Lol I think you should worry more about wd induced depression. That's the worst thing ever. You seem to take the fact that you're about to enter an opioid wd with an awful lot of stoicism...I'd be having a mental breakdown. The pain, the chills, the anxiety, the depression, the psychotic panic attacks, puking, shitting, muscles ache like acid is flowing through them...every time I cold turkeyed I was on the ground screaming and crying for help, and you're like "oh and btw I'm about to cold turkey guys lol".
You're either one hell of a hardcore mf...or you're one hell of a hardcore mf.
Maybe I've just become too soft for wds. I just can't handle them anymore.
Wish I could throw some of my morphine over to you and help you. Do you have no access to comfort meds? Some Clonidine maybe? Or loperamide for the gastrointestinal stuff?
nah, depression does get bad and anxiety on opioid withdrawal. The suboxone I kinda taperered slightly and I have already been in withdrawl just not severe yet. Who knows maybe I’ll get lucky. I think maybe being high asf on stims for the past few days has masked most of the withdrawl maybe. I think I may have tapered too fast tho. I told my dr I wanted to do an agressive taper and so I jumped from 16mg a day for the past three months to 2mg but I ended up taking more because I was feeling like shit on my come downs and thought it would help so been out for two days. I’m thinking jumping from 16 to 2 maybe was a bit too aggressive. Probably should have took the drifters advice and not insisted on it, but as you can probably tell I’m hardheaded lol.
To be honest I’m more worried about the Vyvanse withdrawal. I’ve been on it for about 3-4 months and I just did an entire months supply in 4 days so I fear the withdrawl will definitely fuck with my mental state. I get can suboxone very easily. In fact part of the reason why I may seem kinda stoic about it is I have an appointment in 2 days to get more and probably will just increase it to 8mg. I think jumping from 16 to 2 was a mistake. At least this fast.
The vyvanse is much harder to replace. Doctors are very strict with stimulants for obvious reasons and because I think they get put under a magnifying glass when their DEA number keeps popping up stimulant prescriptions. The only thing I can try probably is asking for a different adhd medication. I know she would put me back on adderral but I know I’d end up abusing it so I don’t want an amphetamine. I’m thinking a long acting Ritalin type stimulant. I would think they would be less likely to cause strong euphoria. And that’s what triggers me. When I take my normal dose I got euphoria and after a couple months I gave in and abused it. Withdrawing from subs probably didn’t help with the cravings. I guess it was a perfect storm.
I’d even consider modafinil but from what I’ve read it doesn’t seem very effective. Ritalin type drugs just block reuptake but amphetamines do that and release dopamine. So I would think that Ritalin type drugs will help with my adhd but not cause euphoria in the way that amphetamines do.
Clonidine actually would be nice to be honest. I would have been able to sleep last night. I’m sure she would prescribe it and it’s probably a good idea to keep on hand to help if I ever do relapse again. I hope not, but my track record doesn’t convince me that it won’t happen unless they give me something other than amphetamine.
I can definitely get loperamide tho. I mean I’m pretty sure it’s OTC. Clonidine I’ll have to wait for my appointment. My sub doctor is also my adhd doctor. She’s known me a few years and originally had me on adderral but they out me on vyvanse inpatient and so when I got out and went back to her she asked if I wanted to go back on adderral instead. And I told her no. I didn’t tell her why but I know it’s more abusable. Vyvanse has some kind of ceiling effect I feel like. Tho what dose that is I have yet to figure out and I’m done experimenting.
And Clonidine is actually often used as an add on medication to treat adhd.
I actually do want to be sober I think. Well soberish if I’m being honest. I just don’t want to be trapped in a cycle of an all consuming addiction.
I’m actually over the depression I think. Or maybe the kratom is just helping idk. I could hardly stomach drinking it down tho. Almost threw up several times. I never used to. Idk why it does it now. I want to drink more. I have a stock pile but I really don’t feel like gulping down another glass. Just I feel the mood lift fading and to be honest I may seem like I’m a bad ass but I fear the depressing thought loops more than anything. It get very very dark for me to say the least.
I’m good though. Thanks for your support
