Puff
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Apr 11, 2022
- Messages
- 113
Unfortunately I relapsed after ten days without using coke. I'm fighting to stop, but most of the time are I am using coke I have the paranoia that my cat is sick or that he used coke while I was not seeing, despite the fact that I keep two plats in the coke while putting inside a drawer in the kitchen to avoid him to jump and use (he never approached the coke but I always do on an specific place where he will not approach). I also clean the area where I use and wash my hands after using. Plus, I avoid touching my cat while using.
However, most of the time I have a paranoia that my cat is not okay. Once I really took him to the vet and in the day after this, when he came back home I had a psychosis where I believed that he was hurt and dying... My partner had to give me some Xanax to calm me down.
Yesterday I had another paranoia while thinking that my cat wasn't ok, but now because of the heat. My partner avoided me to take him to the vet for no reason.
I know that I feel guilty for using it and relapsing and that sometimes I project myself in my cat, because I am the type of person that hides how I feel and my struggles.
Also, my cat once got hurt and he hide how he felt for two days until I was sure that he wasn't okay.
I know this is a weird paranoia, but I love
my cat so much. Sometimes I try to be rational,but there is moments where my mind doesn't work and is hard to control. Is hard to ignore this voice sometimes. And I feel lots of guilty for relapsing and using.
If weren't my cat, the paranoia would involve me thinking that my partner is hurt or suffering, despite the fact that they are next to me totally fine. Or that someone of my family is hurt. Maybe one of the reasons that I use drugs is because I can't deal with death. I love my parents, my grandparents, my partner, my cat and the rest of my family so much that it gives me anxiety the idea of losing them. Also, this world hurts... People can be mean... I see a lot of people that have no dreams because they are busy trying to survive.
Moreover, I use coke to cope with the fact that I can't understand people and I don't understand who I am and my feelings. Most of the time I think that my thoughts and observations about the world are wrong. I am also a perfectionist with high achievement.
Sorry, this was supposed to be a text where I could learn how to deal with my paranoia, but I ended up venting hahahaha.
Currently I started therapy and I go to the psychiatrist. It helps me, but I feel that there is too much inside me that I can't understand and would take hours to talk about this.
Well, there is a lot more to talk, but I'll stop here. I'll have too sleep soon hahaha.
Hope you all have a good day.
However, most of the time I have a paranoia that my cat is not okay. Once I really took him to the vet and in the day after this, when he came back home I had a psychosis where I believed that he was hurt and dying... My partner had to give me some Xanax to calm me down.
Yesterday I had another paranoia while thinking that my cat wasn't ok, but now because of the heat. My partner avoided me to take him to the vet for no reason.
I know that I feel guilty for using it and relapsing and that sometimes I project myself in my cat, because I am the type of person that hides how I feel and my struggles.
Also, my cat once got hurt and he hide how he felt for two days until I was sure that he wasn't okay.
I know this is a weird paranoia, but I love
my cat so much. Sometimes I try to be rational,but there is moments where my mind doesn't work and is hard to control. Is hard to ignore this voice sometimes. And I feel lots of guilty for relapsing and using.
If weren't my cat, the paranoia would involve me thinking that my partner is hurt or suffering, despite the fact that they are next to me totally fine. Or that someone of my family is hurt. Maybe one of the reasons that I use drugs is because I can't deal with death. I love my parents, my grandparents, my partner, my cat and the rest of my family so much that it gives me anxiety the idea of losing them. Also, this world hurts... People can be mean... I see a lot of people that have no dreams because they are busy trying to survive.
Moreover, I use coke to cope with the fact that I can't understand people and I don't understand who I am and my feelings. Most of the time I think that my thoughts and observations about the world are wrong. I am also a perfectionist with high achievement.
Sorry, this was supposed to be a text where I could learn how to deal with my paranoia, but I ended up venting hahahaha.
Currently I started therapy and I go to the psychiatrist. It helps me, but I feel that there is too much inside me that I can't understand and would take hours to talk about this.
Well, there is a lot more to talk, but I'll stop here. I'll have too sleep soon hahaha.
Hope you all have a good day.
. I have been helping her with this by way of damp paper towels or water based wipes... once in a while I will put her in the bathtub and wash her back side to keep it fresh.
