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I think my best friends girl likes me...

Yeah this situation is no fun, you just have to let them know you want none of it. Even if you do like the attention (which is totally natural and ok) you just have to use your brain and cold shoulder the chick.
 
I have been actively denying her quite a bit, like when she kept staring at me I kept saying 'what?' but I find it hard not to sound harsh and aggressive when I say such things and then feel bad when I do. Oh well, I guess that is a small price to pay to keep a good friend. I do respect him very much and that's why it is hard to decide what to do, if it was anyone else I saw her flirting with I would tell him straight away, but I fear being the object of his jealousy and the degradation of our friendship as a result. I have been cold shouldering her a bit and you're right, it's reverse psychology at its finest - or worst, because she just seems to get more attracted to me :\

The thing is if she does something like lean on me she does it subtly and quickly, me exclaiming my discomfort might draw attention to it and tighten tensions in this twisted triangle. I'm just gonna try and avoid her and if that fails then I'll tell him what's been happening. But if she's doing it to me she might be to other guys as well, and if that's the case I'd feel obliged to tell him she might be trouble. But again what if I'm over-reading this and I screw up their relationship for nothing? Ahhh FUCK. What a complicated equation :X
 
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reading the inner thoughts of people who treat other people like possessions, services, or goods, really creeps me out.

why does any and all contact between a man and woman have to be deemed sexual? or with some ulterior motive?

how the hell do people even enjoy a moment in a relationship when the whole thing is treated like disciplining a dog, disapproving of the behavior of a small child, or attempting to condition someone to behave as pleases you best? since when are relationships all about yourself?

why even ask the question? tell the girl it makes you uncomfortable when she enters your personal space, enough said. if it makes the situation "weird," id say to reevaluate the stability of those whom you call friends. if your friend holds anger inside himself that his girlfriend's attention loses focus from him for a moment, well, lets just say id never vote for that guy as emperor of the world.

KamMoye said:
read a great quote on selfishness the other day:

Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.
- Oscar Wilde

i just described my reality, my perspective. idgaf if you don't agree.

of course, i'm not the one making gross assumptions and personal characterizations based on such a thing. bad karma what?...
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Ive got to agree. My relationship with my best friend dissipated after I brought this exact thing to his attention. Most people in relationships are wholly and fully selfish, but somehow believe they are the opposite. Most people just want the world around them to conform to their comfort zone, and become upset when the actions of others defy their personal wishes. Most people cant tell the difference between "i love you" and "i love the way you make me feel." ME ME ME ME ME is the focus there...

In any event, I witnessed my closest friend fall hard for his first real long term relationship. He is a true selfless person, though through inexperience, is blind to the motives of his partner. She, on the other hand, is a manipulative, lying, self centered, self focused, greedy, and cheating* person. I tried so long to show my friend that she is the perfect example of not being able to tell the difference between "I love you" and "I love everything I get out of this relationship" and he chose to grow apart from me. He wasnt comfortable with my perspective on his otherwise utopian world. Now I, as always, must reevaluate the integrity of my friend, and wonder if he is the man inside i thought he was, or if he is just seeking a false, utopian reality.

*of this, i was witness... unfortunately the only witness...

Few people in this world realize they only know one word: ME
 
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rm-rf said:
Now I, as always, must reevaluate the integrity of my friend, and wonder if he is the man inside i thought he was, or if he is just seeking a false, utopian reality.
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i thought your post was great, but i disagree a bit with this.

i believe your friend is exactly who you think he is. he is on his own path, though. if you wish to change a man's mind, do not tell. people do not learn by being told what to do. show them. they learn through behavior.

so in other words let him make his own mistakes at his own rate. by trying to prevent him from making those mistakes you are also making him less of a man imo.

just my 2 cents
 
I'm getting the vibe the OP is considering it. DON'T DO IT. You said yourself your friend fell hard for this girl. It would be so shitty to give into this.
 
rm-rf said:
reading the inner thoughts of people who treat other people like possessions, services, or goods, really creeps me out.
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Whose inner thoughts are you referring to?

rm-rf said:
why does any and all contact between a man and woman have to be deemed sexual? or with some ulterior motive?
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Of course it doesn't have to, but often it's hard to differentiate between the gestures of genuine attraction and someone who just behaves that way with everyone. And lets be honest, if you're a guy and you're talking to a hot chick (unless you like dicks inside of you) your natural, genetic inclination will be to become aroused. Therefore it makes sense for a partner to err on the side of caution. It is probably a sort of primitive defence mechanism. Although of course in many cases this goes too far and leads to suffocation and most likely separation.

rm-rf said:
why even ask the question? tell the girl it makes you uncomfortable when she enters your personal space, enough said. if it makes the situation "weird," id say to reevaluate the stability of those whom you call friends. if your friend holds anger inside himself that his girlfriend's attention loses focus from him for a moment, well, lets just say id never vote for that guy as emperor of the world.
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I asked cause I've never been in this situation before and it's not an easy decision to make. Just wanted some second opinions. It would only make it weird between me and her, then by extension possibly with my friend.
I think a re-evaluation of my friend's stability would lead me to the same conclusion I came to the first time I did that. That is he is not a stable individual at all, he is manic and hilarious and that's why I love him. He constantly seeks validation in women and gets bored easily. This makes me worry he will fall hard, if this girl - the only one he has ever had a heartfelt attraction for - plays around.
I don't think his look of annoyance was a reflection of the fact she turned her attention away from him, rather that she came over and jumped on me in bed. Kind of understandable really.

