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  • BDD Moderators: Keif’ Richards | negrogesic

Losing all control when on speed...

A

Antiprosynthesis

Bluelighter
Joined
May 15, 2022
Messages
1,155
When I use speed I lose all control over myself, I AM in a very.detached state of mind and very unaware of what is going on...

I start to be extreme chatty and can't stop talking, and I have no control anymore about.what.I say to Both Friends as strangers - I start to tell Lies while.usually.I never.do this and I tell these stories with such great.detail that.people often believe me even while these stories are really extreme and highly unlikely...

I don't think about the things I say, they Just come.out of my mouth while I totally.don't want to say these things... All control is completely gone...

Are this psychotic tendencies? And if not,.what could explain this? And are there ppl that have something similar? And are there good information.sources about this? ...?
 
How long have you been using? How much are you using?

This sounds like it could definitely be psychosis and/or mania, although I am far from an expert on stims.

When's the last time you took a break, got some sleep and recovered?
 
I use drugs for over 20 years and I used stimulants for years on a daily basis.

I did speed non stop from monday till friday, slept a night and started again non stop till now...
 
Antiprosynthesis said:
I use drugs for over 20 years and I used stimulants for years on a daily basis.

I did speed non stop from monday till friday, slept a night and started again non stop till now...
Click to expand...
It's time to take a break my friend.

I have seen many long term stimulant users make amazing recoveries after they stop using.

However it is very important to stop a psychosis as soon as it starts, letting it continue is not a good idea. The sooner you get it under control the easier the recovery will be. If you continue, it likely won't end well.

Have you ever sought help, detox, rehab or anything?
 
Antiprosynthesis said:
I start to be extreme chatty and can't stop talking, and I have no control anymore about.what.I say to Both Friends as strangers - I start to tell Lies while.usually.I never.do this and I tell these stories with such great.detail that.people often believe me even while these stories are really extreme and highly unlikely...

I don't think about the things I say, they Just come.out of my mouth while I totally.don't want to say these things... All control is completely gone...
Click to expand...
That is 100% drug-induced psychosis. When was the last time you gave yourself a good solid break from drugs?

Antiprosynthesis said:
I did speed non stop from monday till friday, slept a night and started again non stop till now...
Click to expand...
This is so incredibly bad for your brain, literally raping it and sapping it dry of all its neurochemicals, without giving ANYTHING back to replenish it like food, water or sleep. This fully explains why you're suffering bouts of psychosis. It will only continue to get worse as you get older and continue to abuse your brain :(
 
I had a break last week, before that IT was several weeks ago since I used.

I have extensive exepierence with professional help but I.have rather bad exepierences with such things...
 
Antiprosynthesis said:
I had a break last week, before that IT was several weeks ago since I used.

I have extensive exepierence with professional help but I.have rather bad exepierences with such things...
Click to expand...
Oh okay, sorry to hear you've had bad experiences with getting help :( Which country are you in man?
 
Antiprosynthesis said:
I have extensive exepierence with professional help but I.have rather bad exepierences with such things...
Click to expand...
I have had poor experiences as well, many of them, as a drug user in the US health system. I've also had positive experiences. People in our situation shouldn't be adverse to the medical system, this would only harm us in the long run.

I've experienced a long term psychosis lasting well over a year due to excessive drug use because I kept pushing the envelope and ignoring the signs of psychosis. That was by far the most traumatic experience of my life. I'm talking about the type of psychosis where even if you stop the drugs and become sober... you are still in psychosis.

It was the most powerful teacher I've ever had. The terrifying thought that you have broken your brain permanently due to drugs is traumatic and something I encourage you to avoid. It led to suicide attempts, homelessness, etc. While it was eventually not enough to keep me permanently sober, it was enough for me to stop using the drugs that caused the psychosis and others like it, and to be much more cautious/cognizant about my use in general.

I really encourage you to take a long term break from the stimulants. At the very least, switch to a different type of drug with a different mode of action for the purpose of harm reduction, if you can't stop completely (which I understand).
 
Negentropic said:
I have had poor experiences as well, many of them, as a drug user in the US health system. I've also had positive experiences. People in our situation shouldn't be adverse to the medical system, this would only harm us in the long run.

I've experienced a long term psychosis lasting well over a year due to excessive drug use. That was by far the most traumatic experience of my life. I'm talking about the type of psychosis where even if you stop the drugs and become sober... you are still in psychosis.

It was the most powerful teacher I've ever had. The terrifying thought that you have broken your brain permanently due to drugs is traumatic and something I encourage you to avoid. It led to suicide attempts, homelessness, etc. While it was eventually not enough to keep me permanently sober, it was enough for me to stop using the drugs that caused the psychosis and others like it, and to be much more cautious/cognizant about my use in general.

I really encourage you to take a long term break from the stimulants. At the very least, switch to a different type of drug with a different mode of action for the purpose of harm reduction, if you can't stop completely (which I understand).
Click to expand...
Im sorry to hear what happened to you, that indeed must be very challenging to cope with...

