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Advice Jealous ex-boyfriend

Survival0200

Survival0200

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 27, 2005
Messages
3,499
Hi!

My girlfriend has an ex-boyfriend who is really jealous, and says that she can't have a new boyfriend. :(

The guy sounds unstable and obsessive.

How would you deal with this kind of situation?

Some guys just can't let go of their ex-girlfriends. :(
 
I haven't seen the guy, but from what I've heard he's not happy with she having a new boyfriend.

I just wanted to ask you whether you think's it's the right thing to do for me being with a girl who is someone's ex?

Should we continue or should I break up with her, because of her ex?

I don't know if the guy is violent and I really hope he's not.
 
Survival0200 said:
I just wanted to ask you whether you think's it's the right thing to do for me being with a girl who is someone's ex?
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Everybody has an ex though...so it's kinda unavoidable.
It's not really YOUR responsibility to deal with him to be honest. Firstly, she should tell him to back off. Secondly, he should respect that and back off. And lastly, if he doesn't back off, she should call the cops. It's extremely inappropriate for him to be chasing her when they are not together any more. He needs to move on.
 
Are you with this girl or no? Sometimes when she says “she can’t have a bf” it could also mean she’s not over him yet for one reason or another.

Whatever the case, I’d be wary to head into a relationship with this girl as that comment would have me wondering why she said it. If it really is just about a stalker ex, as been said she needs to put a stop to that immediately.

-GC
 
Survival0200 said:
I haven't seen the guy, but from what I've heard he's not happy with she having a new boyfriend.

I just wanted to ask you whether you think's it's the right thing to do for me being with a girl who is someone's ex?

Should we continue or should I break up with her, because of her ex?

I don't know if the guy is violent and I really hope he's not.
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Dont automatically take the word of your gf as gospel without getting more ino about her recen past.

How long ago did they break up?

Have a chat to both and clear the air, he might just be an asshole or she could be hedging her bets, if she's always got a bf and never single, look out
 
How recent were they in a relationship? I would say if they just broke up with each other I would be very skeptical about them getting back together I would encourage her to get a restraining order. People who are very jealous of their exes partner either are extremely abusive… or they both still have feelings for each other, whichever is the case talk to your girl about it if she opps to keep him in her life (not blocking them on media/real life) I’d take that as a red flag unless they have a child together.
 
Every fucking guy in the world has an ex....it's usually toxic relationships that feature this break up dynamic...As soon as she continues to answer his repeat calls and if she stands and fucking has ridiculous arguments with him? If he somehow knows a thing about you .? Get rid of this gf...she's trouble and he's controlling....grow up people
 
My girlfriend gives her ex money and takes care of his cat. I'm not too comfortable with this. :|
 
Survival0200 said:
My girlfriend gives her ex money and takes care of his cat. I'm not too comfortable with this. :|
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This is a major red flag, not to mention all the other red flags that seem to be mounting. I'm just guessing you're fairly young, maybe early 20's? No disrespect intended if I'm wrong but follow your gut not feeling comfortable with that. It definitely seems that you're just another prop to occupy her time and I'm not being mean, just brutally honest.
Another thing to think about is YOUR future and where this is headed. Not too far in from the sounds of it and already things are eroding.
If she isn't willing to respect your position as her one and only lover, then you are not.
 
She's in her 20s - and I think she was together with the ex for a few years.

The guy has her cat, and he's using it to blackmail her ("Give me money for cat food.").

From my point of view it looks like that she's just too nice to say no.
 
Survival0200 said:
She's in her 20s - and I think she was together with the ex for a few years.

The guy has her cat, and he's using it to blackmail her ("Give me money for cat food.").

From my point of view it looks like that she's just too nice to say no.
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Wait, so you're saying she has his cat and he has her cat? That's weird in and of itself.

Remember the movie Casino where the character played by Sharon Stone always gave money to her abusive ex?

I'd say if they can't swap cats and end it then maybe they deserve each other. You're young. There's no reason you have to put up with this arrangement she has with her ex. I know she may be to nice to say no to him but it sounds like you may be too nice to say no to her. I'll say what the others are saying in this thread, which is to acknowledge the multiple red flags here and trust your gut instinct. There will be other women who have control of their own cats <3
 
^There's only one cat. From what I understand the ex bought the cat for my girlfriend when they were still together. Now the guy is travelling somewhere and wants her to take care of the cat meanwhile. So, the cat is currently living with the guy.

From what I understand she doesn't want to be in touch with the guy, but does it because of the cat.

The other day she said that she would like to get a restraining order.

Maybe she loves the cat so much?

Thanks for the input. I have to think through this issue.

I wouldn't like to end this relationship, because she says she loves me and I love her. :confused: Any other tips than to find another woman?
 
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Survival0200 said:
^There's only one cat. From what I understand the ex bought the cat for my girlfriend when they were still together. Now the guy is travelling somewhere and wants her to take care of the cat meanwhile. So, the cat is currently living with the guy.

From what I understand she doesn't want to be in touch with the guy, but does it because of the cat.

The other day she said that she would like to get a restraining order.

Maybe she loves the cat so much?

Thanks for the input. I have to think through this issue.

I wouldn't like to end this relationship, because she says she loves me and I love her. :confused: Any other tips than to find another woman?
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Sorry, didn't mean to sound so harsh.

Was he abusive or stalking her in any way? I mean I think the restraining order idea is good but I don't know how much evidence is needed to warrant obtaining one. Maybe if she could get a restraining order she could also have a judge sort out who gets custody of the cat. Please keep in mind that I don't know anything about civil law.

If the judge orders him to keep the cat since he already has it, then maybe you could convince her to get a different cat. Believe me, I am fully aware of the emotional attachment we have with our pets. I had a cat for 18 years. A couple years after adopting her, I had to move around and left her with my mom. Of course my mom grew attached to the cat as well but eventually gave the cat back to me once I was in a stable living environment. The first thing my mom did after that was get another cat, which she loved for many years until he died. Now she has three yappy lap dogs.

And if the ex wants her to take the cat but is using it as an excuse to get face time with her again. Maybe she can insist that the only way she will accept the cat is for a third party to pick it up from him, like a relative or friend. I understand if you don't want to engage with the guy, but maybe she knows someone who is willing to do it as a favor.
 
Jerry Atrick said:
Was he abusive or stalking her in any way?
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I think the constant messages and money requests count as being abusive? And the fact that he is telling her that she is not allowed to have a new boyfriend.

Jerry Atrick said:
And if the ex wants her to take the cat but is using it as an excuse to get face time with her again.
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Yes, this is the situation as I undestand it.
 
Id walk up to him , say " I'm with her now , and if you got a problem buddy make a move pussy. "

I hate bullies but only if she was worth an ass kicking . I can't fight like at all. But the objective is not winning the fight , but rather winning her heart. And odds are her ex is a pussy and won't do shit. This making you look way bad ass and cool.
 
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