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I might have created and might be able to create new religion(lsd + mdma + weed)

ddkshah

Greenlighter
Joined
Nov 2, 2014
Messages
4
(lsd + mdma + weed) New life body soul and societal lessons i've learned.

Ok so 2 days ago I took molly and acid and then smoked some bud an hour after I took molly and acid. I was with my engaged gay friends who let me cuddle with them. So I was happy and was having 360 thinking and they were giving me the nicest vibes so here is what my brain was thinking when I was alone and was able to write down my thoughts if you take out all of my judgments and personal statements (I have paranoia that I might be a sociopath but am uncertain) I am a 19 year old gay Indian (India) kid who was raised with both Indian and American values who was bullied and hated by all throughout life and I was a loner for most of the time my friends used me or didn't care much about me at all. I hope this can help:

For me Acid and molly Mix made me realize that without free thinking or the ability to without drugs like these we can't realize ourselves or who we want to be. We have to be balanced people meaning for people to be more fit by eating lots of protein pick a routine that you stick to. work with that schedule remember fun has to be an option that's why working hard is bullshit because we can fit in a perfect schedule if we stick hard by it that's what hard work means not worrying your self studying,,, worry worry worry thats all I do but life shouldn't be like that.

Some people might have the natural ability to think like that but let me do this to think for myself. We are in corporate shill slave America thats taking away happiness and life from people like us that are in tune with our unmodified naturalist instincts who first need to build ourselves our bodies to become healthy and fit so then we can find satisfaction in sex (fetish) if you are a psychopath or sociopath killing is your thing atm because there needs to be some medicine for you to understand like I am atm something to initiate that missing link to the... and for people like me just some molly and acid and a notebook so we can help improve our lives. Good music good vibes so anything similar to what your body and muscles feel the best vibration too move yourself to is for me its hippie and edm stuff. And remember to not forget learning, you must learn in order to improve society something we can't do if you are not happy with yourself and what you want. To enjoy sex try to see what works best for you. Which is a fetish something that hardens your penis up the most violence is OK too,like belly punching due to a navel fetish (me) is fine since it provides more pleasure to people with innie belly buttons since my belly button tingles with my penis and belly punching give me even more goodies in my head to increase pleasure. More sex also the healthier you are and can be motivated to learn going back to balancing out life. Remember equal equal should be necessary but not all the times, especially when it comes to bodily deficiencies that can't be helped, but still necessary something your brain is good at processing on drugs like these. You will need to know more about your inner muscles and nerves and how sex effects your Brain and how some neurons work. Music your body can move to so sex is wonderful, because remember that its our bodies naturalistic and needed thing, if people just worked out more so they have a nice muscular body to be in tune with your favorite things to do like music another one of your natural instincts help moving the vibrations in your eardrums so you can just move your body to the music, try listening to music genres that you think you can move your body too, that they are proud of, which is better than what you want and kept up with good looks So we can become a more evolved society if it were in balance and not fucked over by sociopaths. Look at the fittest nations. we need to use science in mix with nature otherwise we'd all lose compassion and hope.

Good vibes means great colors rainbows just tons and tons of more color in life is needed as too add more information so to the eyes nature is best. Natural so start with weed, then move on to shrooms just feel the rhythm use acid to organize your thoughts leading to a spherical thinking . Organic foods with a lot of protein is awesome animals too since we are a predatory species but make sure taste bud needs are met meaning hygiene and tasty but healthy foods. Thinking should be Both top (big) to bottom (most basics in life) left (what) to right (and how to) the whole sphere. If people weren't so greedy because they don't know about this but the rich needs to halt all go back to caring for our naturalistic instincts for the ones who didn't get that off the start and got everything handed to him till they were 18 and couldn't realize their true potential.

We cant have one industry bigger than another or else it will cause an imbalance if one gets more power and knowledge over the other and decides to use it against the mass through selfish manipulation which leads me back to sociopaths or it could be mental disorders from imbalance in society which no one seems to understand. To evolve as a society we have to make sure we must master balance and only then will god of whatever the universe/existence is accept us, or maybe it's that is we have to go see him. Societies have failed because their people weren't open minded and cared only for materialistic things but forgot body needs as well. We are connected through body and soul that must be met first in society before technology gets in the way otherwise too much tech we loose our basic needs and happiness and compassion would be lost to quickness and not caring for the needy.

