The Crimson Elephant
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Feb 8, 2024
- Messages
- 24
Hello there, here is an old trip report of mine about an insightful bad trip I had 4 months ago.
I'd very much like to have your thoughts about it and to hear your similar experiences !
Hope you will like it :
Hello, I'm going to tell you about the biggest trip I've had to date and also my biggest bad trip.
Set and Settings:
Without having slept since Friday noon 12:00 because of snorting 35mg of crystal at 13:00, I decide to go to a free party this Saturday evening.
Afraid of being tired and not wanting to let my lack of sleep affect my mood, I snorted a line of meth on Saturday at midnight probably about 25mg.
I then took ketamine and one of the 3 friends I came with, let's call him Noe, took a 100ug tab.
Time passes and his trip begins to rise, the lsd drops having been placed on the blotters carelessly they had slightly soaked the paper towel underneath.
I wanted to make sure that Noe's dose was enough for him before dosing myself because I wanted a strong trip, he was my taster.
Seeing that it was already 02:30 I went to my tent and took 3 tabs then I chewed the soaked paper towel with water so as not to spoil it.
I estimate my dose between 300 and 400 ug.
I took a last line of ketamine while waiting for L to come up and went dancing in front of the speakers with Noe.
I will quickly describe the location of the party; It was a abandonned warehouse in an industrial zone, I had never been to this area before.
The street which ran alongside the warehouse was lined with fences and offices or factories and the partygoers had parked their cars on the edge.
The party being quite accessible and not very discreet, not all the participants were the most benevolent or in the spirit of sharing and kindness that one can generally find in free parties.
The tent was 200 meters down the same street as the warehouse.
I was quite calm about the trip and even though I knew it was a big dose, I thought that at worst I would be a little destabilized and that the rise would be a little violent, I had already had around thirty trips of LSD, half of which were including ketamine.
The Trip:
03:00:
I feel that I have consumed LSD but I have no particular effects, I still wonder if the end of the effects of meth and the comedown that follows will not tarnish my trip.
03:30:
We're still dancing with Noe but he needs to go eat at the camp, so he leaves and I don't accompany him because I'm starting to come up and I'd like to dance through it .
From that point on, I didn't look at the time again until about 6:00 a.m., so timestamps will be estimates.
04:00:
The ascend begins to be felt quite a bit and I get lost in my thoughts.
I've been trying to smoke my cigarillo for a while now but I'm thinking about something like whether I would behave the same if I was alone on earth without the gaze of others, then I think, I think and I come back to the starting point of my question without remembering the initial thought and as the only temporal marker of my loop, the cigarette having shrunk...
Sometimes a friend will come to greet me and I will take time to recognize him because I was so disconnected and let's say introspective.
04:15:
My vision is starting to be seriously impaired, and my perspective of distances is skewed because someone turning on a flashlight at the other end of the warehouse made me believe it was someone's phone flash behind me.
I knew that I was alone among strangers and on a large dose but that didn't worry me so much, I was used to it, I didn't want to give in to panic.
04:30:
I decide to go urinate outside and I struggle towards the exit but the environment is really distorted and my vision is cut up frame by frame with a grainy filter which makes me see in 3 or 4 FPS. I am very surprised by this and it disconcerts me a little.
I'm approaching a fence but as is often the case under Ke + LSD I have trouble knowing if I'm not pissing myself when I go to urinate.
In the way that I have the feeling that, especially under Ket, that I could wake up from a dream and actually be in my bed, or just that I no longer know the spatial limits of my body well and that the the urine which is therefore supposed to get from my body to the outside of my body would get from my body to potentially my body...
So I decided to hold back and go find Noe to reassure myself and calm down.
I go towards the tent but walking alone in the street surrounded by strangers I am a little stressed.
I hear insults and shouts and I don't know if I'm making them up under stress or if they're real.
I run towards the tent but the path seems to get longer, there are more cars as far as the eye can see and I start to get stressed.
I manage to stay calm and reach the tent.
