Looking for tips and understanding of my abused temple - some way to recover.

[Detrol]

Hi everyone!

Below i will copy what i posted on another forum a few months ago. It has gotten a little bit better right now, but truth is, it goes very much up and down. All in all, i still have a lot of anxiety, and especially the social kind. I have started meditating daily which helps a bit with the general anxiety at least, and I'm about to meet a psychiatrist at the end of the month, who i plan to tell everything about my experiences, and see what kind of help i can get. But i still really want, and need any kind of info or input i can get.

I have after some reading figured that i might have messed up my glutamate-receptors. What do you think on this as well?

Also forgot to mention that a couple of days ago, i started trying out NAC and Noopept, since i had read very good responses regarding these from people, but truth is, at least from Noopept, i don't feel anything special but pressure on my chest and burning sensation around my heart. As well as brain cloud as fuck.

---------------------------------------------------

So this post is probably gonna be pretty long, because i will have to explain to you my experiences ever since 2015, when my mental breakage started, as good as i can, because i have always had a very impaired memory. Probably due to my AuDHD. I'm hoping that someone here might have any idea of what is going on with my mind and body, and what i can do to recover.

In 2015 i went to my first ever rave, where i got to try ecstacy. I had an amazing experience all through out.
But it changed me majorly. Within a month i sold everything i had, quit my apartment and moved out into a tent permanently.
Later i moved into a camper instead where i lived for 6 months.
Both of these experiences was profound in a positive matter.

But after that rave, that's when i became more accustomed to drugs, and wanted to try and experience more things.
There is a lot of timeframes that i have forgotten and what i had been doing during them, but i got into the culture and practically became a hippie - got dreads and everything.
LSD, pot, mushrooms, MDMA, Amphetamine - all became a weekend habit, and luckily i never got addicted to anything, except to pot for a few months. But it wasn't bad at all.

The issue is that more and more i developed anxiety and bad self esteem. I think it happened so slowly so i couldn't grasp what was going on, and today I'm unsure if it's due to the drugs, or the "psychosis" i had back in 2015.

In 2018 i moved to a neighboring country for work, and of course i met the same kind of people there, and did a little bit of everything during some weekends, but not as often as in my home country, because i worked so much.

Although i did get a knee injury at work, so i couldn't work for 6 months. That's when i started to smoke a lot of pot daily, because i was mostly stuck in our communal apartment up on the 7th floor without an elevator, and yeah.. we had a dealer living there.

The anxiety got worse and worse, and after a few months i moved back to my home country. Got reengaged with the same people that i learned to know before, and the partying kept going every or every second weekend.

I think it was 2019, or 2020 that me and a friend on new years eve shared 9 ecstacy pills in one evening. And i think it messed up my system. I can't remember anything from that evening, and i got to learn a long time later how many we actually took. But i think this is where my real anxiety started, although I'm very confused about when and where my symtoms started and escalated, due to my already bad memory. I've never been able to remember from day to day how i'm functioning.

Up to here, i don't think I've had any physical symtoms that's been worrying.

I didn't touch MDMA for a long time after this, and i did it again with a smaller dosage in the summer of 2021 - this is when i felt something really strange in my right arm, i got intense paint if i didn't stretch out my arm while under the effect.

Every since then, i haven't touched it at all and i don't want to. That scared me.

In 2022 i went to a party where i used amphetamine and Lyrica(Pregabalin) for two days, and the second day is when i apparently got too much(i had actually forgotten how much i had taken when i was offered more). I got a seizure and apparently i couldn't breath due to it. Luckily someone there had some medical experience and opened my air ways.

Obviously i haven't dared to touch Lyrica again(i did read that it was possible to get this reaction together with amphetamine).

But i did party a lot more with amphetamine later, due to all my friends doing it.

Eventually, i got to a point - where I'm still at today. I can't touch the stuff. The last time i did it at a party, i felt like shit and it was like a psychosis was about to kick in.

Now i feel the same way even with micro dosages. It's like i get the crash of it instantly.

So, my point with this is that i think something is messed up in my chemistry, that is causing both my physical and mental problems. I can't say that for sure, because I'm obviously no doctor.

Now today, mentally, i have very intense social anxiety, and in general. I barely speak to anyone anymore. I'm shaking most throughout the day and get intense brain cloud. I get panicked when i meet a neighbor in my own apartment building.

I feel that the more i tried to remember and the more i wrote, the harder i had to strain myself writing this - so sorry if it's a bit cloudy here as well. It might be all over the place.

But i want to understand what exactly is going on in my body, why I'm having this anxiety that i can't seem get rid of. If it's some chemical imbalance, or if I'm just so mentally unstable because of trauma and stuff.