We have to first master our body and soul as a whole species since we want, technology that can combine the happiness of humanity and the quick ease of tech, to make a utopia the perfect society where everyone can think freely and enjoy conversation with all and love all as well yes love/sex is fine with all because we are just humans as long as we aren't transmitting std's that "nature" brought but ya know "conspiracies" get into place. if the universe is in balance as we think. Tech should get its energy from nature without using up nature itself. You have to create your own heaven idk but as a species we should be able to die in piece and happiness not sadness otherwise we failed as a society to provide them a "heaven" if God isn't real. And if he is, he has safeguards for the poor souls who society failed on. If he isn't, science should be used to give our bodies that eternal glory in the end to send us off to everlasting adventure and with however many people we want to be with.

Take out bad and negativity from society because that was somehow brought upon us and we need to reverse that but balance we just need a lot of balance. To create the perfect balance of whatever physics or god has created. To give the universe back everything it gave so we can reach eternal salvation and glory and all the good it has given us once we remove the negative and bad from it somehow someway, no need to destroy another race since mixing can balance things out thus compassion empathy love joy freedom luxuries and fun without it causing selfish and greed we need to teach our kids these values from the beginning so we can grow faster as a society. Ancient cultures are the oldest and most humanistic with organic foods and healthy if made fresh organic and with full of knowledge.

Then use the method created by the original banking systems before something messed it up with some BS called debt. Debt is a word that sends negative vibes. Don't ever generalize banking system which uses nature to balance out the labor energy needed as well. Debt is negativity and that needs to be gone before anything else. We should also balance out all of our information cause any imbalance will cause a lot of errors. if its not done may cause confusion which causes laziness and worrying to unfortunate people since society failed them. Miscommunication of knowledge can be disastrous. Take in and remember in your head as much information as your capable of and as time manages take molly and acid to help you balance out the pieces of the puzzle to the best of your abilities the molly is used to ease your acid trip and takes out the anxiety. You see its not how smart you are but how you can use what you learn to your capabilities. Remember gays are here for a reason, they provide care for the babies that they adopt with their hubby/s that someonecouldn't handle due to societal failure. let only Positive compassionate, empathetic, selfless thoughts consume you.

Collection of all good data shown in the most efficient way possible. It needs to be creative, soul enchanting, something that can read our minds but for us only to share in a pool of knowledge with a filter so that everything that is good and nature and science and math and ethics and any words or sentences we can use anything positive and remove any illogical negative stuff and all this knowledge has to be computed using math so we have zero errors for the logic. It needs to learn how too balance out all of the information so that it can combine the original information with the filter and properly address the questions and answers from the big Picture to the one that started it all. Utopia equality social democracy all have similar meanings because if one thing started it one thing must have to be whole again to be in perfect harmony, for us humans that means there are so many things about life that we need to know that brings out this exact happyness working together and being one which will happen sooner or later in the when our minds have any and all negativity removed out from us.
its deeper thinking than most people can comprehend. We are an imbalanced society with materialistic values since we haven't been taught to evolve at a balanced pace with ourselves with nature and technology.

Remember equal-equal treatment of humans should be necessary but not all the times but still necessary something your brain is good at processing on drugs like these.

You will need to know more about your inner muscles and nerves and how sex effects your Brain. and how some neurons work Music your body can move to so sex is wonderful, because remember that its our bodies most naturalistic and needed thing if people just worked out more so they have a nice muscular body to be in tune with your favorite things to do like music another one of your natural instincts help moving the vibrations in your eardrums so you can just move your body to the music, try listening to music genres that you think you can move your body too that they are proud of which is better than what you want and kept up with good looks by we can become a much evolved if it were in balanced and not fucked over by like sociopaths do. Look at the fittest nations we need to use science in mix with nature otherwise we'd all lose compassion and hope. Good vibes means great colors rainbows just tons and tons of more color in life is needed as too add more information so to the eyes nature is best. Natural so start with weed, then move on to shrooms just feel the rhythm use acid to organize your thoughts leading to a spherical thinking . Organic protein is awesome animals too since we are predatory species but make sure taste bud needs are met meaning hygiene and tasty but healthy foods. Both top to bottom left to right the whole sphere. If people weren't so greedy because they don't know about this but the rich needs to halt all go back to caring for our naturalistic instincts for the ones who didnt get that off the start and got everything handed to him till they were 18 and couldn't realize their true potential.

