idk if the acid wore off...

[wesleytoothny]

So check this out I'm 17 and started dropping tabs I did it once before and.it was great and then I took a took a supposed triple hit tab of acid... And at first it was awesome colors and shit and then I was listening to.some heavy music which I always do and I started to saw my arms and body tear apart and I started falling into a hole and I immediately jumped up and yelled "DON'T ME FALL INTO IT! FUCK" AND THE WHOLE NIGHT I was asking if everything is okay and my friends kept.saying yes!
And ever since then ive had terrible trouble with life...I've always been really.positive and chill and like good vibes always
And now I literally always feel like I'm.on the acid without the visuals.. I get a feeling like I'm flying away all the time or I get a feeling that my arms are tearing apart and im afraid to look at them so I'm.constantly holding my hands together or sitting on them cause I'm extremely scared and I'm constantly telling myself I'm okay and I've read ALOT of posts on here and like a lot.of them are people.mixing with acid but it was straight up just acid and weed and fruits and ciggs

I was the kind.of teen that faces an extendo like 3 times a day every day on top of blunts and bowl.packs with my friends after school

I'm in a really.successful band...and I have a lot.of friends.. Im always usually happy even when things are bad i mind.my.business and do me.. But at the time I took it my brother was put in prison like 2 days before and we were being evicted from our house in a month from.then we had it all.planned it and its all.working out like we planned and I did the acid to take my mind off shit and just chill with my boys and get trippy .. It was so.great at first great feeling super happy looked like I was seeing things for the first time and so many colors I've never seen before and I always hear acid won't show.you what isn't there just warp.it
But like imagine looking at your arms and seeing them split between your ring finger and middle finger all the way up and like I felt as if I was falling into a hole and it got completly dark and cold and my.body got a scary tingle around it.... And so it wore off after 6 hours.. Weird right? But whatever I took a walk with my friends and I was going so.fast doing everything I can to take my mind off of the scary part... And it finally went away... Then the next two weeks were smoking blunts and.getting high chilling and shit and then one day I'm sitting there coming and I got a tingly feeling and then I WENT BACK INTO THE TRIP!!!!! and they day I said the exact same.thing and did the same thing "DON'T LET ME FALL INTO IT GUYS! FUCK!"
AND they reassured me everything was fine and I'm like yo wtf I'm off the shit why did that happen and ever since then I have the acid high feeling... I can't even smoke a.blunt without getting terrible anxiety I can't be I'm the dark without freaking out... I constantly feel afraid always shaking.. And I can't focus my.mind... Everything feels off... I have no emotion... You know when you're just chilling watching TV you daze off into the show?... Well I can't do that... I'm constantly looking around, moving, and being freaked out... I told my mom she tolde how she used to.drop every week and double her doses and it.never did that and my.manager tells me he's never heard of this.. He drops 21 single hit tabs every 3 weeks and never have this problem and I refuse to go.back on it and see what happens... I just want to sit back and be myself again... I've never thought of suicide more in my life than at the moment everyday I just wish I could go back to normal and I fear one day I'll just hang myself or my brain will collapse or something... I know a I'd dehydrates your brain and that's where my light headed feeling comes from everyday all the time and I can't sleep... If I do its cause I pass out literally I pass out from exhaustion... And when.I do my dreams are so scary.. I have sleep paralysis every time... Not lucid dreams... Not that other thing... I can't move and I go.through the trip every time with nothing but a tinlge feeling
What can I do... Why am I feeling this way... What the fuck do I do... I love my life... I love my.family... I love my friends.. And I don't want to.die guys... But if this doesn't end or if I can subside this I won't make it.. I just won't.
I can't live with this constant bullshit always fucking freaking out I can't even have sex!! My girlfriend Gabe me.head for an hour and nothing no boner only.me freaking the fuckout scared. The whole time
The only time.it get remotely better is when I'm.at work and my mind is busy making food... Other than that I SIT there at practice questioning if I'm actually awake doing all this shit or sitting g somewhere mentally retarded from.this acid or fucking in an insane asylum thinking I'm.doing this and it freaks me.out!!! Am.I.alive or is this fucking fake!?!???? Please I have no.fucking idea I'm so fuckong fed up of this it makes me.so angry to.be like this I dropped out if fucking highschool cause of this! I'm a fucking mess!!! And I really.hope this message .writing is a message and not me fucking mentally fucked imaging this is happening I'm so miserable and.confused...
Someone... Anyone... Please give me some advice, say something to calm my.nerves reassure me things may be okay if they won't be tell me straight up... Just help me please

