deadendgame
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jul 23, 2014
- Messages
- 356
As you know, I am an individual who has suffered mental health and substance abuse problems in the past. I have tried to seek help many times, but no one really helped me. I have chronicled most of my struggles on here and those who go through my posts know my situation and the struggles that I go through everyday. Looking back, I have no regrets, because I have tried my best in every situation. It's just my life sucks ass and people are assholes. That's really what it is. Long story short, I went to a scam school and picked a scam major and am now owing student loans up the wazoo that I can't afford to go back to school working a minimum wage job at McDonalds living in my parents' basement. In a few months, I won't even be able to do that and may have to go down to social services and ask for housing and food stamps. In retrospect, it sort of is my fault I guess cuz I did not do enough research on my school or trade. Did not find out it was a scam until it was too late. Meanwhile my classmates who picked legit majors like finance or accounting are doing just fine and making hundred grand. And yes, people have been bothering me about my "life decisions" this whole time, especially my parents complaining about why I didn't amount to anything in life. Because I wasted my life on a scam major and scam school. Simple as that. The thing is my life was already sucking so much ass before I took drugs so I figured I might as well.
So yall know that I enjoy my stimulants. It started with a starbucks double shot. Been drinking that all day everyday for 4 years and it's really how I got past college. So after that I discovered other things like adderall. And I will say the best experience I had in my life was watching porn and jacking off on adderall. It really does not get better than that. But then people found out so of course I had to stop. And life definitely got downhill from there. So yeah I quit the adderall and actually I quit the coffee too cuz a cup of starbucks costs alot actually and so I replaced them with caffeine pills. Through my experience, I learned the true power of stimulants. They really work. They let you achieve anything you set your mind to. The downside is you get weaker each time you use it and so nowadays, I try to use it sparingly, like when I have to study or do something important. So my life has gotten a little worse, meaning my finance and quality of life has gone down. The only thing that has gone up is I am getting better at dealing with everyday life situations. I now have sleep apnea so for every 10 hours that I sleep, I can only recover 6 of it back. I have high pulse and high blood pressure yeah and my past stimulant use has been tearing up my chest wall. But it's okay cuz my life really sucks ass and I don't mind. The only problem is that other people do mind and they do have a problem with me dying cuz it hurts their reputation. But reading this, do you not see what the fuck is going on? I accept the reality that everyone has to die sometime however depressing it may be, that's life
So yall know that I enjoy my stimulants. It started with a starbucks double shot. Been drinking that all day everyday for 4 years and it's really how I got past college. So after that I discovered other things like adderall. And I will say the best experience I had in my life was watching porn and jacking off on adderall. It really does not get better than that. But then people found out so of course I had to stop. And life definitely got downhill from there. So yeah I quit the adderall and actually I quit the coffee too cuz a cup of starbucks costs alot actually and so I replaced them with caffeine pills. Through my experience, I learned the true power of stimulants. They really work. They let you achieve anything you set your mind to. The downside is you get weaker each time you use it and so nowadays, I try to use it sparingly, like when I have to study or do something important. So my life has gotten a little worse, meaning my finance and quality of life has gone down. The only thing that has gone up is I am getting better at dealing with everyday life situations. I now have sleep apnea so for every 10 hours that I sleep, I can only recover 6 of it back. I have high pulse and high blood pressure yeah and my past stimulant use has been tearing up my chest wall. But it's okay cuz my life really sucks ass and I don't mind. The only problem is that other people do mind and they do have a problem with me dying cuz it hurts their reputation. But reading this, do you not see what the fuck is going on? I accept the reality that everyone has to die sometime however depressing it may be, that's life