I Must Stop Doing This ... (meditation on smoking cigs)

[MrsGamp]

"I get by with a little help from my friends", as the song goes. And I definitely regard my drugs of choice as my only really reliable "friends" ... albeit very histrionic and emotional "friends", who don't really give a shit about me, but at the same time are a hell of a lot of fun sometimes, so I always forgive them.

My only quiet and well-behaved friend is tobacco. My cigarette habit is a very "private person" - and since it's become increasingly socially unacceptable to be a smoker, "Ciggie" has become even quieter, even less contentious, even more "shy". He rarely goes out. And even at home, he'll hide outside if other people are around ...

However, more so than my more demanding "friends", "Cig" is a lethal psychopath. Like Jeffrey Dahmer, he's so unassuming ... so very retiring ... yet he will get what he wants, which, of course, is to" retire" me permanently.

Even as I write I am smoking, and pondering for the umpteenth time: is this the cigarette that will get the ball rolling with cancer? Is this particular inhalation going to trigger some miniscule mutation in a wee little cell ... so that in ten years time, or less, I'll gonna be bald and puking my guts out from chemotherapy and probably wishing myself dead, until I actually am dead?

And will that finally make my special friend tobacco happy? Will he be satisfied THEN?

I doubt it. He's a real piece of shit.

 

[tired of crap]

I started smoking again after >5 yrs smoke free.
idk wtf I was thinking.... I can understand drug drugs but smoking is just so silly - a tiny buzz (if at all) with dire consequences.

Often I can go all day or even get a number of days in smoke free. But then somehow Im right back to it.

Ive been looking into n-acetyl cysteine in the role of smoking cessation and it seems promising, though "[it] but may not reduce nicotine consumption once smoking has begun. Importantly, the daily number of cigarettes smoked co-varied with daily alcohol use" (so I really need to kick booze too ffs lol). Apparently it helps to attenuate depression associated with withdrawal and doesnt lead to weight increases (lol) ... Perhaps of importance, the first study indicates its in conjunction with therapy (so perhaps a trip is in order too lol)

Smoking is far more difficult to quit than I wanted to admit when I started again (why? Im not sure and its embarassing)...
Good luck on your journey
keep us posted

 

[MrsGamp]

re "Importantly, the daily number of cigarettes smoked co-varied with daily alcohol use" (so I really need to kick booze too ffs lol)."

After a hard day ... there's nothing like that first drink combined with a cigarette. Utter bliss. Rapidly goes downhill, the more you drink and smoke ... but if you are well tired and finally home after a stressful day ... the cig plus your first drink is so blissful.

I even take care to time it all carefully. Ie, pour my drink or open my beer ... light cigarette but don't drag til I've had a pull on the booze.

Unfortunate, isn't it - how satisying it is!

 

[MsDiz]

I stopped smoking about 4 months ago after smoking for like 3 years. Just one day I craved a cigarette after having gone all my 30 odd years never having touched them. I was dreaming about smoking, absolutely obsessed with the thought and I tried one and it was gross but I kept trying and hey ho. It had me. Then I watched someone have a stroke in the city one day, she’d just finished smoking, I had been watching her at the bus stop and I watched as her face all dropped to one side. I ran over along with others as she had also stumbled. She was garbling and the look of fear in her eyes. She couldn’t move her entire right side, she couldn’t speak. Obviously an ambulance was called and they got there pretty quickly. I’m sure she got the clot buster quickly but what damage had already been done. So I just stopped smoking and I haven’t smoked since. No cravings no nothing. I forget I ever smoked at all sometimes. The odd time I get a bit of a craving but it soon goes. Fuck having a stroke.

 

[MrsGamp]

Ps have taken note of your ng -acetyl suggestion. But my prob right now is I don't really wanna quit ...

I started smoking when I was 14. I quit cold turkey when I was pregnant/.breastfeeding (and I breastfed or 19 months ... so that's a bit over two years I had without smoking ... but it's easy to quit when you're PG. Or it was for me. Mosr of the time I was nauseated and the last rthing I wanted was a cig ...)

Have also had time off here and there, using gum to control cravings. But of course I end up addicted to the gum.

So pregnancy aside, I have not been nicotine-free for about thirty years.

 

[TheInvisibleStoner]

^^^

Thats the thing. Us that started anything before our frontal cortex developed are going to have a much harder time. Patches, gum, etc doesn't work. You have to learn how to live without a cigarette and face the withdrawal. It goes away in a few days anyway. The hardest part is the cravings after since you see smoking all over and when you smell a cigarette (from a mile away you will) it will either smell nasty or smell good. Our brain is fucked.

