Diloadid
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Nov 19, 2011
- Messages
- 1,513
Background info w/ketamine : Infrequent IV ketamine use over the past month (or two) in ranging doses, with some prior usage years ago. Began using small doses to aid depression and (possibly a placebo effect) help with opiate dependence.
Additional information : I personally don't find ketamine to be euphoric or recreational in the least. As stated above I mainly started using ketamine as a suggestion by a trusted friend. For a while a weekly dose of IV ketamine in the 50-150mg range really did keep me in a positive mood days after the experience. I began to notice something very quickly about ketamine tho'...
A: Ketamine sucks for my bladder.
B: I can never get any euphoria.
C: I forget that ketamine is a dissociative/psychedelic at the core... (this one I should have thought about more).
Dose : Going to skip over all the details about prep. work. Trust that it was done safely, and in the best interest of my personal well being.
Decided to IV a larger amount of ketamine because It was basically the last of what I had. It weighed out at 213mg to be precise, I just rounded figuratively.
Experience : For me it takes about 10-15 seconds for IV ketamine to work in full effect. I have become somewhat accustomed to the bizarre IV rush that ketamine produces. For me the only real physical aspect of IV ketamine is this numbing sensation it sends throughout my body. As far as that goes the body-high as some would call it is relatively weak.
As this dose of ketamine kicked in I noticed that the numbness I had come to know was a tad more intense. It was as if my body went limp. I felt like this would be a feeling I would feel if I was in the ER and in a tremendous amount of pain due to losing a limb, or something very traumatic. It was not pleasant, more like a sick feeling.
The counterpart of this experience, the mental aspect is where It really grabs hold of me though. I had been sitting in my computer chair, which rotates 360 degrees freely, and it felt like I had floated above my body or my body floated into my brain and I was looking at myself through my brain. That probably doesn't make sense but if I had to give the best possible mental picture imagine 'looking down from the top floor of a high-rise building, while being at mid or base level'. It doesn't make sense. That is the point.
I had no cognitive idea of where and when this experience was taking place. The scariest part of all of this was that I had come to a level of ego-death I had never achieved before; I was asking myself "Why is this happening to me?".
The world was spinning and I was nothing. I don't think I even realized that I was a living-breathing-being. I felt like an idea.
Something to note is that I didn't have any astonishing visuals. It was more like I could not perceive my surroundings. Nothing had a purpose and nothing made sense. It felt like time had paused, I had died, and that was the end of my story.
I'm not sure how long I was actually in this state but as I started coming down and thinking coherently I started thinking about how disappointed my mother would be. I actually wished I could have called her and told her I loved her and that I was sorry for everything that I ever put her through during my battle with painkillers and benzodiazepines. I realized this was a bad idea, because she would probably be more confused as to why I called her baffling about such idealistic apologies when really I was just internally thinking it would be a good way to give some closure to my just-then ketamine experience.
In closing : I can safely say that I will probably (bad word there) never use ketamine (any ROA) ever again. That was the furthest I have ever holed. I think most of the effects I thought ketamine were giving me could probably just be tossed out as a placebo effect. Oh well.
Ketamine just isn't for me.
Lesson learned.
Additional information : I personally don't find ketamine to be euphoric or recreational in the least. As stated above I mainly started using ketamine as a suggestion by a trusted friend. For a while a weekly dose of IV ketamine in the 50-150mg range really did keep me in a positive mood days after the experience. I began to notice something very quickly about ketamine tho'...
A: Ketamine sucks for my bladder.
B: I can never get any euphoria.
C: I forget that ketamine is a dissociative/psychedelic at the core... (this one I should have thought about more).
Dose : Going to skip over all the details about prep. work. Trust that it was done safely, and in the best interest of my personal well being.
Decided to IV a larger amount of ketamine because It was basically the last of what I had. It weighed out at 213mg to be precise, I just rounded figuratively.
Experience : For me it takes about 10-15 seconds for IV ketamine to work in full effect. I have become somewhat accustomed to the bizarre IV rush that ketamine produces. For me the only real physical aspect of IV ketamine is this numbing sensation it sends throughout my body. As far as that goes the body-high as some would call it is relatively weak.
As this dose of ketamine kicked in I noticed that the numbness I had come to know was a tad more intense. It was as if my body went limp. I felt like this would be a feeling I would feel if I was in the ER and in a tremendous amount of pain due to losing a limb, or something very traumatic. It was not pleasant, more like a sick feeling.
The counterpart of this experience, the mental aspect is where It really grabs hold of me though. I had been sitting in my computer chair, which rotates 360 degrees freely, and it felt like I had floated above my body or my body floated into my brain and I was looking at myself through my brain. That probably doesn't make sense but if I had to give the best possible mental picture imagine 'looking down from the top floor of a high-rise building, while being at mid or base level'. It doesn't make sense. That is the point.
I had no cognitive idea of where and when this experience was taking place. The scariest part of all of this was that I had come to a level of ego-death I had never achieved before; I was asking myself "Why is this happening to me?".
The world was spinning and I was nothing. I don't think I even realized that I was a living-breathing-being. I felt like an idea.
Something to note is that I didn't have any astonishing visuals. It was more like I could not perceive my surroundings. Nothing had a purpose and nothing made sense. It felt like time had paused, I had died, and that was the end of my story.
I'm not sure how long I was actually in this state but as I started coming down and thinking coherently I started thinking about how disappointed my mother would be. I actually wished I could have called her and told her I loved her and that I was sorry for everything that I ever put her through during my battle with painkillers and benzodiazepines. I realized this was a bad idea, because she would probably be more confused as to why I called her baffling about such idealistic apologies when really I was just internally thinking it would be a good way to give some closure to my just-then ketamine experience.
In closing : I can safely say that I will probably (bad word there) never use ketamine (any ROA) ever again. That was the furthest I have ever holed. I think most of the effects I thought ketamine were giving me could probably just be tossed out as a placebo effect. Oh well.
Ketamine just isn't for me.
Lesson learned.