rm-rf said:
I tried so long to show my friend that she is the perfect example of not being able to tell the difference between "I love you" and "I love everything I get out of this relationship" and he chose to grow apart from me. He wasnt comfortable with my perspective on his otherwise utopian world. Now I, as always, must reevaluate the integrity of my friend, and wonder if he is the man inside i thought he was, or if he is just seeking a false, utopian reality.
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Perhaps your friend found a real utopia, but when it started to crumble he couldn't bear to see it so and held onto the pieces in the delusion that it was still beautiful. I think this is not so much a testament to his lack of integrity but to his desire to be loved. You just can't beat love with logic.

Lysis said:
I'm getting the vibe the OP is considering it. DON'T DO IT. You said yourself your friend fell hard for this girl. It would be so shitty to give into this.
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Considering what? If you mean giving in to her advances theres no way in hell that will happen! I wrote that last post a little high so I probably didn't translate my thoughts too well. What makes you say that?
 
avoid her
and stay out of their relationship

if he loves her (or thinks he does), he wont believe you and the only thing you will succeed in is putting strain on your friendship.

if you continue to see her, its possible that any interaction including turning her down etc could make things worse - either making her chase harder, or your friend thinking you are being mean to the girl he loves.

if you avoid her, then its likely that what is causing her to act this way will expose itself some other way and leave you and your friends relationship intact. just be there to pick up the pieces.
 
Bros before hoes is the cardinal rule for guy friendships.

Sorry, but the logic that "if he was my friend, he should be happy for me / forgive me " is BULL. If you were such a good friend, why are you trying to bone his girl?

Fact of the matter is, you have absolutely no right to do anything with this girl. He only brought her around you because you two are friends. Your link to her is through him. Period.

Ignore her, like Priest said. Don't call attention to it, it'll seem like you're causing drama. Take yourself out of the situation. Don't warn your buddy either, let him make his own mistakes.

I get the feeling you are letting her do these things to you, because you enjoy her company. Grow a pair and stop hanging out with her.
 
Agreed, do not give her mixed signals (though truly unintentionally), like allowing this behavior, including allowing her to put her head on you and rubbing your foot. Is it during drug times for all, or is this a way she acts generally? Either way, I would say discreetly to confirm your friendship with her boyfriend and that you are not ok with it, it makes you uncomfortable. If you have to, figure out a thing to say to her in advance if that makes you more comfortable then go for it. After you tell her, if there are more continued issues, talk to your best friend about it. Because if you don't, your friendship might be at risk no matter what since obviously he is not ok with her behavior.

PS. This whole conversation of bros before ho's is irrelevant. He is not asking if he should hook up with her, he obviously does not want to because he is asking how to tell her to knock it off in a way that they can go back to the way things were.
 
this happened to me and i fucked my buddies girlfriend and everyone but him knows... and i feel so horible about it and i regret it every time i see him. just dont do and dont put yourself in situations where it could happen
 
Draigan said:
lol hi hyroller :) Great advice as usual!! I agree!! So fukin funny.

Id laugh if you cold shoulder this girl and then she likes u even more. Typical.
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Absolutely. People always want what they cant have. Individuals who behave in this manner anyway :|

and heya Draigan, good to see ya back 'rounds the traps, hope you're keeping well mah man :) and chasing plenty of hot skirt, he he
 
Respect your friendship - next time she does anything like this, look at her reactions to him, whether he reacts or not.

If she seems to be doing it to mess with him, tell her to stop being a stupid bitch, and/or that you're going to talk to your mate about her behaviour, as if she's doing it to you, who else is she doing it to?>
 
Consider yourself fuckin lucky bro.
I?ve got a friendship situation like this, only it?s worse because I?M the one with a serious crush on his girl. It?s fuckin killing me. My substance abuse has picked up 300% or more, and I?m writing this on many pain meds, sleeping pills, many many sleeping pills just to wake up, uppers, nerve pills, alcohol..you name it. So my tolerance is fucked but that?s it haha! Just to deal with the pain..& I?m used to physical pain somewhat but this hurts bad, man!
I just can?t help it...I think they?re gonna be wed soon and they want me to be there, and of course I play cool, but there?s no damn way.
I find myself hoping they break up and it?s sucks because I honestly love the both of them...him as a friend & her as etc...and want them to be happy forreal.
I?m slowly coming to terms..after all if I really love her I?d just want her to be happy, & I do.
I thought about telling her but I?d end up being the one who gets hurt as always...and as one said it wouldn?t be fair to her.

I digress, I know this thread is old but toilet time is up now so may posy again tomoorrow.
Didn?t expect this from blue light of all places. Haha!
 
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