me THAT my life and my existence was just a test. These alien voices were laughing at me because at how insanely I behaved and tripped the fuck out. These voices told me that I would never be able to get out this trip. They told me I will stay this way forever. These alien entities knew all about my life and saying shit about me in 3rd person like: "He's never going to get it. He's trapped. He will never understand until the day he dies.
I was reapeating "I'M NEVER GOING TO DRUGS EVER AGAIN IN MY LIFE" over and over again.
I couldn't understand why this was happening, my 5 trips before were all positive but on a much lower dose.
The effects got worse and worse, I was litterally blinded by the visuals, it was too much for me to handle. At this point I wanted it to end but we had not any benzos on hand. I felt like there were multiple personalities inside me. I was seeing myself as an old desperate, psychotic man. I felt like the whole world knew about this trip and my life. I kept bubbling words like ILLUMINATI, out of wowhere and I started connecting everything together in a total psychotic way. My Ego was brutally murdered at this time and I thought I would stay this way forever. I started perceiving myself and the universe as ONE consciousness.
Although I perfectly knew that there is no way that I would die from the physical LSD effects, the body load felt so horrible, I kept telling myself that I would die because of circulatory collapse or a seizure. The same goes with the psychiological effects. I had tripped 5 times before this and always recovered. But this time It felt like THIS was IT. Now I am going to snap. I will lose my mind. FOREVER.
I wanted to call the ambulance but at that point I wasn't even knowing what a hospital is. I couldn't even talk and my words didn't make any sense. I wanted to do something to end this trip, but I just did not know what. Nothing made sense, Every possible option was a threat to my life. I was stuck in an endless loop that kept repeating and repeating itself without any way out. My thoughts were racing, NOTHING could help me out in this state. Not even God.
Later my friend told me that appearantly I ran out in sheer panic outside with only my shorts on and screamed my guts out. A moment later one of my neighbours called a cab and made me get sent to the hospital.
When we arrived at the hospital things got EVEN WORSE. I saw the nurses as vivid monsters and animals that wanted to harm and kill me. I thought they would know all about my personal secrets and subconscious insecurites. I was screaming shit like "Am I going to die?/ I don't wanna die". I even requested Valium to calm me down, they did NOTHING. They were just fucking WATCHING ME. I felt like I MADE A MISTAKE by arriving at the hospital.
The nurses were VERY rude to me despite my hours-long anxiety attacks. As far as I remember, these simpleminded nurses were talking about me in 3rd person like "Damn, he's not going to come down", "He looks like he has lost it permanently" or something like "He belongs to the ward".
Hearing shit like that in my state made me imagine myself as a vegetable in a padded cell, which made me even freak out more than before. The whole time I was thinking the nurses were brainwashing or playing mindgames with me. The nurses were pushing and pulling me, threatening to call the cops, telling me something like "It's your own fault, druggie".
One of the fucking nurse was forcing me to pee in the cup, I said I couldn't do it with her standing besides me. She insisted and forced me to pee in it or else they would force me to with a catheter. Hearing all this, I could not believe I was actually going through all this on ACID. I felt like a jew in a concentration camp, that's how bad I felt. I could not handle all this agonizing pain,
It all was just too much... I was too traumatized, so I collapsed on the floor. In a foetal position, being completely catatonic and shaking. The police arrives.
EVERYONE IN THE HOSPITAL WAS FUCKING WATCHING ME. Definitely the worst fucking day in my life.
From there on I have a black out:
I wake up the next day with the aftereffects. After they collected a blood sample from me, I was free to go home.
Here I am, feeling fucked up and clueless. This trip was supposed to teach me a lesson, or give me a really profound and spiritual, positive experience... but I only got the worst, traumatizing and psychotic day IN MY LIFE.
I really don't know what to do now. Can you give me some advice how to move on?
How could I have prevented this anxiety and the overstimulation?
EDIT: It was marquis tested LSD.
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