 

[Neithman]

Sounds like ptsd
i also had a badtrip last year in august and since then,when a negative emotion triggers fear i go in the same mental loop as i did on the trip.Its always like this:a fear comes up,i try to desperately shake it off me but fail to do so really successfully,or even if i do it succesfully,i retrigger the fear to finally abondon it but then the loop starts again till i forget to think about it and everything is okay.This was the same shit as i did on the trip where i failed to shake the fear off.Thats the same like your thought that your arms will fly away or your gonna dissappear,i had the fear of dying during the trip(long story)and afterwards that i go crazy because of the trip and the shit that is told in media about psychedlics.After the trip i would always search for new fears and because i failed to say to me that this fear is irrational they will come back every time.I also had the problem to turn off after the trip and chill while watching tv,even though i wouldnt dream of it,but thats not necessary for ptsd.But when i read your text i see many things i also had and i am diagnosed with ptsd.If u were crazy or have preposition for psychosis,it would have been instant while or instant after the trip and not months years after.But its really necessary for you to stop with weed.i also did made the mistake of just smoking on because i thought im stronger than this shit,but weed would bring those ngeative symptoms back every time,and while withdrawal i was on edge of going crazy because(btw) the bad effects of weed on your mental stabillity and concentration and short time memory actually increase the first week and sometimes even the whole second week of cannabis withdrawal.So dont freak yourself out,make a therapy and try to dissolve the negative mechanisms that hold yourself in the loop of anxiety and tension step by step and dont blame yourself when some parts come back time to time,eventually,over time you wil gain the abillity to chill out and stand above your fears again.Also dont read too much shit in the internet about shizophrenia/psychosis and shit because people often overexaggerate symptoms and many have no real clue and just making things up to sound smart,or you anxious mind reads what i wants to hear and also many side effects of long term weed abuse are consistent with pre shizophrenia symptoms

 

[MrHH]

Welcome to Bluelight, wesleytoothny.

Apparently you are experiencing flashbacks or some kind of Hallucinogen Persisting Perceptual Disorder (HPPD).

It's a common symptom to experience flashbacks after the first expositions to psychedelic drugs, I had the same when I was having my first real, deep psychedelic experience on Amsterdam with psychedelic mushrooms (specifically some grams of Copelandia Cyanescense). I was having some flashbacks days/weeks after the experience, specially when I used cannabis. Probably this might be caused by how similar is the way both drugs affect our serotoninergic system.

If you just experience this effects for some minutes/hours during the day, it's probably a flashback and it will progressively decrease its occurrence with the time.

About the Hallucinogen Persisting Perceptual Disorder (HPPD), it's less common than the flashbacks, it consists on an alteration of the visual field, specially on dark areas. It's like if it's snowing. It usually fades away with the time as well, it helps to stay away from weed and psychedelics for some time until everything goes back to normal.

A third option could be that you could just be feeling a bit anxious after your first deep experience with psychedelics, in such way that you are like 'shocked'. Deep trips require some time to be integrated, this is specially common for the first psychedelic experiences.There are more chances for this to happen if you were not having the right set & setting during the experience (you had some problems with your brother in your mind, that can also affect to how easy is to trip or integrate an experience).

My suggestion is that you stay away from drugs (including weed) until you feel again back to normal. That can take some weeks or even months. If during this time you continue experience the same symptoms instead of noticing that they progressively disappear, you should look for medical advice.

I am going to move this thread to Focus Forums > Psychedelic Drugs, since the post contains more questions than a Trip Report.

I hope you feel better very soon

TR > PD