I recently switched to LCHF diet, just a couple a weeks ago to see if i will feel any better, and I'm taking multivitamins and minerals daily. Caffeine i can take in small doses sometimes, but mostly it just triggers me more. Same with nicotine. Weed makes me feel like shit and paranoid.

I have days where i function better, but most of the time not so much. All in all, I'm trying my best to recover, but i don't feel that anything is really helping - i can almost feel that something in my brain is broken, if that makes any sense. Just as I'm worried about how my body is responding to stimulants, it feels like my whole temple is broken in general.

Before all this started pre-2015, i was a very social and lovable person with a lot of friends, and now i barely have anyone. I've thought about professional help, but my anxiety gets the best of me even thinking about it.

Sorry again for being all over the place, i can feel my brain shutting down after all this writing and thinking - but i had to put out whatever came to mind, and i just couldn't organize it better.

I hope i didn't forget anything important.

Thanks for reading!

 

[Lil'LinaptkSix]

Way too long for me ATM but to reply to topic posted:
The temple "heals" - or it doesn't - then changes form. Beats me.... Can't wrap my head around it right now too much confusion and static about.
Peace

 

[OceansState]

In my younger years i was very social, never home and always out with people. We were always drinking. Then i got into opiates and continued to drink, I needed it to feel ok but always over did it so I felt great. Now that im older, no drinking, i feel myself nervous a lot. Even home on the couch ill hear a loud noise and find myself jumping. I get nervous talking to new people, I can feel myself shaking.

I think it has to do with my self confidence. I feel low, ashamed of myself. I know its all in my head.

 

[snmfmy]

Hi everyone!

Below i will copy what i posted on another forum a few months ago. It has gotten a little bit better right now, but truth is, it goes very much up and down. All in all, i still have a lot of anxiety, and especially the social kind. I have started meditating daily which helps a bit with the general anxiety at least, and I'm about to meet a psychiatrist at the end of the month, who i plan to tell everything about my experiences, and see what kind of help i can get. But i still really want, and need any kind of info or input i can get.

I have after some reading figured that i might have messed up my glutamate-receptors. What do you think on this as well?

Also forgot to mention that a couple of days ago, i started trying out NAC and Noopept, since i had read very good responses regarding these from people, but truth is, at least from Noopept, i don't feel anything special but pressure on my chest and burning sensation around my heart. As well as brain cloud as fuck.

---------------------------------------------------

So this post is probably gonna be pretty long, because i will have to explain to you my experiences ever since 2015, when my mental breakage started, as good as i can, because i have always had a very impaired memory. Probably due to my AuDHD. I'm hoping that someone here might have any idea of what is going on with my mind and body, and what i can do to recover.

In 2015 i went to my first ever rave, where i got to try ecstacy. I had an amazing experience all through out.
But it changed me majorly. Within a month i sold everything i had, quit my apartment and moved out into a tent permanently.
Later i moved into a camper instead where i lived for 6 months.
Both of these experiences was profound in a positive matter.

But after that rave, that's when i became more accustomed to drugs, and wanted to try and experience more things.
There is a lot of timeframes that i have forgotten and what i had been doing during them, but i got into the culture and practically became a hippie - got dreads and everything.
LSD, pot, mushrooms, MDMA, Amphetamine - all became a weekend habit, and luckily i never got addicted to anything, except to pot for a few months. But it wasn't bad at all.

The issue is that more and more i developed anxiety and bad self esteem. I think it happened so slowly so i couldn't grasp what was going on, and today I'm unsure if it's due to the drugs, or the "psychosis" i had back in 2015.

In 2018 i moved to a neighboring country for work, and of course i met the same kind of people there, and did a little bit of everything during some weekends, but not as often as in my home country, because i worked so much.

Although i did get a knee injury at work, so i couldn't work for 6 months. That's when i started to smoke a lot of pot daily, because i was mostly stuck in our communal apartment up on the 7th floor without an elevator, and yeah.. we had a dealer living there.

The anxiety got worse and worse, and after a few months i moved back to my home country. Got reengaged with the same people that i learned to know before, and the partying kept going every or every second weekend.

I think it was 2019, or 2020 that me and a friend on new years eve shared 9 ecstacy pills in one evening. And i think it messed up my system. I can't remember anything from that evening, and i got to learn a long time later how many we actually took. But i think this is where my real anxiety started, although I'm very confused about when and where my symtoms started and escalated, due to my already bad memory. I've never been able to remember from day to day how i'm functioning.

Up to here, i don't think I've had any physical symtoms that's been worrying.

I didn't touch MDMA for a long time after this, and i did it again with a smaller dosage in the summer of 2021 - this is when i felt something really strange in my right arm, i got intense paint if i didn't stretch out my arm while under the effect.

Every since then, i haven't touched it at all and i don't want to. That scared me.