I am aware that I am seriously starting to freak out so I try to find a familiar face to reassure me but the tent neighbors were not there, I was alone.
I turned back and decided to return to the sound to absolutely find Noe, I was in distress.
04:45:
My vision was back to normal and I searched through the crowd to find Noe or another friend but I couldn't find no one and I didn't dare to ask a stranger to help me.
At one point I was so overwhelmed, I sat next to strangers because I was starting to lose touch with reality and panic.
He asked me if I was okay but I couldn't quite hear what he was saying and I told myself that in fact he couldn't help me, I was the only one that could face my trip.
I calmed down a little and told myself that I just had to be rational and that I could control myself and not break down.
It was at this moment that I met Madeleine, an old friend in whom I trusted completely and who had already saved me from a bad trip a year ago.
I tell her that it's not okay at all and that I would like her to help me. The spiral of negativity began to accelerate and little by little as I tried to hold on to reality I panicked more and more.
05:00:
I'm with Madeleine outside and despite the fact that I have a lot of confidence in her, Noe has already seen me in states of great vulnerability and distress because of k-holes with Acid or other antics.
He seemed like a better "anchor" to reality, so I decided to stay with Madeleine while waiting to find Noe.
I asked her to accompany me to urinate because she allowed me to be sure that I was peeing towards the outside and not on me or ultimately what was only myself.
She then decides to go to her car which was 100 meters away and I have to follow her I don't want to be alone.
There we find a stranger and my ascend continues now my whole environment has become hostile and the people around me are insulting or warning about the police who would come or any other misfortune.
The further I move away from Madeleine, the more I am sucked in and the more I disappear.
At one point I was 2-3 meters away from them and I heard them being horrified to see me in the car where I had peed everywhere without being aware of it as if I was witnessing the scene from the outside.
I'm panicking and the stranger is quite hostile, like everyone else from my point of view but I can't determine if it's him or me the "problem".
I'm so disconnected that I often need to hug Madeleine or hold her so I don't give in to total panic.
At one point, the stranger who was upset at seeing me interacting strangely socially became threatening and my “animal” instinct, or rather a little adrenaline, brought me back down.
So I try to reach Noe by phone but I have difficulty remembering my password, the layout of the keyboard has changed and what was a motor reflex is no longer so.
05:15:
I finally find Noe but I have sunk too much into the negative spiral and when we discuss everything he tells me is transformed into alarming things like the party is canceled and the cops are on their way, everything that I could fear.
I tell him that I doubt what he tells me and all the negativity that I tell him also influences him a little because he is on Acid too.
We go to the tent and he reassures me a little.
I sit on the ground and go through a stage of no return in the trip, I then perceive Noe as incapable of helping me and his value as an anchor to reality weakens.
I ran to join Madeleine who was now far away but as I moved away from Noe the road sucked me in like an infinite spiral and physically moved to make me disappear into the darkness.
Completely panicked, I came back to Noe and begged him to help me.
I was convinced that I was going to disappear.
From that moment on, I no longer remember my exact thought patterns or all the details.
05:30:
I am desperately looking for the answer to a question for which I cannot find the solution because everything I perceive of reality is in fact the fruit of myself and I fall into infinite loops which always bring me back to the fact that I'm only an output and I can't get the answer I'm looking for.
If I find it at one point I communicate it to Noe but when I lose it again and I fall back into the loop he cannot communicate it to me because all input is cut off, I control everything I perceive, Noe is not that the fruit of my perception and not reality, and as soon as I manage to emerge when I start to doubt again I fall back into the loop which materializes spatially by the environment which rotates until I disappear in a whirlwind colours.
Out of all reality.
By this time my 2 other friends had joined me and were trying to help me.
I asked them to describe the reality they perceived and how I situated myself physically so that I could try to reconnect with reality.
At times I barely escaped the infinite loop that made me disappear and I saw my friends insult each other and panic when they discussed, sometimes I managed to perceive their words correctly but their good will and feelings did not take me out of hell.
