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Looking for help with mood stabilization

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washingtonbound

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 19, 2013
Messages
450
Hi all, wanted to run this buy you guys in case anyone has input on extreme liability of mood. I was diagnosed bipolar three years ago but I feel that it's just a label given to people with many different mood issues. I don't really rapid cycle between euphoria and depression, rather my mood is very volatile where one minute I could be calm enough and then the next minute extremely angry or sensitive. I have issues with self degradation and intrusive thoughts that prohibit me from functioning fully in daily life. For instance, whenever I start a job I usually end up getting fired because I'm constantly feeling guilt and shame about myself that prohibit me from performing adequately. Anyway, I have been on depakote, lithium, lamictal, seroquel, zyprexa, gabapentin, wellbutrin, and several other various bipolar meds and nothing has really "stuck" with me. Too much lithium felt like a chemical lobotomy and I felt high suicidal ideation after going through zyprexa withdrawal. Overall I have not been satisfied with the western psychiatric approach to treating mental disorders so I'm wondering if anyone else has had better luck. I'm all for the natural approach as well but have not found an herb that is nearly strong enough to deal with my issues. There is a TCM doctor near me that I'd like to go to but he doesn't take insurance. Could anyone fill me in on what's worked for them in leveling them out that doesn't kill of your personality in the process? Thanks.
 
I noticed lurasidone (Latuda) is not among the medications you've listed. It's so damn expensive it will take some wrangling to get insurance to pay for it. I've not taken it, but there are posts here, plus I have a close friend who is on it that said it was life changing and that they could finally function.
 
I was diagnosed schizoaffective years ago, but regardless of label, I've not had much luck with meds when it comes to my mood, nor psychosis. It's been sometime since I've seen a doc, but I got so sick of shitty shrinks that I don't know if I'll ever seek their help again. Obviously, illicit drug use isn't the answer for me either, and may exacerbate symptoms, but still hooked on heroin. :/

Best of luck, and please share if you do find some relief.
 
Thanks for your input scootin. Many very interesting people I've met have been labeled schizoaffective. I wish I had a concrete answer to what provides relief but its all relative. A lot of people talk to me about meditation/exercise, and yoga and those things can provide some short term relief. But as far as meds go I've been looking into traditional Chinese medicine as an alternative. At the moment I don't have a miracle formula that I can recommend, some people really like acupuncture but I don't. Just be sure to do your own research on anything you think of trying and don't trust any shitty shrink like you said.
 
I'm bipolar 2 and definitely not rapid cycling.
I'm happy with a lower dose of Depakote, too much Depakote and I was comatose for 2 weeks. My doctor has adjusted my Depakote between 500 mgs and 1,000 mgs over the last few years depending on my moods. Depakote really helped when I was irritable and easily angered. I take 40 mgs of Prozac but that doesn't sound applicable here because that has more to do with my PMDD, a pre-menstrual mood disorder. I added Latuda recently and it's so different from any mood stabilizer I've taken. It actually feels like it gives me energy and helps me get out of bed in the morning. It is something you have to jump through hoops with insurance for but a good doctor will do that work for you. Also since it is brand name doctors can get samples for you for free. I took months of free samples of it to decide that it was something I wanted for sure.
 
I don't think that an herb is going to help in this case but I do think that diet is very important for mood--way more connected than many people realize. But beyond that, it seems that you could also benefit by taking a free or low cost class through a community hospital or outreach program that teaches mindfulness and maybe even some CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy). These two tools have helped me a lot--particularly with un-learning the undermining voices in my head.

I think it is great that you are exploring. Whether you are correctly or erroneously diagnosed I think that the end result remains the same: you have to learn to live with your own brain but you can train that brain a lot more than you may know.<3
 
Thanks herbavore. I actually was in an inpatient program a few months ago and they taught CBT/DBT/etc, and it was ok. But the majority of the time I was agitated because I was around people I didn't relate to at all. I hate being coerced into therapy and it mainly happened because I got kicked out of the house for taking acid. Anyway, whenever something is forced it doesn't work and that was the third program I'd been forced into. Therapists piss me off really because I feel they insult my intelligence.
 
For therapy to be helpful sometimes it takes finding the right therapist.
Which just like meds can be a process and a pain in the ass.
I've had therapists I disliked for whatever reason and some I liked. If you don't like a therapist, try a new one. You don't have to marry them. Obvs in inpatient you're stuck with what you get but when you're the one seeking help you choose what isn't for you.

Diet and a regular sleep schedule help a lot whether it's in addition to medication or not.
If I fuck up my sleeping habits and stay up all night watching Netflix and then sleep all day, it throws me all out of whack and messes with my moods. Finding a schedule for yourself and sticking to it makes your day more stable and makes you feel more stable.
That being said the schedule that works for you doesn't have to be a typical go to bed by 10 and get up at 8 schedule, it just has to be what works and let's you still function in society.
 
washingtonbound said:
Thanks herbavore. I actually was in an inpatient program a few months ago and they taught CBT/DBT/etc, and it was ok. But the majority of the time I was agitated because I was around people I didn't relate to at all. I hate being coerced into therapy and it mainly happened because I got kicked out of the house for taking acid. Anyway, whenever something is forced it doesn't work and that was the third program I'd been forced into. Therapists piss me off really because I feel they insult my intelligence.
Click to expand...

