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Relapse I relapsed 2 days ago after being opiate free for 15 days.

FunctionalJnkieGrl said:
The kratom was just too expensive and ordering it online just seems like it would be a pain in the ass to keep up with. I switched back to rationing low mg oxy because its surprisingly cheaper that way and I have other financial burdens that need to be dealt with ASAP. Seeing that I only need 2.5mg a night to avoid withdrawals, I'll attempt to quit again at the end of summer (but without the help of kratom if I can avoid it). On top of everything else, I might need to get a couple of fillings. I went my whole life without having dental issues aside from getting braces and my wisdom teeth pulled (which led to my addiction to pain meds 15yrs ago), and now that I tried to recover and my mental state was vulnerable, the timing couldn't have been worse. Funny, an ex-coworker was telling me she has to get most of her teeth pulled (despite the fact that they looked okay). She told me that she never had issues with her teeth until she quit meth. I guess drugs can preserve some health issues or make them go dormant until drug use is stopped. It just sucks that I gotta back to work to pay for dental work. The fact that we're moving in a month to top things off makes my situation more stressful as well. I suppose it was almost inevitable that I would relapse around this time. Funny how things work out. Oh well. Better luck next time. Maybe my life won't be so disorganized by the end of summer.
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I realised a long time a ago that complete abstinence was a mountain you constantly had to climb. It was too much. So I relapsed and felt it was inevitable. But if you accept that relapse is inevitable the aim for abstinence becomes easier. You can always just say 'not today, tommorow' and if you still feel the need to take something do it. Just get back on the horse. Ive taken the least drugs I've ever taken thinking like this. Don't beat your self up about it just remember you can do it but does it really have to be right now. Chances are by tommorow you'll feel differently. The point is don't make it black and white, all or nothing make it realistically manageable. This is just my veiw.
 
At least you know you can do it AND somehow managed to keep it low dose , it blows but your light-years ahead of others in the same boat. I once made 300 hydros and 150 Xanax last a full year. I knew I had a dependentcy but I just didn't have time for the withdrawal.

The ability to ration your meds, especially something like oxy should show you that you are well on your way to digging out of this place. You know what you need to do. You know it will be hell and you know you will succeed 😉. Just get there .
 
crazyhairman said:
At least you know you can do it AND somehow managed to keep it low dose , it blows but your light-years ahead of others in the same boat. I once made 300 hydros and 150 Xanax last a full year. I knew I had a dependentcy but I just didn't have time for the withdrawal.

The ability to ration your meds, especially something like oxy should show you that you are well on your way to digging out of this place. You know what you need to do. You know it will be hell and you know you will succeed 😉. Just get there .
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I'll tell you about my experience with xanax. I'd never ever touched a benzo in my life. I was an alcoholic. A bad one. I took a sip of Lager ever 10 seconds! 40 cans a day I was drinking. I was in a state. Untill I was a asked by a friend if I could get some benzos I told him about the dnms and how you could get anything. He was happy paying a pound a pill and gave us 15quid this was when alprazolam powder was a 10er for 100 0.5mg doses so long story short we had an abundance of xanax (volumetrically doses in pg solution) and I tried it for the first time. Just 0.5mg and my friend noticed an amazing thing. I hadn't had a drink for four hours! And I didn't feel like one either. We had about 75 doses and worked out a drop down from 2mg a day to 0.5mg in a few weeks and not a drop of beer was drunk. I still had the urge to have something in my hand moving to my mouth though so I used chocolate milk and hey presto. I went from dying of alcohism to sober in three to four weeks. This is when I learned drugs ALL drugs could be tools if your using them right. I now take a low dose of benzo about 4times a year and never drink more than a couple of cans at a time now. Legal drugs nearly killed me and an illicit one's saved my life. Drug policies are fucked. I had help from a good friend to keep me honest but using and not abusing drugs can yield positive results. Just be honest with your self. But as far as being ahead of anyone I don't feel that way I feel like I'm going to be stuck on methadone to the bitter end. I can't see a way out of that one.
 
I'm really surprise you find oxy even if its little doses less expensive than Kratom. But anyways, don't punish yourself, those 15 days haven't been worthless.

Your best bet now probably its get your dental work fixed, and then quit again the opiates. Good luck!
 
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