 

[Deru]

Nicotine was one of the hardest addictions I've had to give up. I smoked a pack a day for 10 years, and at day 45 I was still teaching into my pocket for a cigarette after eating. The behavior was just so engrained in me, it was extremely difficult. Last cigarette was 04/01/2017 and that is one thing I'll never do again. I was stuck in a car with someone smoking a week ago and wanted to die, it smelled awful and burned my lungs. Plus they're so expensive, nothing worse than coming up with the first 20 dollars of the day for heroin and still being fucked because I couldn't afford the extra 10 dollars for a pack of cigarettes. I still can't even believe that was my life at one point, it seems like memories I have from another human being.

 

[ageingpartyfiend]

. I still can't even believe that was my life at one point, it seems like memories I have from another human being.

exact same

smoked heavily for over 20 years, gave up (3rd time lucky) around 15 years ago...one of the best moves ever but fuukkk it's hard work

shitting terrible, evil fucking drug, ugh

all the best to anyone quitting -

edit - still get the occasional (and strong) nicotine craving even now

 

[MrsGamp]

omg I feel depressed ... people have mentioned how long they smoked ... but I must take the cake there! Started when I was 14, recently turned 47, so it has been 33 YEARS. Or maybe "only" 31, if you subtract pregnancy/breastfeeding phase of life. I did manage to quit
for that ... it's much easier to quit for a wee vulnerable baby than for
yourself...

 

[LGV9000]

omg I feel depressed ... people have mentioned how long they smoked ... but I must take the cake there! Started when I was 14, recently turned 47, so it has been 33 YEARS. Or maybe "only" 31, if you subtract pregnancy/breastfeeding phase of life. I did manage to quit
for that ... it's much easier to quit for a wee vulnerable baby than for
yourself...

What kind do you smoke? Heard of Nat's? They're kind of like American Spirits but better.

 

[MrsGamp]

ps did quit for 6 weeks last year while in hospital having knee surgery and rehab - a nurse said "I can't believe you've smoked so long, you've got excellent lung capacity and blood pressure" ... not being smug but making point that I should obviously "quit while I'm ahead"'!

In the past I have managed to cut down a lot using gum, although then you're just addicted to gum. The
patches make me nauseated. I am not a very heavy smoker right now - at most ten a day, usually less. Used to smoke 15-20 a day but I can't afford it anymore...

 

[LGV9000]

ps did quit for 6 weeks last year while in hospital having knee surgery and rehab - a nurse said "I can't believe you've smoked so long, you've got excellent lung capacity and blood pressure" ... not being smug but making point that I should obviously "quit while I'm ahead"'!

In the past I have managed to cut down a lot using gum, although then you're just addicted to gum. The
patches make me nauseated. I am not a very heavy smoker right now - at most ten a day, usually less. Used to smoke 15-20 a day but I can't afford it anymore...

Haha. Yep. Being broke is sometimes a blessing in disguise.

My mom died from lung cancer. She smoked for 34 years. And now here I am...

 

[MrsGamp]

What kind do you smoke? Heard of Nat's? They're kind of like American Spirits but better.

no never heard of Nat's but I am in Oz so maybe you can't get them here? Are they fake cigs, like
clove cigarettes? I have tried those but they make me feel queasy and smell even worse than tobacco, IMO.

 

[LGV9000]

no never heard of Nat's but I am in Oz so maybe you can't get them here? Are they fake cigs, like
clove cigarettes? I have tried those but they make me feel queasy and smell even worse than tobacco, IMO.

Nah. Never tried clove cigs.

 

[Deru]

edit - still get the occasional (and strong) nicotine craving even now

That's the one thing I never get. To be honest, they repulse me at this point. I think I just associate the withdrawals with sepsis and endocarditis and all of that, and I would honestly rather just die than ever go through any of it again. Plus, there is absolutely nothing better than being able to do whatever I want and not have to worry about sneaking outside. As OP mentioned, it's not as acceptable as it once was, and I was to the point where I had to worry about how long of an airplane ride it was, if I could sneak out of my movie to smoke, standing outside in 5 degree weather, smelling terrible, feeling terrible...the list goes on and on lol. It is honestly completely worth stopping cigarettes for so many incredibly good reasons, plus without cigarettes all of my other addictions became insanely more easily manageable and/or stop completely.