I realize how annoying I can be when that ridiculously spun but the lack of helpful answers here is sorta surprising. I hopefully only get fucked up once in a blue moon(extreme failure ATM) so I am obviously just better off being a lurker on these threads instead of investing in sage advice from the harm reduction folks. I didn't die from the combo yet lol I have definitely pushed it pretty close today tho so I guess I got some answers after all. In the interest of helping some other equally mentally disorganized and reckless the trouble.... Kratom is possibly even worse in combination with hard stims than typical low dose opiates because of the unpredictability of kratoms specific effects profile and the potential for hypotensive crisis OR speedball like effects(milder than a true speedball obviously dependant on dose and individual) and the novelty of the combo quickly boring and pointless. Unless you just want to waste money and intensify the multidrug addiction with potentially the least fun opiate recreational high available. I think I probably understood that when I asked and I was pretty well already of a mind to risk it... Just wanted the voices to tell me I'm not dumb and reckless and irresponsible and it's ok to keep pushing that limit buddy u r young and healthy. I'm sure none of that remotely true but I lucked out. Wife was horny this morning (she doesn't use and is understandably not that interested in sober sex with a sweaty stimmed out maniac all that often but this morning was one of those magical times... I was too far into everything to expect my dick to cooperate so I prompted it with a smaller than usual dose of Viagra... Finally found the threshold... And leaped across it. My anxious and intense personality on this binge disappeared for however long it took to bust that elusive meth nut... And was replaced upon completion of orgasm with the very sobering feeling that my Poor heart had finally had enough. I'm not entirely convinced I didn't have a heart attack. But I went to work and ranted all day about this and that until I finally had epiphany. I am sick of using. I am kinda comfortable with that for the first time ever. I am using the last of my kratom and few beers laying around, I'm getting my nicotine salt vape dusted off and.clean... I am quitting cigarettes tomorrow, probably the 500th quit attempt but only a handful ever had any shot. I am quitting drinking at least until I'm firmly an ex smoker(I have allowed myswlf a hall pass of two Guinness on St Patrick's day cuz I hate Guinness and couldn't drin k enough to get drunk if my life depended on it) and I am sad to say that for the first time in my life I have developed a mild physical addiction to an opiate(not having a genuine full blown opiate withdrawal under my belt to compare and contrast with... It's definitely pretty mild but undeniably withdrawal none the less) and I have never ever been so convinced that I am gonna be done. I think I got what I needed from you guys for awhile so thanks for ignoring my bitchy blog and feel free to remove my posts from the whole site cuz the only one who benefited from talking to myself on the computer was me and I anticipate any future emotional crises on my part would be better handled like everything else in my life, personally. Feel free to keep the posts around as examples of how to know when ur diva is more in charge than ur Aristotle. Or what it looks like to waste everyone's time with overly produced boring and pointless posts. I'm hella annoyed at the time I put into this shit the urge to keep going on whatever has ur focus becomes the point in and of itself at some point and it's exhausting. Like now. I hate today want it over am kinda disappointed in my attempt at extroversion on here and kinda blown away I'm still typing. I wish all of you the best and it's been lovely getting to know you( all such strong silent types!). Smart motherfuckers real talk I wish I could recognize such blatant wastes of time for what they are before hand but my life is very much a constant reaction and hardly ever anything but chaos and instinct. And passive aggressive insults hurled at the people who owe me nothing and clearly chose wisely when it comes to reading material round here. Give me ur decision making skills before I waste a whole Friday night like this.... Wow I need sleep... And counseling. And probably a pacemaker.