Moreover, sometimes I felt my body being covered in urine and my friends saw that I was pissing myself and I, completely ashamed and helpless, panicked even more as I disappeared.
At one moment I was so disconnected from reality that I no longer received its "input", I could only talk to my friends and tell them that I couldn't hear them.
I asked them to call for help because I was disappearing and I was totally panicked by these endless loops without answers that were tormenting me, I couldn't explain to them what was happening and as soon as I found an element of answer to solve my problem I forgot it and went back into a loop.
Especially since my friends couldn't give me the answer because at that moment my perception would change and I would find myself alone with myself disappearing into the loop again.
At one point I began to perceive the set and settings as a % which once it exceeded 50% allowed us to see life positively and not as a negative infernal spiral.
I was aware that it was enough to take the opposite of my current perception of things and see everything positively but I couldn't do it.
At one point I realized that if I could submit to my perception of reality and let it torture me, I could also be the creator of it and make things appear and this idea delighted me enormously to the point of turning the trip into a good one for a few moments.
The sky would take on a green hue and I would feel a small euphoria of omniscience or creator god before the sinister place plunged me back into the endless spiral of negativity.
05:50:
After long minutes of chatting with Noe, not leaving reality too much and improving my "%" of set and settings I was getting back on track and I was able to stay coherent for a few minutes.
When he asked me to go dancing or to move on I explained to him how real the torture was for me and that what I perceived of reality or how much people insulted each other or how my body filled with piss or other nightmares seemed real to me.
He realized that I was really panicked at the idea of reliving what I just got out of so he waited with me until I was confident enough to move on with the party.
I accepted the fact that I wasn't going to disappear and we went to dance because I didn't want to spoil my friend's evening.
06:00:
Thanks to the tekno music that I particularly liked, I managed to switch to “positive” and exit infinite loops.
So I stopped forgetting and transforming my perception of reality into what scared me and I could take notes and remember my thoughts.
The destructive spiral of the bad trip was as degenerative as the positive spiral of ideas and reflections that we retain when we are capable of seeing things positively was generative.
I felt great euphoria at this realization, to see that if it could be this much hell, it could be at least as much the opposite.
I ended up thinking that LSD simply allowed us to modify our perception of reality and to some extent manipulate it.
That our entire environment, our interactions and reality were inputs and outputs, with positive or negative potentials.
At that moment a fire stick wielder started his show and I sat in front of him for 30 minutes and 1 hour 30 minutes after he finished his show.
I no longer thought about dancing because I couldn't help but ask myself questions about what reality really was, about what defined it, about how we were capable of modifying it.
On how thanks to another being I was able to keep a link with reality just now.
I was fascinated by what I had just discovered, this side of LSD that I had not suspected, I had just witnessed the difference between what reality could be and how we perceived it.
I still have not found a solution that pleases me as of what is reality.
But just asking myself and thinking about it did me a lot of good.
I sometimes had the feeling that positivity and negativity were just the other side of the same coin and that everything was a constant balance, but it is difficult to understand your own thoughts on the subject when you are no longer in this state of awareness.
I also realized that ultimately, we had control over everything we perceived and that we could only create our reality without receiving it like when I could no longer communicate with my classmates but just talk to them.
I also noticed that it was interesting to describe the perception of reality at a given time like with a trip report for example because this does not require describing reality to infinity (the reality "function").
I continued to write down ideas on my phone.
08:00:
After a while, I was tired of thinking about all that, I just wanted to be a little "stupid" again and dance without worries, so I opened the rosé and made the aperitif then the day ended quietly without anything notorious apart from the fact that my grandmother on video said that my look was different that evening, I seemed changed.
I don't really know if it was because of my anisocoria, my dark circles or the fact that I often stared into space while thinking about what I had experienced...
17 hours after the trip my pupils were still a little dilated but I still managed to sleep well.
Thank you for reading, I hope my translation was fine.
I would have liked to be able to recall more details especially about the infinite loops of negativity leading to the disappearance of my existence, or on the fact that switching to good trip "mode" brought the solution to these loops.