We can't have one industry bigger than others or else it will cause an imbalance if one gets more power and knowledge over the other and decides to use it against the mass through selfish manipulation which leads me back to sociopathy or it could be mental disorders from imbalance in society which no one seems to understand. To evolve as a society we have to make sure we must master balance and only then will god accept us that is we have to go see him. Societies have failed because their people weren't open minded and cared only for materialistic things but forgot body needs as well. God is body and soul that must be met first in society before technology gets in the way otherwise too much tech we loose our basic needs and happiness and compassion would be lost to quickness and not caring for the needy. Take out bad and negativity from society because that was somehow brought upon us and we need to reverse that but balance we just need a lot of balance. To create the perfect balance of whatever physics or god has created. To give the universe back everything it gave so we can reach eternal salvation and glory and all the good it has given us once we remove the negative and bad from it somehow someway, no need to destroy another race since mixing can balance things out thus compassion empathy love joy freedom luxuries and fun without it causing selfish and greed we need to teach our kids these values from the beginning so we can grow faster as a society.

Ancient cultures are the oldest and most humanistic with organic foods and healthy if made fresh organic and with full of knowledge. Then use the method created by the original banking systems before something messed it up with some bs called debt. Debt is a word that sends negative vibes. Don't ever generalize banking system which uses nature to balance out the labor energy needed as well. Debt is negativity and that needs to be gone before anything else. Use hinduism and buddhism to find your soul mind and body. And take the good of christianity and place it into the societal world. We should also balance out all of our information because any imbalance will cause a lot of errors. if its not done through stop fearing too it causes laziness and worrying too the unfortunate people since society failed them.

Collection of all good data shown in the most efficient way possible. It needs to be creative, soul enchanting, something that can read our minds but for us only to share in a pool of knowledge with a filter so that everything that is good and nature and science and math and ethics and any words or sentences we can use anything positive and remove any illogical negative stuff and all this knowledge has to be computed using math so we have zero errors for the logic. It needs to learn how too balance out all of the information so that it can combine the original information with the filter and properly address the questions and answers from the big Picture to the one that started it all. Utopia equality social democracy all have similar meanings because if one thing started it one thing must have to be whole again to be in perfect harmony, for us humans that means there are so many things about life that we need to know that brings out this exact happiness working together and being one which will happen sooner or later in the when our minds have any and all negativity removed out from us. It's deeper thinking than most people can comprehend. We are an imbalanced society with materialistic values since we haven't been taught to evolve at a balanced pace with ourselves with nature and technology.
 
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Oh god dude please add paragraphs and proper spacing.
That gigantic block of text is an eyesore to say the very least
 
TL;DR the wall of text that didn't have paragraphs/spacing.

You were tripping. Keep that in mind, and that some psychedelics like cannabis and LSD bring out spirituality or religion in people.

Whatever you want to believe, or not believe for your spirituality or religion/faith or lack of, is your choice.

Maybe lay off the drugs for a bit? A friend of mine after a very large dose mushroom trip thought he had created a new religion/spirituality; but then once he was sober and not tripping he realized he had not.
 
Don't worry about "society," just keep working on making yourself a better person and the rest will follow.
 
Learn to spell. A giant post of nothing, sweet read.

haha that reminds me of reading memoirs by people who did way too many drugs in the 70s.

I read one drug memoir about this woman Mary Karr where when she took drugs like LSD, or stayed awake for days on crystal methedrine with her friends in the early 70s that they'd discovered the secret to life or the universe, and spirituality and when they were sober it was just drug ramblings. I also thought that the drug writings of Jim Carroll, and William S. Burroughs Jr. were much of the same.

bunnyhentman said:
Don't worry about "society," just keep working on making yourself a better person and the rest will follow.
Excellent advice.
 
The irony here is what he describes is just the realisation that 9/10 trippers observe. Delusion is leading you to believe that this is your special, profound epiphany, tantamount to Joseph Smith, leader of the Mormons. Also, it resembles the Messiah complex seen in more violent cult leaders like Richard Manson, who combined LSD & Datura quite heavily and manipulated his followers into following. They were paranoid xenophobes, disillusioned by the delirant's effects combined with the induced schizophrenic-esque continuous bad trips on the LSD. Cut off from the outside world, this spiralled out of control, and even though the LSD probably wasn't a fundamental factor, given the sociopathic nature of the leader and his ability to brainwash.

