Poetry immaculate drunk

[Snafu in the Void]

I boil and freeze alone at my computer, crouched over, faced away from the door
the audible clacking of mechanical keys is the only sense of time passing
I'm not sure about you, but I truly don't want to look at the door behind me
every God awful moment I've ever suffered is back through there
it stands there at the gate, the ancient structure always remains in it's place
and I'm always alone in my room, without any decency, without any reason, sanity, humanity... etc

For all I know there might be a ready firing squad with Uzis and AKs standing behind me,
waiting for orders, perhaps they are waiting for my orders?
is this poem possibly an attempted diversion?
is this my reprieve, or some infamous last words?
is this delusional schizoid paranoia? am I ill again?
what is about to happen in this moment, this day?
frozen in catatonic despair and fear
my only possible action being repetitive leg spasm

I suppose maybe I've already been killed, blasted through the skull,
trapped like Bruce Willis in some obnoxiously existential horror movie,
time is a flat circle, blah blah, fuck you
yet I still sit here in the same old damp room, the same old moldy chair
the immaculate drunk, I once considered myself
sharing my black sludge of a life through poetry on BL with my lovely oreo cat
his name is Leeroy, my hero, my warrior
he stands guard at the door for me

 

[0.o_LaCuNa_o.0]

Leeroy will protect you, through hell or high waters!