I'd very much like to have your thoughts about it and to hear your similar experiences !
Hope you will like it :
Hello, I'm going to tell you about the biggest trip I've had to date and also my biggest bad trip.
Set and Settings:
Without having slept since Friday noon 12:00 because of snorting 35mg of crystal at 13:00, I decide to go to a free party this Saturday evening.
Afraid of being tired and not wanting to let my lack of sleep affect my mood, I snorted a line of meth on Saturday at midnight probably about 25mg.
I then took ketamine and one of the 3 friends I came with, let's call him Noe, took a 100ug tab.
Time passes and his trip begins to rise, the lsd drops having been placed on the blotters carelessly they had slightly soaked the paper towel underneath.
I wanted to make sure that Noe's dose was enough for him before dosing myself because I wanted a strong trip, he was my taster.
Seeing that it was already 02:30 I went to my tent and took 3 tabs then I chewed the soaked paper towel with water so as not to spoil it.
I estimate my dose between 300 and 400 ug.
I took a last line of ketamine while waiting for L to come up and went dancing in front of the speakers with Noe.
I will quickly describe the location of the party; It was a abandonned warehouse in an industrial zone, I had never been to this area before.
The street which ran alongside the warehouse was lined with fences and offices or factories and the partygoers had parked their cars on the edge.
The party being quite accessible and not very discreet, not all the participants were the most benevolent or in the spirit of sharing and kindness that one can generally find in free parties.
The tent was 200 meters down the same street as the warehouse.
I was quite calm about the trip and even though I knew it was a big dose, I thought that at worst I would be a little destabilized and that the rise would be a little violent, I had already had around thirty trips of LSD, half of which were including ketamine.
The Trip:
03:00:
I feel that I have consumed LSD but I have no particular effects, I still wonder if the end of the effects of meth and the comedown that follows will not tarnish my trip.
03:30:
We're still dancing with Noe but he needs to go eat at the camp, so he leaves and I don't accompany him because I'm starting to come up and I'd like to dance through it .
From that point on, I didn't look at the time again until about 6:00 a.m., so timestamps will be estimates.
04:00:
The ascend begins to be felt quite a bit and I get lost in my thoughts.
I've been trying to smoke my cigarillo for a while now but I'm thinking about something like whether I would behave the same if I was alone on earth without the gaze of others, then I think, I think and I come back to the starting point of my question without remembering the initial thought and as the only temporal marker of my loop, the cigarette having shrunk...
Sometimes a friend will come to greet me and I will take time to recognize him because I was so disconnected and let's say introspective.
04:15:
My vision is starting to be seriously impaired, and my perspective of distances is skewed because someone turning on a flashlight at the other end of the warehouse made me believe it was someone's phone flash behind me.
I knew that I was alone among strangers and on a large dose but that didn't worry me so much, I was used to it, I didn't want to give in to panic.
04:30:
I decide to go urinate outside and I struggle towards the exit but the environment is really distorted and my vision is cut up frame by frame with a grainy filter which makes me see in 3 or 4 FPS. I am very surprised by this and it disconcerts me a little.
I'm approaching a fence but as is often the case under Ke + LSD I have trouble knowing if I'm not pissing myself when I go to urinate.
In the way that I have the feeling that, especially under Ket, that I could wake up from a dream and actually be in my bed, or just that I no longer know the spatial limits of my body well and that the the urine which is therefore supposed to get from my body to the outside of my body would get from my body to potentially my body...
So I decided to hold back and go find Noe to reassure myself and calm down.
I go towards the tent but walking alone in the street surrounded by strangers I am a little stressed.
I hear insults and shouts and I don't know if I'm making them up under stress or if they're real.
I run towards the tent but the path seems to get longer, there are more cars as far as the eye can see and I start to get stressed.
I manage to stay calm and reach the tent.
I am aware that I am seriously starting to freak out so I try to find a familiar face to reassure me but the tent neighbors were not there, I was alone.