Probably a personal question, but in your childhood did you experience a lot of bullying? I could imagine this is the case. If so, that's certainly a major factor in the messiah complex you have. I'm fortunate enough to not face such demons, however have plenty of my own that became present on recent trips - maybe me trying to explain all this is my own messiah complex. But personally I think the other responses, bar bunnyhentman with a one liner that acts as a TL;DR for this, are too condescending and hypocritical. I don't think that's intentionally mocking, but if I'm right about the bullying and your current mindstate, this may certainly have a negative effect. The important thing is to remember all these visions of grandeur and your idealogical utopia of happiness is merely a pipedream that a lot of people have experienced, some using this to create evil and ignorance, others using it for much more profound, human reasons. Focus on yourself being happy. Realise what you have in this world, it could be worse - I know this is cliche especially if you're depressed, but it's genuinely true. Our time on this earth is short. There are people who would do anything to be a westerner who can partake in a society that you do, with raves, exercise and an overall good quality of life, compared to the destitute environments some people are forced to endure. Loneliness is an evil thing, and having lots of people around you doesn't always prevent loneliness. To put it in a more scientific description, it's a conflict of all the elements of Sigmend Freud's psyche model; id (which is natural instincts, the primal beast, the innate), the super-ego (the cause of most problems, the voice that condescends and induces paranoia. It's vanity, depression, and also determination and focus. Without it, we wouldn't strive for much) and the ego (This is the mediator, the balance. It synchs the super-ego and the id, making sure we set realistic goals based off the information we're provided. The lack of ego leads to narcissistic, self absorbed delusions which can lead to sociopathic behaviour. I don't believe this is the ego that's encountered during ego death, however everyones different.

For me, I encountered the super-ego via a relatively unintense trip on shrooms. It was complete understanding of everything I was doing wrong and everything I wanted. Ultimately though that's just an experience, the drug is a catalyst to what you are seeing. Take it away, and lay off the psychedelics so much until you feel comfortable with the feelings, being able to portray it in a way that's not as abstract.

Also, may I recommend watching Adventure Time while tripping; it's a cartoon that has a lot of psychedelic influence, and confronts a lot of scenarios from which mental health can arise from; a 13 year old boy, Finn, in a post apocalyptic wasteland after a nuclear war with his 28 year old shapeshifting dog, Jake. Finn is in love with a 16 year old who always portrays interest, but constantly tells him he's too young, and Jake the dog portraying an adult stuck in a childs mindset, no work and all play. A lot of episodes have sinister overtones and can be quite intense while tripping, but I genuinely found it is a good medium for showing the causes of mental health through environment, and helping one deal with that. Crazy visuals as well.

More importantly, stay healthy, stay happy, stay honest. Life is previous!
 
neoshamanism ;)

edit: I agree with holy toast after a reread that was a helluva first post voiceduck!!

I personally never have associated being bullied as a child with the various delusions of grandeur I've experienced in my life but I think you're actually really onto something there!

edit2: from wikipedia

"A study carried out at The Warwick Medical School at the University of Warwick, indicated that children who suffered bullying are more likely to develop psychotic symptoms in early adolescence. The background facts demonstrated that hallucinations and delusions are common in childhood as well as in adulthood and that children who experience such symptoms are more prone to develop psychosis later in life. Furthermore, the study demonstrated that the risk of psychotic symptoms, including delusions, was multiplied by two for children who suffered bullying at age eight or ten. The authors remark that bullying can cause chronic stress that may have an effect on a genetic predisposition to schizophrenia and result in setting off the symptoms."

thinking back on my own life I can really think of key points in my childhood where being bullied was making me crazy
 
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The irony here is what he describes is just the realisation that 9/10 trippers observe. Delusion is leading you to believe that this is your special, profound epiphany, tantamount to Joseph Smith, leader of the Mormons. Also, it resembles the Messiah complex seen in more violent cult leaders like Richard Manson, who combined LSD & Datura quite heavily and manipulated his followers into following. They were paranoid xenophobes, disillusioned by the delirant's effects combined with the induced schizophrenic-esque continuous bad trips on the LSD. Cut off from the outside world, this spiralled out of control, and even though the LSD probably wasn't a fundamental factor, given the sociopathic nature of the leader and his ability to brainwash.