In 2022 i went to a party where i used amphetamine and Lyrica(Pregabalin) for two days, and the second day is when i apparently got too much(i had actually forgotten how much i had taken when i was offered more). I got a seizure and apparently i couldn't breath due to it. Luckily someone there had some medical experience and opened my air ways.

Obviously i haven't dared to touch Lyrica again(i did read that it was possible to get this reaction together with amphetamine).

But i did party a lot more with amphetamine later, due to all my friends doing it.

Eventually, i got to a point - where I'm still at today. I can't touch the stuff. The last time i did it at a party, i felt like shit and it was like a psychosis was about to kick in.

Now i feel the same way even with micro dosages. It's like i get the crash of it instantly.

So, my point with this is that i think something is messed up in my chemistry, that is causing both my physical and mental problems. I can't say that for sure, because I'm obviously no doctor.

Now today, mentally, i have very intense social anxiety, and in general. I barely speak to anyone anymore. I'm shaking most throughout the day and get intense brain cloud. I get panicked when i meet a neighbor in my own apartment building.

I feel that the more i tried to remember and the more i wrote, the harder i had to strain myself writing this - so sorry if it's a bit cloudy here as well. It might be all over the place.

But i want to understand what exactly is going on in my body, why I'm having this anxiety that i can't seem get rid of. If it's some chemical imbalance, or if I'm just so mentally unstable because of trauma and stuff.

I recently switched to LCHF diet, just a couple a weeks ago to see if i will feel any better, and I'm taking multivitamins and minerals daily. Caffeine i can take in small doses sometimes, but mostly it just triggers me more. Same with nicotine. Weed makes me feel like shit and paranoid.

I have days where i function better, but most of the time not so much. All in all, I'm trying my best to recover, but i don't feel that anything is really helping - i can almost feel that something in my brain is broken, if that makes any sense. Just as I'm worried about how my body is responding to stimulants, it feels like my whole temple is broken in general.

Before all this started pre-2015, i was a very social and lovable person with a lot of friends, and now i barely have anyone. I've thought about professional help, but my anxiety gets the best of me even thinking about it.

Sorry again for being all over the place, i can feel my brain shutting down after all this writing and thinking - but i had to put out whatever came to mind, and i just couldn't organize it better.

I hope i didn't forget anything important.

Thanks for reading!

If you're having daily anxiety after significant amphetamine exposure, it could be a dysfunction with your hypothalamus pituitary adrenal axis or your HPA axis.

Unfortunately, It's very difficult to reset the HPA axis when it's hyperactivated which it seems like it's in your case.

It seems like you're possibly in the EU somewhere. I would try and find a doctor that would prescribe you chlordiazepoxide (mild and long-lasting) or possibly diazepam (slightly stronger than chlordiazepoxide). If they're taking in the proper dosage and not abused, they can provide relief so that diet, exercise and cognitive therapy like meditation can help you reset and rebalance your HPA axis.

In your current state, use of cannabis in any form with the possible exception of CBD, is known to precipitate panic attacks and adversely increase your anxiety levels so you should abstain.

 

[Snafu in the Void]

@Detrol 9 pills of MDMA can certainly do a lot of neurological damage, or even be lethal. I had a good friend die after taking a similar amount.

But what I find a bit odd is your reaction to Lyrica. It is not known to cause seizures during acute effects, if anything the opposite. Did you overdose on it?

The anxiety could have a lot of explanations. Some people spontaneously develop it as they age. The drugs could be to blame. Unfortunately even with a team of scientists it would be practically impossible to pinpoint a cause in retrospect.

Have you ever spoken to a psychiatrist about this? Did you visit a doctor after your seizure? It could be a medical issue... and my gut feeling is that your anxiety may be a natural condition as well as exacerbated by withdrawals.

All we can really do here is speculate.

I have blasted my brain with countless drugs over 20+ years, much more than you, and my anxiety levels are not much different from when I was a teenager (in my sober state, in lieu of withdrawal, etc)... or maybe worse, but I have learned better coping mechanisms now.

 

[Detrol]

In my younger years i was very social, never home and always out with people. We were always drinking. Then i got into opiates and continued to drink, I needed it to feel ok but always over did it so I felt great. Now that im older, no drinking, i feel myself nervous a lot. Even home on the couch ill hear a loud noise and find myself jumping. I get nervous talking to new people, I can feel myself shaking.

I think it has to do with my self confidence. I feel low, ashamed of myself. I know its all in my head.

That is an interesting observation, i also have very low self confidence, maybe a lot of my anxiety is due to that at least. Most likely a lot due to regret how i fucked my brain and the fact that i've been told i have treated some people badly under the influence, and because i'm really a very emphatic person.

Wish you the best recovery too.

If you're having daily anxiety after significant amphetamine exposure, it could be a dysfunction with your hypothalamus pituitary adrenal axis or your HPA axis.

