I just had a horrible mood swing, am I addicted to mdma now?

[Inds]

I've only done ecstasy once in march, april and june of this year. I've never experienced mood swings in my life but started experiencing them shortly after the second roll. They'd come in waves and weren't too bad, upswings were more common than downswings. The downswings I did get were manageable until 4 days ago where I just had a really horrible one that lasted until today. I was depressed for days, I had a million thoughts racing thru my head. I thought everyone at work was plotting against me and that I was gonna get fired cuz I got a verbal warning on a minor safety violation when driving the forklift. Suicidal thoughts were lingering, I felt ugly as fuck and worthless as shit.
Most of my life I've been emotionally detached and aloof all the time. I started taking ecstasy to get my feelings back and now I'm wondering if this is what empathy feels like? I guess I got what I fucking wanted didn't I?
I feel like I now understand what it's like to be your everyday human with his ups and downs but at the same time I feel I really know nothing about humankind. Like, even tho I know logically that everything I'm feeling is an illusion, it's still reality to me and I can't fight it. I'm wondering if this is why so many people are so illogical and fucked up? They think with their emotions all the time and can't control it? Holy shit, the brain is so complicated. I can't even amass my emotions in words.
All I can say is that I wanted my feelings back and now I don't want them anymore. You poor bastards, how can you live like this?

Excuse my ramble. While I've calmed down by today, I was really freaked out the past few days. I was also getting some body tremors. My head would involuntarily twitch and still does occasionally as we speak. Are these the signs that I'm addicted to molly now and experiencing withdrawal symptoms? Could it be possible that I'm instead withdrawing from Buspirone which I stopped taking last month? I tried taking some 5-HTP on those depressed days but I can't tell if it's helping.
Do any of you experience mood swings as a result of ecstasy use? One of you look me in the eye and tell me that you're perfectly fine after years of responsibly using.

 

[BlueBull]

Mood swings are often an indication of MDMA overuse, not MDMA use. A lot of times, both on this forum and in real life, when I hear people complaining about depression (eg. the tuesday blues) they just happen to roll to often. I have to say, I've been rolling for more than 10 years and the only times I ever had mood swings or depression, which is very very rare for me, was when I overused the drug

The things you talk about in your post sound a little bit desperate to me. Have you ever considered therapy to try to understand why you're feeling this way? It sounds to me like you could use some help to make sense of this but I could be wrong. How old are you if I may ask?

 

[Inds]

I do need help to make sense of all this, that's why I'm here. My doctor is as useless as shitstained bedsheets so fuck him. They aren't any different than drug dealers. He prescribed Buspirone back in march for my anxiety (after I made it clear I will not take SSRIs or anything that will mess with my sex drive) and right after looking it up I saw "nervousness" as one of the side effects. How wonderful. This drug is supposed to make me feel not so nervous all the time yet a common side effect is making me more nervous. I saw him again last week when I told him I'm experiencing a serious wave of depression and need a replacement for Buspirone. He was about to give me Cymbalta, a drug that not only fucks with your serotonin levels but increases norepinephrine, a chemical that makes you nervous, panicky and aggressive.
I am sick of these outright fucking criminals and their master Big Pharma that puts them in charge of selling this fucking garbage to desperate idiots. Last week is the last time I'll be requesting the government for any services regarding my health. It's clear they don't give a fuck about my health. I regret even telling him that i'm taking MDMA because now they probably have it in their records that I'm a junkie, that's assuming he gave enough of a fuck to note it because it didn't seem so.

Sigh. Anyway, I did NOT overruse MDMA. I used it march 8, april 15 and june 10 this year and I documented it on this forum every time. I used 1.5mg per KG. I didn't get eye wiggles, I didn't even get jaw tremors. I was perfectly coherent each time I rolled except the first time when I took 250mg.

And yes I sound desperate because I have no idea why the hell I'm turning into a Parkinson's sufferer after using only 3 times, spaced an average of 7 weeks apart each.

I am 25.

 

[BlueBull]

I do need help to make sense of all this, that's why I'm here. My doctor is as useless as shitstained bedsheets so fuck him. They aren't any different than drug dealers. He prescribed Buspirone back in march for my anxiety (after I made it clear I will not take SSRIs or anything that will mess with my sex drive) and right after looking it up I saw "nervousness" as one of the side effects. How wonderful. This drug is supposed to make me feel not so nervous all the time yet a common side effect is making me more nervous. I saw him again last week when I told him I'm experiencing a serious wave of depression and need a replacement for Buspirone. He was about to give me Cymbalta, a drug that not only fucks with your serotonin levels but increases norepinephrine, a chemical that makes you nervous, panicky and aggressive.
I am sick of these outright fucking criminals and their master Big Pharma that puts them in charge of selling this fucking garbage to desperate idiots. Last week is the last time I'll be requesting the government for any services regarding my health. It's clear they don't give a fuck about my health. I regret even telling him that i'm taking MDMA because now they probably have it in their records that I'm a junkie, that's assuming he gave enough of a fuck to note it because it didn't seem so.