Probably a personal question, but in your childhood did you experience a lot of bullying? I could imagine this is the case. If so, that's certainly a major factor in the messiah complex you have. I'm fortunate enough to not face such demons, however have plenty of my own that became present on recent trips - maybe me trying to explain all this is my own messiah complex. But personally I think the other responses, bar bunnyhentman with a one liner that acts as a TL;DR for this, are too condescending and hypocritical. I don't think that's intentionally mocking, but if I'm right about the bullying and your current mindstate, this may certainly have a negative effect. The important thing is to remember all these visions of grandeur and your idealogical utopia of happiness is merely a pipedream that a lot of people have experienced, some using this to create evil and ignorance, others using it for much more profound, human reasons. Focus on yourself being happy. Realise what you have in this world, it could be worse - I know this is cliche especially if you're depressed, but it's genuinely true. Our time on this earth is short. There are people who would do anything to be a westerner who can partake in a society that you do, with raves, exercise and an overall good quality of life, compared to the destitute environments some people are forced to endure. Loneliness is an evil thing, and having lots of people around you doesn't always prevent loneliness. To put it in a more scientific description, it's a conflict of all the elements of Sigmend Freud's psyche model; id (which is natural instincts, the primal beast, the innate), the super-ego (the cause of most problems, the voice that condescends and induces paranoia. It's vanity, depression, and also determination and focus. Without it, we wouldn't strive for much) and the ego (This is the mediator, the balance. It synchs the super-ego and the id, making sure we set realistic goals based off the information we're provided. The lack of ego leads to narcissistic, self absorbed delusions which can lead to sociopathic behaviour. I don't believe this is the ego that's encountered during ego death, however everyones different.

For me, I encountered the super-ego via a relatively unintense trip on shrooms. It was complete understanding of everything I was doing wrong and everything I wanted. Ultimately though that's just an experience, the drug is a catalyst to what you are seeing. Take it away, and lay off the psychedelics so much until you feel comfortable with the feelings, being able to portray it in a way that's not as abstract.

Also, may I recommend watching Adventure Time while tripping; it's a cartoon that has a lot of psychedelic influence, and confronts a lot of scenarios from which mental health can arise from; a 13 year old boy, Finn, in a post apocalyptic wasteland after a nuclear war with his 28 year old shapeshifting dog, Jake. Finn is in love with a 16 year old who always portrays interest, but constantly tells him he's too young, and Jake the dog portraying an adult stuck in a childs mindset, no work and all play. A lot of episodes have sinister overtones and can be quite intense while tripping, but I genuinely found it is a good medium for showing the causes of mental health through environment, and helping one deal with that. Crazy visuals as well.

More importantly, stay healthy, stay happy, stay honest. Life is previous!

Excellent first post man, please stick around!
 
Ok I fixed the thread.
Also In my statement I say I want only positivity in my head and all negativity gone because negativity makes no sense to me anymore. So no messiah feeling just what I think is right. I'm not saying i'm all right but I feel I have my basic values in place now. Now it's learning how to adopt it into my life.
 
neoshamanism ;)

edit: I agree with holy toast after a reread that was a helluva first post voiceduck!!

I personally never have associated being bullied as a child with the various delusions of grandeur I've experienced in my life but I think you're actually really onto something there!

edit2: from wikipedia

"A study carried out at The Warwick Medical School at the University of Warwick, indicated that children who suffered bullying are more likely to develop psychotic symptoms in early adolescence. The background facts demonstrated that hallucinations and delusions are common in childhood as well as in adulthood and that children who experience such symptoms are more prone to develop psychosis later in life. Furthermore, the study demonstrated that the risk of psychotic symptoms, including delusions, was multiplied by two for children who suffered bullying at age eight or ten. The authors remark that bullying can cause chronic stress that may have an effect on a genetic predisposition to schizophrenia and result in setting off the symptoms."

thinking back on my own life I can really think of key points in my childhood where being bullied was making me crazy

yes but i found what bullying and isolation towards me since I was in 1st-2nd grade had caused and it was confusion over what i am as a human. That in turn caused jealousy and hate and insecurities because i was unaware of myself and worried about others too much. I became a showoff person who was too materialistic and competitive because I was always made fun of for the things i couldn't do (sports, dancing) or lacked thereof (cool clothes, shoes) so I moved into videogames and technology and became too materialistic. I was forced and pushed into school where I was good at math and science but didn't really understand why or how things worked. To me the thrills were more important than anything else thus boredom had consumed me because I enjoyed cheap thrills and not the meaning of it. That's the life I LIVED by due to what had occurred in my life because I couldn't find myself first.
 
