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Love and obsession, please help me

E

erniestavros

Greenlighter
Joined
Aug 11, 2013
Messages
40
Hey guys, i didnt know where else to post this so i jusy chose this forum instead, so anyways i knew thIs girl. She was really pretty when i started to get to know her. Eventually, this turned into obsession. For 12 months i was obsessed with her. The depressing part? She moved after summer, still in the same state but just a far away city. We werent in a relationship. Just friends, i never did tell her my feelings because i wad afraid of rejection. To this day i still think about her. Every single fucking day, even in my dreams. I dont know if im borderline or OCD or what all i know is that this happens to me multiple times. The only way to get out of it is to be obsessed with another girl. Thats just how it works. I drink alcohol to stop thinking about her. It traumatIzes me. Does anyone know if i hace some sort of mental issue? This always happens to me with girls. This is all i can type up guys im tired. Just got done crying about this dumb shit. Srry for the wall of text im doing this on my ipod.
 
i had a similar problem with an obsession over a girl for around 8 months

i can empathise with turning to drugs to try and blunt your feelings, but due to it helping you to not deal with your emotions this just makes things worse in the long run
some things that are good to do are, learn to live in the present, because if you don't even see this girl any more then your contact with her is in the past

do you look at her facebook page / photos of her regularly ? if so you need to get rid of prompts in your daily life which assist you in obsessive thoughts

something that helped me a lot was, i would get that first thought in my head "i love her" or the ache in my body, then you need to breath in and out through your nose and focus all your attention on the feeling of your breath inside your nostril, then the cycles of thoughts in your head die down and over time you can cut off vicious cycles of obsession quicker through practicing this when you have painful thoughts

i think you really need to work on your issues with fear of rejection, recognising thought patterns at the 'unconscious' level are a very effective way of breaking out of cycles of anxiety, i think it could be useful if it is possible for you to see a psychologist to help you gain an outside perspective on problems in your life, also cognitive behavioural therapy / mindfulness meditation are great tools to explore the roots of your consciousness and help you to gain control and mastery of your mind

really there are other ways out than being obsessed with another girl, its not a good way to live
 
Yeah you shouldn't be obsessed with her, but I think you know that.

Have you gone to therapy for your obsessive behaviour? I would recommend that.

Next time you like someone, just go for it. Don't keep thinking, wondering, etc. just DO it!
 
this kind of obsession is unhealthy

alcohol is not the solution to pining for someone.

first things first tell this girl and get it out of your system. then you have your answer.

fear of rejection is ridiculous because by not going after what you want you are effectively rejecting yourself before you had a chance. which is why you have been crying and thats silly.

i've been rejected before. it wasn't pleasant but it was worth it to get a bit of closure

she might even fancy you...
 
Yeah, don't you think it might help to tell this girl how you feel?
No one here can tell you if you have a mental issue but these levels of obsession definitely aren't healthy...the simple facts that it's making you feel so bad and drink as therapy are proof of that. Have you ever tried seeing a therapist about it? It could really help/be a good starting point. I'm sorry to hear you're going through this though. Best of luck <3
 
Obsession could possibly lead to something dangerous.

So I would agree with some of the other posters that if you have anything of this woman that triggers you to 'obsess' over her like:

Facebook page, phone number, pictures etc.. Toss em'. It's not doing anything for you but hurt you and make you constantly think about her.

Therapy doesn't sound like a bad idea if you feel like you cannot control these thoughts and emotions.
 
It sounds like you might be using this obsessive type of behavior as a way to avoid being in a real relationship with someone. Have you ever been in an actual relationship, or just a series of obsessions? Definitely not healthy, but it seems like you know that.
 
I have the same problem but with guys. I get obsessive and get depressed for no absolute reason. They never know that i feel this way and how much they hurt me. I really wish there was an answer. I hate myself for it because i know that all i have is to blame myself. I can never tell the other person that i feel this way because i know if i do ill just look pathetic. All i can say is that i know how you feel.
 
I have been obsessed over before, so from the other side ill tell you it feels like shit.

I say it feels like shit because there was nothing I could do about this guys feeling towards me, I felt so awful like literally there was noting I could do or say to make him stop. It got to the point from obsession to stalking me. He would call me over sixty times a day leaving crazy messages, watching me from his car outside of my house. So I had to get the police involved after her attacked me, I got a PFA against him. His obsession for me turned him into a monster towards the end.

You should seek professional help.
 
wow what a great useful thread- clearly there are a lot of people who have obsessive love issues.

having been obsessed myself while under the throes of a meph issue i can say its not an attractive look and it kind of ruined a friendship. the key is to date real people who you dont know and therefore haven't had time to develop the crush yet.
 
Beachcat said:
It sounds like you might be using this obsessive type of behavior as a way to avoid being in a real relationship with someone. Have you ever been in an actual relationship, or just a series of obsessions? Definitely not healthy, but it seems like you know that.
Click to expand...

This happened to me before I got my first relationship, not nice at all
 
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