Im not planning to quit alcohol and weed and hash, but I never exepierenced Any problem with these two drugs...

Weed and hash are like a medicin to me, IT relaxes me to great lengts, and IT relaxes me way more than Lets say a handfull benzo's...

I can handle any stim comedown perfectly as long as I can smoke enough joints...
 
Antiprosynthesis said:
Im sorry to hear what happened to you, that indeed must be very challenging to cope with...

Im not planning to quit alcohol and weed and hash, but I never exepierenced Any problem with these two drugs...

Weed and hash are like a medicin to me, IT relaxes me to great lengts, and IT relaxes me way more than Lets say a handfull benzo's...

I can handle any stim comedown perfectly as long as I can smoke enough joints...
Click to expand...
That's OK. Many addicts maintain with alcohol and cannabis. I did for many years. A lot less acutely destructive than speed. Eventually the alcohol became a problem for me but one step at a time, right?

The important part here is just to arrest the psychosis and stop feeding it with the causative drug.
 
Snafu in the Void said:
I have had poor experiences as well, many of them, as a drug user in the US health system. I've also had positive experiences. People in our situation shouldn't be adverse to the medical system, this would only harm us in the long run.

I've experienced a long term psychosis lasting well over a year due to excessive drug use because I kept pushing the envelope and ignoring the signs of psychosis. That was by far the most traumatic experience of my life. I'm talking about the type of psychosis where even if you stop the drugs and become sober... you are still in psychosis.

It was the most powerful teacher I've ever had. The terrifying thought that you have broken your brain permanently due to drugs is traumatic and something I encourage you to avoid. It led to suicide attempts, homelessness, etc. While it was eventually not enough to keep me permanently sober, it was enough for me to stop using the drugs that caused the psychosis and others like it, and to be much more cautious/cognizant about my use in general.

I really encourage you to take a long term break from the stimulants. At the very least, switch to a different type of drug with a different mode of action for the purpose of harm reduction, if you can't stop completely (which I understand).
Click to expand...
What made you realise you were in psychosis? What did you feel like?
 
theoriginalfarmer said:
What made you realise you were in psychosis? What did you feel like?
Click to expand...
Well, that particular psychosis I had taken some mushrooms one night. I remember getting ready for work, then I just blacked out. I have no memory at all of the next 3-4 days, but I know for a fact I went to work. When I came to I knew something was very wrong. I remember repeatedly thinking "I broke my brain, I broke my brain, I broke my brain".

I was having visual hallucinations akin to mushrooms as if the trip never ended. I was hearing multiple voices in my head. My own internal dialogue voice had changed, became someone else and would talk to me in the 3rd person. I was seeing numbers and letters projected over everything like the walls. I was hearing music and movie sound effects. I was having intense CEV hallucinations. I would have extremely vivid memory recalls of inane and unimportant events from the past. My mental state had drastically changed. My inner voice would start laughing and growling at me.

Honestly it's a bit difficult to describe or recall in detail, it was such a traumatic experience I think I've blocked a lot of it out from memory, at least the first week or two of it.
 
Antiprosynthesis said:
I use drugs for over 20 years and I used stimulants for years on a daily basis.

I did speed non stop from monday till friday, slept a night and started again non stop till now...
Click to expand...
Yeah you don't need anyone to tell ya you're WAY overdoing it. Also that much sleep deprivation doesn't do your brain function any damn favours.
 
I lose control on speed and what winds up that fast too often usually comes sputtering to a messy halt
 
I thought this was gonna be a post about how OP becomes a whore (like me and usually everyone else) on meth.

but having no control over what comes out of your mouth?

By speed, do you mean methamp or just regular amphetamine?

That doesn't even sound like psychosis or at least not one I've been through. You said this only happens when you use speed right? Does it happen immediately after taking your first few hits?
I could maybe understand if it happens once sleep deprivation sets in (I hear things on meth).
But having no control over what you say & actually being aware of yourself while doing it doesn't sound like a normal psychosis to me.

Usually people in a psychosis speak disorganized & just make no sense. Not always of course though.

But you specifically state that you have no control over what you say and that what you do end up saying is all lies (wouldn't that take some level of sanity or cognitive ability to come up with a good coherent lie???).

I've also done drugs 20+ years (off and on binges mostly of course), with the daily weed, booze or opiates.
but I have never had this problem on a meth binge. I have ended up in psychosis, but didn't have issues controlling my speech or telling people lies.


I dunno, could something else be going on here?

Reading back, it does sound like you were up for a long time & then started again.
It could very well be psychosis then. I'v'e never seen it manifest the way you're speaking of it though, but everyone is a different level of their own kind of 'crazy' (and I don't mean that offensively). So it's very possible it's the stims.
 
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I experienced similar psychosis states when I used to binge on Adderall for days at a time. It's kinda scary. To bring myself down from psychosis episodes I took Benadryl to relax me. I realized that no matter how high on Adderall you are, Benadryl cancels it out and I'm able to sleep/relax.
 
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