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neoshamanism ;)

edit: I agree with holy toast after a reread that was a helluva first post voiceduck!!

I personally never have associated being bullied as a child with the various delusions of grandeur I've experienced in my life but I think you're actually really onto something there!

edit2: from wikipedia

"A study carried out at The Warwick Medical School at the University of Warwick, indicated that children who suffered bullying are more likely to develop psychotic symptoms in early adolescence. The background facts demonstrated that hallucinations and delusions are common in childhood as well as in adulthood and that children who experience such symptoms are more prone to develop psychosis later in life. Furthermore, the study demonstrated that the risk of psychotic symptoms, including delusions, was multiplied by two for children who suffered bullying at age eight or ten. The authors remark that bullying can cause chronic stress that may have an effect on a genetic predisposition to schizophrenia and result in setting off the symptoms."

thinking back on my own life I can really think of key points in my childhood where being bullied was making me crazy

Yea, and the sad thing is, it's so common that really everyone should be talking about it to each other. My personal experiences have helped with that, and I understand what OP is saying as people have taken interest in the choices I made because it appears to have had a positive impact. But sometimes, feelings are too locked up or psychedelic use is excessive, or both.

Excellent first post man, please stick around!

Thanks! Shame I managed to typo on the last word... have had a lack of sleep recently due to work. That's another thing, I think having motivation and drive is pretty essential to treating trips right. I have two kids, and it is always a focal point of my trip especially given a messy break up with the mother and quitting a high profile job in the city to work from home freelance. But it helps keep an anchor during the trip, lets you realise what you're tripping for. Lack of sleep, however, causes just as many problems as underlying issues.

yes but i found what bullying and isolation towards me since I was in 1st-2nd grade had caused and it was confusion over what i am as a human. That in turn caused jealousy and hate and insecurities because i was unaware of myself and worried about others too much. I became a showoff person who was too materialistic and competitive because I was always made fun of for the things i couldn't do (sports, dancing) or lacked thereof (cool clothes, shoes) so I moved into videogames and technology and became too materialistic. I was forced and pushed into school where I was good at math and science but didn't really understand why or how things worked. To me the thrills were more important than anything else thus boredom had consumed me because I enjoyed cheap thrills and not the meaning of it. That's the life I LIVED by due to what had occurred in my life because I couldn't find myself first.

At the end of the day, it's unfortunate that xenophobia exists... but kids are cruel regardless. Some get bullied for trivial things. I knew a kid who got bullied for the fact his mum was mentally ill and his dad killed himself. He never went off the rails though, but I wonder how much it builds up inside. The thing is, what he's been through is no different to what you've been through. He's just responded to it differently, and it's made him stronger. It's never too late to change ones personality, and that's where psychedelics help. However, overuse just perpetuates the problem, I love this analogy from reddit in response to a users idea to fast for 10 days on only mushrooms:

I've done lots of magic mushrooms in my time. I used to eat a handful before I went to bed just to see what the dreams would be like. For a couple months I thought I was Jesus. I've been there and back with mushrooms.
I can tell you this: There is no truth in magic mushrooms, you can't learn anything from them. They only show you what is already in your brain.
When you take a lot of magic mushrooms, you overwrite the normal, healthy neural pathways in your brain with delusional/hallucinogenic ones.
Your brain is like a hill, and as information enters from the outside world, it's like rain running down the hill. It gradually carves rivulets into the soil.
Eventually those pathways just become permanent little streams, and the water always runs down the same paths. The pattern that emerges is you. It's your personality.
Taking a drug like mushrooms or LSD is like dumping a bucket of water down the hill. There's so much water that the usual streams are overloaded and water spills out, crossing between the different paths. New and interesting connections form, and you see the world in a different way.
That's great, every now and then, but if you constantly and repeatedly dump buckets of water down a hill, well then the rivulets disappear. You erase the pattern without forming new ones.
Constant, repeated use of drugs like magic mushrooms will have serious and lasting effects on your psyche. It took me several years to recover from my use. I beg you: don't do this to yourself. There are no answers where you are looking.
Go sit in zazen for 10 days. Fast if you must. You will learn more about the world by listening to it than by turning your attention inward and relying on drugs to teach you things.

http://www.reddit.com/r/Meditation/comments/1egn4q/10_day_magic_mushroom_meditation_fast/
 
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