So I've been with this guy for just over 4 years now. We met when I was 16 and I lost my virginity to him. In the beggining I loved him more than anything. We saw each other every day and it took over a year for us to get in our first disagreement, which ended up being a level headed conversation where neither of us raised our voices and ended up coming to a compromise that satisfied both ends. I found myself going out of my way just to make him happy, I always had him on my mind, and held him in such high regards. It was certainly true love, and nothing like your typical, immature teenage relationship.
A little after 2 1/2 years I found myself feeling resentment towards him for the first time. He still wasn't working or going to school and was free loading off his grandfather. Meanwhile I was working full time, saving up as much money as I could in order to move out of my mom's house (who I absolutely hated, I was miserable living there). My view on our relationship turned from purely positive to full of doubt, wondering if I should stay. I kept thinking about how embarrassing it was when friends/coworkers would ask about my bf and I had to tell him he had no job and pretty much wasn't doing anything with his life.
I kept thinking about how my respect for this person, whom I used to think the world of, was slowly fading and turning into dissapointment and resentment. Fast forward to now, 4 years into the relationship and I'd rather be alone than with him. Most times I hate it when he touches me, most of the things that he says are simply irritating, and sex is no longer pleasurable (just something I do every once in a while to appease him) and I'm constantly thinking of breaking up with him.
And yet somehow I just can't bring myself to do this. He's been suffering from severe depression (has talked about suicide several times, and has been baker acted twice before we knew each other for attempted suicide) and has bi polar. I feel so bad for him and feel that if this depression could be lifted that the person that I once loved could somehow be brought back to me. It feels like nothing that I can say will ever make him feel better, he's just to preoccupied with his own self pity. This relationship has been draining and every time I'm around him I feel sad, frustrated, angry etc. I want things to be the way they were in the beginning, but sometimes I wonder if that's even possible.
A little after 2 1/2 years I found myself feeling resentment towards him for the first time. He still wasn't working or going to school and was free loading off his grandfather. Meanwhile I was working full time, saving up as much money as I could in order to move out of my mom's house (who I absolutely hated, I was miserable living there). My view on our relationship turned from purely positive to full of doubt, wondering if I should stay. I kept thinking about how embarrassing it was when friends/coworkers would ask about my bf and I had to tell him he had no job and pretty much wasn't doing anything with his life.
I kept thinking about how my respect for this person, whom I used to think the world of, was slowly fading and turning into dissapointment and resentment. Fast forward to now, 4 years into the relationship and I'd rather be alone than with him. Most times I hate it when he touches me, most of the things that he says are simply irritating, and sex is no longer pleasurable (just something I do every once in a while to appease him) and I'm constantly thinking of breaking up with him.
And yet somehow I just can't bring myself to do this. He's been suffering from severe depression (has talked about suicide several times, and has been baker acted twice before we knew each other for attempted suicide) and has bi polar. I feel so bad for him and feel that if this depression could be lifted that the person that I once loved could somehow be brought back to me. It feels like nothing that I can say will ever make him feel better, he's just to preoccupied with his own self pity. This relationship has been draining and every time I'm around him I feel sad, frustrated, angry etc. I want things to be the way they were in the beginning, but sometimes I wonder if that's even possible.
), and you need to begin living your life. My 20's have been the best and most experience filled years of my life. I spent a lot of them with a girl (we dated for 7 years 18-25), and I wish I had lived for myself. There were so many years filled with love and satisfaction, but also so many years filled with doubt. We were on drugs together, but I got sober and she continued so I stuck around because I felt hopeless for her. I was so scared that I couldn't walk away, but one day that all changed. It took time, but I began living for myself, and I cannot tell you how satisfying it is.
