I'm married to a lady I went to a high school dance with. She was married to the guy she met days after I took her to that cheesy dance for 30 years until her divorce and our reconciliation. I'd been as single man in his mid-forties during the height of the "50 Shades" fad. It was a good time to be single and middle-aged. My high school date was reading "50 Shades" and contacted me when her marriage was tanking. I was not only enjoying her in the biblical sense but fell in love with her because this was a woman my sister went to first grade with. We rode the same school bus as children. She was not some POF whore. Now, it seems that after our marriage and her coming off her hormones because it's been so many years since a hysterectomy and assorted sexual abuse issues the intimacy level is nonexistent. She's also an alcoholic that's leading me down her path. I love her but she's fucked up. Maybe some of the other Internet whores who still try to talk to me would be a better option. This is all pretty much rhetorical because there is no answer.
I'm not sure this is where you should be getting advice from so I would take the judgements above with a grain of salt. Relationships are super complex. What you have shared is a small window into the buckets of time you have spent (I think). Is hooking up easy? Yes. Is staying in a relationship lots of work? Yes.
A man your age whom I used to work with told me before I got married that my partner & I would fall in & out of love many times, I can tell you he was right. We are all screwed up & all have issues. It is finding the person we can work though them with. My partner fell into a super dark place a couple of years ago that I NEVER could have dreamt up. I took a vow to love in sickness & in health & although he wasn't sick with cancer, he was sick with addiction, turning my back on him in His greatest time of need would not fulfill the promise I made to God in my heart the day I said "I do".
Our culture is so self-serving. Me, me, me, I, I, I. We are all the center of our own universe. When I was going through my roughy patch with my partner my faith was all I had & I had very little of it. I heard a radio program that addressed this concept of our culture. In the Bible there is nothing about self-serving it is all about serving others... that was a turning point for me.
My advice, since you mentioned loving her in the biblical sense - would be to take this matter to the church. There are people who can help you work though all of your issues in a biblical sense. They are people so if they fail you go somewhere else.
I don't like to push the Bible on just anybody but since you mentioned it in your post I thought you might appreciate some
Biblical direction.
Also, sex addiction is a real thing, it chemically changes the brain. You might want to dig into it some & see if anything resonates.