I turned back and decided to return to the sound to absolutely find Noe, I was in distress.
04:45:
My vision was back to normal and I searched through the crowd to find Noe or another friend but I couldn't find no one and I didn't dare to ask a stranger to help me.
At one point I was so overwhelmed, I sat next to strangers because I was starting to lose touch with reality and panic.
He asked me if I was okay but I couldn't quite hear what he was saying and I told myself that in fact he couldn't help me, I was the only one that could face my trip.
I calmed down a little and told myself that I just had to be rational and that I could control myself and not break down.
It was at this moment that I met Madeleine, an old friend in whom I trusted completely and who had already saved me from a bad trip a year ago.
I tell her that it's not okay at all and that I would like her to help me. The spiral of negativity began to accelerate and little by little as I tried to hold on to reality I panicked more and more.
05:00:
I'm with Madeleine outside and despite the fact that I have a lot of confidence in her, Noe has already seen me in states of great vulnerability and distress because of k-holes with Acid or other antics.
He seemed like a better "anchor" to reality, so I decided to stay with Madeleine while waiting to find Noe.
I asked her to accompany me to urinate because she allowed me to be sure that I was peeing towards the outside and not on me or ultimately what was only myself.
She then decides to go to her car which was 100 meters away and I have to follow her I don't want to be alone.
There we find a stranger and my ascend continues now my whole environment has become hostile and the people around me are insulting or warning about the police who would come or any other misfortune.
The further I move away from Madeleine, the more I am sucked in and the more I disappear.
At one point I was 2-3 meters away from them and I heard them being horrified to see me in the car where I had peed everywhere without being aware of it as if I was witnessing the scene from the outside.
I'm panicking and the stranger is quite hostile, like everyone else from my point of view but I can't determine if it's him or me the "problem".
I'm so disconnected that I often need to hug Madeleine or hold her so I don't give in to total panic.
At one point, the stranger who was upset at seeing me interacting strangely socially became threatening and my “animal” instinct, or rather a little adrenaline, brought me back down.
So I try to reach Noe by phone but I have difficulty remembering my password, the layout of the keyboard has changed and what was a motor reflex is no longer so.
05:15:
I finally find Noe but I have sunk too much into the negative spiral and when we discuss everything he tells me is transformed into alarming things like the party is canceled and the cops are on their way, everything that I could fear.
I tell him that I doubt what he tells me and all the negativity that I tell him also influences him a little because he is on Acid too.
We go to the tent and he reassures me a little.
I sit on the ground and go through a stage of no return in the trip, I then perceive Noe as incapable of helping me and his value as an anchor to reality weakens.
I ran to join Madeleine who was now far away but as I moved away from Noe the road sucked me in like an infinite spiral and physically moved to make me disappear into the darkness.
Completely panicked, I came back to Noe and begged him to help me.
I was convinced that I was going to disappear.
From that moment on, I no longer remember my exact thought patterns or all the details.
05:30:
I am desperately looking for the answer to a question for which I cannot find the solution because everything I perceive of reality is in fact the fruit of myself and I fall into infinite loops which always bring me back to the fact that I'm only an output and I can't get the answer I'm looking for.
If I find it at one point I communicate it to Noe but when I lose it again and I fall back into the loop he cannot communicate it to me because all input is cut off, I control everything I perceive, Noe is not that the fruit of my perception and not reality, and as soon as I manage to emerge when I start to doubt again I fall back into the loop which materializes spatially by the environment which rotates until I disappear in a whirlwind colours.
Out of all reality.
By this time my 2 other friends had joined me and were trying to help me.
I asked them to describe the reality they perceived and how I situated myself physically so that I could try to reconnect with reality.
At times I barely escaped the infinite loop that made me disappear and I saw my friends insult each other and panic when they discussed, sometimes I managed to perceive their words correctly but their good will and feelings did not take me out of hell.
Moreover, sometimes I felt my body being covered in urine and my friends saw that I was pissing myself and I, completely ashamed and helpless, panicked even more as I disappeared.