Sigh. Anyway, I did NOT overruse MDMA. I used it march 8, april 15 and june 10 this year and I documented it on this forum every time. I used 1.5mg per KG. I didn't get eye wiggles, I didn't even get jaw tremors. I was perfectly coherent each time I rolled except the first time when I took 250mg.

And yes I sound desperate because I have no idea why the hell I'm turning into a Parkinson's sufferer after using only 3 times, spaced an average of 7 weeks apart each.

I am 25.

When you talk about your doctor, do you mean a GP or someone specialised in mental health, like a psychologist or psychiatrist? In any case, just like it can take a while and a lot of trial and error to find the right medication for you, it can take a while to find the right doctor. I would not give up. This forum can give you experiences of people that went through somewhat the same but it is just as ill-advised to blindly trust it than it is to blindly trust your doctor. I would look for a different and better doctor but I would not give up seeking professional help for this. It sounds to me like the MDMA use triggered some kind of mental affliction like it does for a lot of people. There is help out there even if you already ran into one bad doctor after the other. I wish I could give you more to go on but I don't posses the knowledge necessary to really help with something like this. I can repeat something you've undoubtedly heard a million times before and that is that for drug recovery and also for mental afflictions, a good diet, good sleep and lots and lots of exercise are among the most important things you need to take care of. I hope you find the help you need

 

[Inds]

General practitioner but that's because I have more respect for them than professional bullshitters who have zero training in anything remotely medical (psychiatrists). It's preferable to hear from you guys with actual experience.
And I will NOT experiment fucking my head up with Big Pharma's drugs in the hopes of finding something that will fuck me the right way. Never, ever again. I swore off their drugs 10 years ago when my mother molested me and the psychiatrists said I was just depressed and needed to be doped up. They are 100% criminals and snake oil charlatans. A few months ago I broke my pact amidst virtually everybody telling me I'm a psycho, that I deserved to be mistreated and that if I was forcibly medicated then it was because it was for my own health. Erring on the side of caution, I decided to partially trust these bastards one more time with the only brain that I have and look what fucking happens. It had the OPPOSITE effect and now I can't stop twitching my fucking head, most likely because I'm withdrawing from that garbage my body became dependent on.
Since I began taking buspirone and MDMA around the same time, I'll never know which one caused this shit. I only know one thing, from now on I am saying NO to their drugs.

 

[Inds]

Well this week has gotten interesting. I am not depressed anymore as of last week and I had a huge upswing yesterday while in bed. I woke up to take a piss and noticed I was in an extremely good mood for some reason (super horny too). The blanket felt so soft and comfortable to the touch, much like when i'm on mdma. Its too bad this was happening while I was asleep but oh well. The head twitching is dissipating so thank fuck for that but I feel like I'm returning to depression once again. The big downswing I had 4 days before I made this thread was the worst and coincidentally yesterday's big upswing was the biggest of its kind I had thus far. This doesn't comfort me, I feel like these mood swings are getting worse.
I planned on rolling this weekend as I have 3 days off and the climate has cooled down but I called it off because I don't want this shit to get worse. I need to know for a fact if these are withdrawal symptoms first and if so from what? Big Pharma says Buspirone is safe and you can easily go cold turkey off of it but that wouldn't be the first time they lied to everybody about their snake oil bullshit products.

 

[LucidSDreamr]

Hi think you are confusing a psychiatrist with a psychologist.....psychiatrist went to medical school , have all the same training as a general MD and psychologist combined....they have among the longest residency medical training programs of any type of physician.


Mdma is a drug that's harsh on ppl with sensitive brains.... I get a notable 3rd day mood swing even when using just couple times a year.

 

[Inds]

The bottom line is the medical part of medical science ends when dealing with anything from the human brain because you can't legally experiment on human beings so you can't scientifically study the brain. Sure you could do it to rats but do rats even get schizophrenia for example? I'm schizo. To study my affliction, you'd have to take me apart and fortunately I have human rights that prevents that. Much of the time they don't even test psychiatric drugs at all which is why it somehow took everyone by surprise when they started realizing that antidepressants were only increasing suicide rates, apparently it all flew over their heads. It's all snake oil crap that no one has any idea about.
With illegal drugs like mdma we at least had a million human guinea pigs the past few decades with lots of anecdotal evidence of the effects.

I guess I do have a sensitive brain and I'm now literally sensitive, feeling tads of real emotion here and there. I feel the connotations of words as I interact with others and I think I understand how people get so easily triggered, manipulated, hyped-up and devoted to all these things I dismissed before as illogical pursuits of the common simpleton. It was always so frustrating to see people with blatantly hypocritical views who seemed to have no sense of irony or shame about it. But now I think I understand where all these weird perspectives come from. People think with emotions most of the time and smarter people know how to manipulate that.
I know what this all feels like now. The world is so big and everyone is living in their own reality pretty much. I don't know, I can't tell if I'm enlightened or confused at this point. I wanted empathy and I got it, now I regret it. Nevertheless, I still wanna roll but perhaps with a lower dose as it's obvious I have a hard time controlling my paranoia and anxiety. I don't know what to do with myself. Sorry for the ramble. This is like my only outlet.

But the head twitching has finally stopped. THANK GOD