Haha! I can totally relate. I always feel like I should have a whole paragraph that I can copy/paste around my advice to seek therapy. I agree with you--at least in the U.S. therapy is populated by a majority of well-meaning empaths that do not necessarily have the skills to be doing what they are doing. I also agree that being forced usually backfires. The one thing that drives me crazy is feeling smarter than the therapist. I don't mean that in an arrogant way--I just mean that many people look at things much more simply than I do. I tend to see all sides at once so simplistic (or mono-faceted) thinking is a real challenge for me. Still, that is why CBT, DBT and mindfulness appeal to me. They are tools and very practical ones at that. And the responsibility to use them is mine alone. I get to see how they work and then want more and so there is an organic, self-generated motivation to keep at it (because it is fucking tedious to change mental habits!!!=D)
 
What specifically have you taken away from CBT/DBT/mindfulness? I feel that I understand the basic principles that you’re supposed to take away, but nothing seems to really stick for me. Maintaining a sense of detachment from your thoughts and ego and training yourself to live in the moment/see the big picture and practice self compassion is really easier said than done for me. The very frustrating thing about having an illness like mine is that it is not a problem with not having a rationale. I’ve known some people that have no capacity for introspection and are always wondering why they are feeling and awful and things don’t work out for them. In my case, I do not feel that there is some amazing new insight that someone (I.e. a therapist) would give me that would all of a sudden flip a switch in my brain and I wouldn’t have a problem. I just have a horrible feeling all the time that is never rooted in logic that causes me to self harm and feel suicidal for no concrete reason. I have concluded at this point that it is completely a chemical problem and really no different than having ulcers or something. There is a quote I really like from vinnie Paz that says: “I tried mediatation, I tried to sit in silence, but how the fucks that help a neurochemical imbalance?” I wouldn’t wish what I’ve got on anyone, to get no relief whatsoever from your mind.
 
I get what you're saying when you say that there's probably nothing a therapist or anyone will say that will flip a switch in your brain and change how you feel or think. At this point there isn't anything a therapist is going to tell me that I don't already know or haven't heard before. It's more about having someone able to work through your behavior with you.
I suggest tracking your moods either on your own or with a therapist. Then you can look at your mood swings and see if there are patterns you hadn't noticed or certain factors causing certain moods. Even if you can't control a mood swing being able to anticipate it can help.
 
Mmp85 said:
I get what you're saying when you say that there's probably nothing a therapist or anyone will say that will flip a switch in your brain and change how you feel or think. At this point there isn't anything a therapist is going to tell me that I don't already know or haven't heard before. It's more about having someone able to work through your behavior with you.
I suggest tracking your moods either on your own or with a therapist. Then you can look at your mood swings and see if there are patterns you hadn't noticed or certain factors causing certain moods. Even if you can't control a mood swing being able to anticipate it can help.
Click to expand...

This hits the nail on the head perfectly.

As to your specific question for me--I am an innate worrier, born that way and reacting from that place for most of my 63 (almost 64!) and counting. During a major life crisis, someone introduced me to one particular practice of mindfulness where it intersects with CBT that really helped me. It was learning to consciously question my own thoughts. Not in a panic, not in a rush--just feeling the feeling, noticing the thoughts I immediately attach to the feeling that cement it in place and then asking myself what am I getting from holding this feeling? What am I trying to tell myself? Is it a message that even makes sense, will it move me forward, will it damage me or heal me? My norm would have been to feel an excruciating emotion (guilt, shame, despair) and to first let that feeling become a part of the definition of myself and then deepen it until my only choice was to run for distraction or to become completely immobilized by despair. Sure, there was nothing here that a therapist could have told me that I did not already know. But at the time I was seeing a Buddhist therapist and he was able to gently stop me in the middle of a mental practice I thought I was very aware of and get me to see how ingrained this truly was for me. So there was the temptation to say it's chemical or biological but for me it makes more sense that it was simply learned so long ago and so unconsciously that it felt for years like "me". I am happy to say that it has been 6 years that I have been trying to change my deepest and most familiar patterns of thinking and it has opened my life up in a way I would not have expected.
 
Yea I had similar experiences with therapists at the last program I was in. I think it does come down to having someone that’s able to help you work through breaking destructive thought patterns. I just personally have found that a lot of people trained in a western educational setting have not been able to really challenge my predispositions.
 
I don't know how diverse your community is but I would look at therapists or psychiatrists that practice conventional therapy but are from another country themselves. I'm not saying you're going to get lucky because you find a doctor with an Indian last name, but if you think it's the western education or raising that causes a difference of opinion between you and a therapist, you don't have to look for specialized therapy your insurance doesn't cover you can find a doctor who might have a mindset more in line with what you want.
Does that make sense? Like for instance my gynocologist is from Indonesia. She's not practicing Eastern Asian gynocology on me or anything (obviously that's not a real thing, I'm just making it up for the example) she's giving me the same exam any doctor would. But because of her background she has thoughts and ideas on subjects like diet and exercise and meditation that other doctors don't.
 
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