Serious Just found my brother...dead. OD-ed on purpose.😪

[TUFKA-Sleepwalker]

I went check on my best buddy this morning, since I hadn't heard from him this week.
This is unusual for us and I even checked the hospital first, but he wasn't there.
So I went to his home and the doors were unlocked.
After knocking and calling for my brother with no response, I entered his room.
Television was on but his bed was empty.
Took me a while to figure out where he was, but then I saw him face down on his belly.
Laying in his own vomit and shit and other decomposing mess.
His body was cold and his head black and so swollen, I couldn't even reach his neck to check for a pulse.
His body bloated and seemed to have glued itself to the floor.
He was dead alright and had been for several days...
There were so many opened Fentanyl patch wrappers.
He must have taped them all to his body, though I couldn't see them.

Then I found the letters adressing his love to his parents and family.
And the letters adressed to me.
He knew I'd be the only one in the world checking in on him.
And I did and it wasn't pretty.

He asked me once what would happen if you'd tape a big ammount of Fentanyl patches to your body at once and told him how nasty OD-ing that way would be.
Very nasty...
But little did I know he was planning to kill himself.
He must have taken his weekrecipy of benzos beforehand, seeing how little were left.

He took his life for he was tired of running after his dope, his beer and his meds.
To cope with the neverending drama upon drama in his life.
He found peace in the Lord Jesus Christ but his earthly tent didn't survive the ride...

And I'm glad my brother trusted in me so much, that he let me find him.
Glad it was me and not his family.

He and I became brothers through over 32 years in the world of addictions.
We had countless adventures and survived a hell of a lot together.

Nothing can ever erase the memories.
He will be missed.

Rest in peace Ishmail

 

[MsDiz]

I went check on my best buddy this morning, since I hadn't heard from him this week.
This is unusual for us and I even checked the hospital first, but he wasn't there.
So I went to his home and the doors were unlocked.
After knocking and calling for my brother with no response, I entered his room.
Television was on but his bed was empty.
Took me a while to figure out where he was, but then I saw him face down on his belly.
Laying in his own vomit and shit and other decomposing mess.
His body was cold and his head black and so swollen, I couldn't even reach his neck to check for a pulse.
His body bloated and seemed to have glued itself to the floor.
He was dead alright and had been for several days...
There were so many opened Fentanyl patch wrappers.
He must have taped them all to his body, though I couldn't see them.

Then I found the letters adressing his love to his parents and family.
And the letters adressed to me.
He knew I'd be the only one in the world checking in on him.
And I did and it wasn't pretty.

He asked me once what would happen if you'd tape a big ammount of Fentanyl patches to your body at once and told him how nasty OD-ing that way would be.
Very nasty...
But little did I know he was planning to kill himself.
He must have taken his weekrecipy of benzos beforehand, seeing how little were left.

He took his life for he was tired of running after his dope, his beer and his meds.
To cope with the neverending drama upon drama in his life.
He found peace in the Lord Jesus Christ but his earthly tent didn't survive the ride...

And I'm glad my brother trusted in me so much, that he let me find him.
Glad it was me and not his family.

He and I became brothers through over 32 years in the world of addictions.
We had countless adventures and survived a hell of a lot together.

Nothing can ever erase the memories.
He will be missed.

Rest in peace Ishmail

I am so sorry for your loss and I’m so sorry you had to find your brother that way.

Please reach out for professional support if it’s available to you as this is something you will need help to navigate.

May he rest in peace.

 

[somnilicious]

I'm deeply sorry for your loss. May he now rest with peace. May you also find peace in his passing. With love I send you my regards. He sounded like a good friend. God bless you both.

 

[kiely]

 

[tamarinds]

What a horror. I am sad for him and for you and for all of drug addicts who continue down the dark path. Be good to yourself after witnessing that friend.

 

[sohrah]

My condolences. That has to be a hard experience to process. I'm glad he turned to Christ may he find peace beyond the wretched woes of this traumatizing world seemingly by design of the powers that be anyhow I should stop there.

 

[TUFKA-Sleepwalker]

Thank you all for the love and the condolences.
The funeral was yesterday.
I was asked by the family to do the eulogy at the funeral since they were all at a loss for words.
In preparing for that, focussing on what to say and writing it down helped me to see my brother out of the darkness, where I found him and placed him back into the light, where he belongs.

And looking back I was able express my heart and bring some encouragement and comfort, not only to his loved ones, but also to myself.
We sang a beautiful song and played guitar before laying his body to rest.
Afterwards everyone said it was a beautiful funeral service and I'm sure my brother would have loved it too.

Just after we said our prayers for his family and friends and said our goodbyes
an incredible amount of small leaves fell from the trees surrounding the grave.
They swirled down very calmly and filled up the air above the cemetery completely.
This happened eventhough there was no wind at all that day.
It was miraculously beautiful and it felt like he gave us a wink from above.

 

[FuckinAcidMan]

I'm sorry for your loss, man.

 

[TUFKA-Sleepwalker]

THIS WEEK I HELPED MAMMA to clear out all clothes and Ishs personal thingsStill taking my time to put the pieces in place.
I need more time.
My emotions are all over my body.
I actually got to meet his son, whom he hadn't seen his dad in many years.
Me and my fiancee get along very well with his brothers family, and we had a lovely time with the bbq on and some wine.
We decided on going fishing or camping together,, so many crossed interest

Where one life stops, new relationships blossom up and appear

 

[Senior Moderator]

THIS WEEK I HELPED MAMMA to clear out all clothes and Ishs personal thingsStill taking my time to put the pieces in place.
I need more time.
My emotions are all over my body.
I actually got to meet his son, whom he hadn't seen his dad in many years.
Me and my fiancee get along very well with his brothers family, and we had a lovely time with the bbq on and some wine.
We decided on going fishing or camping together,, so many crossed interest

Where one life stops, new relationships blossom up and appear

In the deep sadness and grief of the loss of a loved one, often new and important relationships will bloom. It's a blessing, and it's a sign that your brother is still here with you all, bringing you all together when you all need to lean on each other for support. Much love and strength to you all during this difficult time

 

[JackARoe]

In the deep sadness and grief of the loss of a loved one, often new and important relationships will bloom. It's a blessing, and it's a sign that your brother is still here with you all, bringing you all together when you all need to lean on each other for support. Much love and strength to you all during this difficult time

True wisdom. Thanks for that. I can honestly tell you when my brother died in a car accident this is exactly what happened. I always say keep your eyes and ears wide open after someone close dies. It was apparent nothing is taken without something given back in a deeper sense and does feel like our loved one is still here on some level.

A parent losing a child is perhaps the greatest grief a human can feel. So I know these little wise sayings don't mean much. But once a person looks back after say 5 years they will see and feel it. Even my mother did, who had her head in dark clouds the first 5 years. But she did get finally admit that this was true.

 

[sonicwhite]

What brings me great joy outta this horrible situation is that He found the Lord. Jesus even washed Judas's feet symbolic of even if you take your life a believer you'll be in My Presence with God's very nature and essence flowing thru you. Forever will he be nourished and lavished.


I'm so sorry still. Yet he was suffering. He was. I get it. I've had several moments but God stopped them all. I'm here if you ever need an ear, walked w the Lord for 18 yrs. It's not a cake walk. It's sleepless nights, anxiety, hungar and nakedness. To be His follower is not having a bumper sticker but completely denying one's self even to the point you're willing to lay your life down for Him.



The Good Lord has already revealed how ill go. I anticipate my departure with gladness and knowing I did my best and finished well.