Ashley
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Jun 17, 2005
- Messages
- 1,000
I Remember
The reflection from this still pond, as I
recollect, makes the memories so vivid, and
rich with color, cheerily bright, yet
ugly and dark. We fit together like two pieces
of a puzzle, and both of us were all too aware
of just how special, and uncommon, what it
was that we had discovered.
I remember, the night when you asked me
to administer a sterile water solution
saturated with a fatal dose of diamorphine,
into your pale and supple arm. You said that
you had never before been happy, not until
we had found each other, only months ago, and
after being tortured so violently by life,
from the moment that you were conceived, now,
all that you wanted was to freeze frame
what we had, skip town and leave, before it
became tainted, before we drifted away from
one and other and the truly honest love that
we felt for each other, was no longer alive.
I remember, sliding the needle into one of
your delicate little veins, a blueish line
deep beneath the surface of your lavender
scented porcelain skin. You looked to me,
with tears slowly leaking from the corners of
your emerald green eyes, and you smiled.
The biggest and brightest smile that I had ever
seen, and with that smile I could see that through
all of the years before we had met and fallen
into the other's arms, you had been saving that
very pure and special smile, just for me.
I remember, how you begged for me to push down
on that plastic plunger, after you had seen
that I had registered, and you pleaded with me
to release the fatal dose of diamorphine like
a flood into your blood stream, so that you would
never wake again, embracing this foreign feeling
of ecstasy and taking it with you. That is all that
you wanted, to simply capture the flawless and
simply magical reality that we had found ourselves
immersed in, like a photograph of peace and happiness,
for you to carry with you, on the way to the underworld.
I remember, that I understood the wicked and crazy
reasoning behind what you were hoping to achieve, and
I wanted you to retain your new found happiness for
all eternity. So, I emptied the contents of the barrel
into your venous network and I let the diamorphine
go to work. You began to softly cry and you spoke quiet
words to my eyes, with bitterly honest sincerity.
"I love you more than words, you were the one that
brought me happiness, for the first time in my life. My prince."
You mouthed the words 'thank you', and then began
to apologize, you reassured me that what I was doing,
as per your request, was what you overwhelmingly
desired, and you told me that I was the greatest
arrival that you had ever had in your life, I was
simply giving you the most wonderful gift that
one that loved you sincerely could ever give.
I remember, that I could see logic in your
crazily sane and sensibly drafted plan, I could
see how thick it was with romance. You wanted
to capture that moment in time, with us laying
side by side, the fingers on both of our hands
perfectly intertwined, as your lips slid away
from mine, a kiss full of love was ended. Your
eyelids fell down like curtains, and you
had no intention of coming back for an encore,
but upon that beautiful face, such a complete
and peaceful smile you wore. As I cradled your
head upon my arm, and ran my fingers through
your soft, long, midnight black hair that always
smelt sweet like the morning summer air, I
recited in a choked up loving whisper, lines
from letters that I had written that you
would never get to read.
"I love you too, baby girl, I never dreamed
that you existed in this god forsaken world,
I never did expect to find you."
I remember, your kissable, full lips began
to shift from pink to stone cold blue, and the
passion of the moment became startling abrupt,
real and true, I had only just been able to
understand, that I could not live alone again,
not like I had before, and not without you.
I remember, I climbed over your naked body that
lay peacefully still, gracefully entangled in the
purple cotton bed sheets, and I reached for the medicine
bottle that was close to empty, but still it rattled
the sound of tranquilizers as I shook it, and my other
hand picked up the little paper packet, that inside
contained now a smaller piece of what had once been
a big rock of heroin. After suicidal calculations
of fatal dosages started to rumble through my emotional
and cloudy head, I wagered that if I swallowed all of
the pills and injected the diamorphine that was left,
then I might have a chance to catch up with you, on
your way to the other side, and I too would remain right
here, laying beside your lifeless body atop our bed,
we would be together forever, and come morning, dead.
I remember, that is exactly what I did, and after I had
ingested that final toxic cocktail, but before the infinite
black blanket consumed my vision and I fell effortlessly
into a comfortable narcotic overdose, I just stared at you.
I remember, you so beautiful in flesh, so pure in spirit, a
rare, priceless diamond that now nobody would ever discover,
and no more harm, no more pain, would come upon you again.
As I passed into unconsciousness, you were the very last
thought that danced in my mind, and the most perfectly
painted portrait that I ever got to see,
with these brown eyes of mine.