Unfortunately, It's very difficult to reset the HPA axis when it's hyperactivated which it seems like it's in your case.

It seems like you're possibly in the EU somewhere. I would try and find a doctor that would prescribe you chlordiazepoxide (mild and long-lasting) or possibly diazepam (slightly stronger than chlordiazepoxide). If they're taking in the proper dosage and not abused, they can provide relief so that diet, exercise and cognitive therapy like meditation can help you reset and rebalance your HPA axis.

In your current state, use of cannabis in any form with the possible exception of CBD, is known to precipitate panic attacks and adversely increase your anxiety levels so you should abstain.

Interesting, i will see what the psychiatrist say that i will meet at the end of the month. Preferably i wouldn't want to become addicted to something just to feel good, i hate that thought and that's why i have never felt into an addiction before, even if it's prescribed. But if only for a while until i get my life back together, and to reset this balance, than maybe it's worth it.

Thanks for the info.

@Detrol 9 pills of MDMA can certainly do a lot of neurological damage, or even be lethal. I had a good friend die after taking a similar amount.

But what I find a bit odd is your reaction to Lyrica. It is not known to cause seizures during acute effects, if anything the opposite. Did you overdose on it?

The anxiety could have a lot of explanations. Some people spontaneously develop it as they age. The drugs could be to blame. Unfortunately even with a team of scientists it would be practically impossible to pinpoint a cause in retrospect.

Have you ever spoken to a psychiatrist about this? Did you visit a doctor after your seizure? It could be a medical issue... and my gut feeling is that your anxiety may be a natural condition as well as exacerbated by withdrawals.

All we can really do here is speculate.

I have blasted my brain with countless drugs over 20+ years, much more than you, and my anxiety levels are not much different from when I was a teenager (in my sober state, in lieu of withdrawal, etc)... or maybe worse, but I have learned better coping mechanisms now.

We shared 9, so actually 4.5, which is still a lot, i think they were 250mg - questionable quality.

Actually, when taken with amphetamine, it is a known reaction, but i can't seem to find the study right now which i read before, and i've also read reports on it before from other people. And i overdid both of them. I suspect that this event might have messed up my nervous system even more than it already was.

There might be some truth to that, and a lot of it might actually be just because of trauma and ptsd i have caused myself in relation to my drug abuse, and not due to the drugs themselves. I am a very sensitive person, so there's that as well. I judge myself a lot.

But yeah, speculate is pretty much all i do, and can do. I just wanted some more input, mostly because i feel desperate. I will meet a psychiatrist soon at least, and hopefully she will be able to lean me in the right direction so i can get the proper help. I did not talk to anyone after my seizure, but probably i should have. This was a few years ago now.

My biggest problem is that it affects my job and personal relations a lot, mostly because i don't know/remember how to talk to people due to stress and depression i suspect, and my social energy runs dry very easily.

Thanks for the input.

 

[snmfmy]

That is an interesting observation, i also have very low self confidence, maybe a lot of my anxiety is due to that at least. Most likely a lot due to regret how i fucked my brain and the fact that i've been told i have treated some people badly under the influence, and because i'm really a very emphatic person.

Wish you the best recovery too.



Interesting, i will see what the psychiatrist say that i will meet at the end of the month. Preferably i wouldn't want to become addicted to something just to feel good, i hate that thought and that's why i have never felt into an addiction before, even if it's prescribed. But if only for a while until i get my life back together, and to reset this balance, than maybe it's worth it.

Thanks for the info.



We shared 9, so actually 4.5, which is still a lot, i think they were 250mg - questionable quality.

Actually, when taken with amphetamine, it is a known reaction, but i can't seem to find the study right now which i read before, and i've also read reports on it before from other people. And i overdid both of them. I suspect that this event might have messed up my nervous system even more than it already was.

There might be some truth to that, and a lot of it might actually be just because of trauma and ptsd i have caused myself in relation to my drug abuse, and not due to the drugs themselves. I am a very sensitive person, so there's that as well. I judge myself a lot.

But yeah, speculate is pretty much all i do, and can do. I just wanted some more input, mostly because i feel desperate. I will meet a psychiatrist soon at least, and hopefully she will be able to lean me in the right direction so i can get the proper help. I did not talk to anyone after my seizure, but probably i should have. This was a few years ago now.

My biggest problem is that it affects my job and personal relations a lot, mostly because i don't know/remember how to talk to people due to stress and depression i suspect, and my social energy runs dry very easily.

Thanks for the input.

It's highly unlikely they were 250 mg unless you have an actual drugsdata.org quantitative assessment and can actually unequivocally tie that press to what was sent in.

 

[Detrol]

It's highly unlikely they were 250 mg unless you have an actual drugsdata.org quantitative assessment and can actually unequivocally tie that press to what was sent in.

this is why i wrote questionable quality