At one moment I was so disconnected from reality that I no longer received its "input", I could only talk to my friends and tell them that I couldn't hear them.
I asked them to call for help because I was disappearing and I was totally panicked by these endless loops without answers that were tormenting me, I couldn't explain to them what was happening and as soon as I found an element of answer to solve my problem I forgot it and went back into a loop.
Especially since my friends couldn't give me the answer because at that moment my perception would change and I would find myself alone with myself disappearing into the loop again.
At one point I began to perceive the set and settings as a % which once it exceeded 50% allowed us to see life positively and not as a negative infernal spiral.
I was aware that it was enough to take the opposite of my current perception of things and see everything positively but I couldn't do it.
At one point I realized that if I could submit to my perception of reality and let it torture me, I could also be the creator of it and make things appear and this idea delighted me enormously to the point of turning the trip into a good one for a few moments.
The sky would take on a green hue and I would feel a small euphoria of omniscience or creator god before the sinister place plunged me back into the endless spiral of negativity.
05:50:
After long minutes of chatting with Noe, not leaving reality too much and improving my "%" of set and settings I was getting back on track and I was able to stay coherent for a few minutes.
When he asked me to go dancing or to move on I explained to him how real the torture was for me and that what I perceived of reality or how much people insulted each other or how my body filled with piss or other nightmares seemed real to me.
He realized that I was really panicked at the idea of reliving what I just got out of so he waited with me until I was confident enough to move on with the party.
I accepted the fact that I wasn't going to disappear and we went to dance because I didn't want to spoil my friend's evening.
06:00:
Thanks to the tekno music that I particularly liked, I managed to switch to “positive” and exit infinite loops.
So I stopped forgetting and transforming my perception of reality into what scared me and I could take notes and remember my thoughts.
The destructive spiral of the bad trip was as degenerative as the positive spiral of ideas and reflections that we retain when we are capable of seeing things positively was generative.
I felt great euphoria at this realization, to see that if it could be this much hell, it could be at least as much the opposite.
I ended up thinking that LSD simply allowed us to modify our perception of reality and to some extent manipulate it.
That our entire environment, our interactions and reality were inputs and outputs, with positive or negative potentials.
At that moment a fire stick wielder started his show and I sat in front of him for 30 minutes and 1 hour 30 minutes after he finished his show.
I no longer thought about dancing because I couldn't help but ask myself questions about what reality really was, about what defined it, about how we were capable of modifying it.
On how thanks to another being I was able to keep a link with reality just now.
I was fascinated by what I had just discovered, this side of LSD that I had not suspected, I had just witnessed the difference between what reality could be and how we perceived it.
I still have not found a solution that pleases me as of what is reality.
But just asking myself and thinking about it did me a lot of good.
I sometimes had the feeling that positivity and negativity were just the other side of the same coin and that everything was a constant balance, but it is difficult to understand your own thoughts on the subject when you are no longer in this state of awareness.
I also realized that ultimately, we had control over everything we perceived and that we could only create our reality without receiving it like when I could no longer communicate with my classmates but just talk to them.
I also noticed that it was interesting to describe the perception of reality at a given time like with a trip report for example because this does not require describing reality to infinity (the reality "function").
I continued to write down ideas on my phone.
08:00:
After a while, I was tired of thinking about all that, I just wanted to be a little "stupid" again and dance without worries, so I opened the rosé and made the aperitif then the day ended quietly without anything notorious apart from the fact that my grandmother on video said that my look was different that evening, I seemed changed.
I don't really know if it was because of my anisocoria, my dark circles or the fact that I often stared into space while thinking about what I had experienced...
17 hours after the trip my pupils were still a little dilated but I still managed to sleep well.
Thank you for reading, I hope my translation was fine.
I would have liked to be able to recall more details especially about the infinite loops of negativity leading to the disappearance of my existence, or on the fact that switching to good trip "mode" brought the solution to these loops.
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