The reflection from this still pond, as I
recollect, makes the memories so vivid, and
rich with color, cheerily bright, yet
ugly and dark. We fit together like two pieces
of a puzzle, and both of us were all too aware
of just how special, and uncommon, what it
was that we had discovered.
I remember, the night when you asked me
to administer a sterile water solution
saturated with a fatal dose of diamorphine,
into your pale and supple arm. You said that
you had never before been happy, not until
we had found each other, only months ago, and
after being tortured so violently by life,
from the moment that you were conceived, now,
all that you wanted was to freeze frame
what we had, skip town and leave, before it
became tainted, before we drifted away from
one and other and the truly honest love that
we felt for each other, was no longer alive.
I remember, sliding the needle into one of
your delicate little veins, a blueish line
deep beneath the surface of your lavender
scented porcelain skin. You looked to me,
with tears slowly leaking from the corners of
your emerald green eyes, and you smiled.
The biggest and brightest smile that I had ever
seen, and with that smile I could see that through
all of the years before we had met and fallen
into the other's arms, you had been saving that
very pure and special smile, just for me.
I remember, how you begged for me to push down
on that plastic plunger, after you had seen
that I had registered, and you pleaded with me
to release the fatal dose of diamorphine like
a flood into your blood stream, so that you would
never wake again, embracing this foreign feeling
of ecstasy and taking it with you. That is all that
you wanted, to simply capture the flawless and
simply magical reality that we had found ourselves
immersed in, like a photograph of peace and happiness,
for you to carry with you, on the way to the underworld.
I remember, that I understood the wicked and crazy
reasoning behind what you were hoping to achieve, and
I wanted you to retain your new found happiness for
all eternity. So, I emptied the contents of the barrel
into your venous network and I let the diamorphine
go to work. You began to softly cry and you spoke quiet
words to my eyes, with bitterly honest sincerity.
"I love you more than words, you were the one that
brought me happiness, for the first time in my life. My prince."
You mouthed the words 'thank you', and then began
to apologize, you reassured me that what I was doing,
as per your request, was what you overwhelmingly
desired, and you told me that I was the greatest
arrival that you had ever had in your life, I was
simply giving you the most wonderful gift that
one that loved you sincerely could ever give.
I remember, that I could see logic in your
crazily sane and sensibly drafted plan, I could
see how thick it was with romance. You wanted
to capture that moment in time, with us laying
side by side, the fingers on both of our hands
perfectly intertwined, as your lips slid away
from mine, a kiss full of love was ended. Your
eyelids fell down like curtains, and you
had no intention of coming back for an encore,
but upon that beautiful face, such a complete
and peaceful smile you wore. As I cradled your
head upon my arm, and ran my fingers through
your soft, long, midnight black hair that always
smelt sweet like the morning summer air, I
recited in a choked up loving whisper, lines
from letters that I had written that you
would never get to read.
"I love you too, baby girl, I never dreamed
that you existed in this god forsaken world,
I never did expect to find you."
I remember, your kissable, full lips began
to shift from pink to stone cold blue, and the
passion of the moment became startling abrupt,
real and true, I had only just been able to
understand, that I could not live alone again,
not like I had before, and not without you.
I remember, I climbed over your naked body that
lay peacefully still, gracefully entangled in the
purple cotton bed sheets, and I reached for the medicine
bottle that was close to empty, but still it rattled
the sound of tranquilizers as I shook it, and my other
hand picked up the little paper packet, that inside
contained now a smaller piece of what had once been
a big rock of heroin. After suicidal calculations
of fatal dosages started to rumble through my emotional
and cloudy head, I wagered that if I swallowed all of
the pills and injected the diamorphine that was left,
then I might have a chance to catch up with you, on
your way to the other side, and I too would remain right
here, laying beside your lifeless body atop our bed,
we would be together forever, and come morning, dead.
I remember, that is exactly what I did, and after I had
ingested that final toxic cocktail, but before the infinite
black blanket consumed my vision and I fell effortlessly
into a comfortable narcotic overdose, I just stared at you.
I remember, you so beautiful in flesh, so pure in spirit, a
rare, priceless diamond that now nobody would ever discover,
and no more harm, no more pain, would come upon you again.
As I passed into unconsciousness, you were the very last
thought that danced in my mind, and the most perfectly
painted portrait that I ever got to see,
with these brown eyes of mine.
