I have little, if anything, when it comes to my knowledge.

[MagickalKat777]

Let me preface this with - if you aren't open minded, you don't belong in this forum and I will not tolerate religious, metaphysical, and spiritual intolerance. This is MY experience, not yours.

Ever since I was born, I have seen the upright (as in human body, not "satan" and his face) pentagram surround me. I've felt the power of my shield. I've used it to look people straight in the eye and read them while protected from them. An assassin of sorts. Well... I went on my first walk in years (I have agoraphobia) the other day when I put my angry music... Not necessarily angry... Evanescence popped in and I realized how fake it all was... And I walked under a tree and had a drop of energy hit me and my firey pentagram turned into a hexagram complete with symbols... From what I have deduced from those symbols is that it is impossible to fight the gain or loss of life... I blew it off and suddenly my shield went blue and I walked past people, able to see their shield, who normally (I live downtown after all) would have started something with someone wearing huge headphones, a Nike shirt, and jeans that... For lack of a better word (and makes me not to wear them again if MXE didn't blow me up from 34 to 38 waist), were... Attractive... I breezed past them... Oh but my evolution wasn't done yet. I skipped 7, I hit 8 for a few hours, skipped 9, and now have a decagram... The magickal equivalent of the yin yang... I even see blue and red....... Yet I feel the kundalini... Spiraling, wrapped in decagrams with decagram eyes... Currently drilling through my heart... Meeting extreme fuck you from me... Like an alien invader....... Because I know that once it passes my heart, I won't be "me" anymore... I don't care if it kills me... I'll live on in energy... I would surrender my soul to the universe... If I didn't have people who care about me... And I have my alter ego (I've failed every test for schizophrenia, apparently my alter is considered by medical science as a manifestation of the person I throw all bad things on)... Which tells me to embrace this decagram... Even drawing me to get my first tattoo as a yin yang wrapped around and through a Celtic decagram...

Here is me... Why... Me...? I'm not worth anything. I can't even make it until noon after each drinking day without realizing I can't breathe even though I have a Voldyne 5000 air flow meter that says I am pulling 5k (most it will go) at the best (there's a floater good, better, best) all the time...

Then there is the God issue... Please don't get me started there. I'm a fag so I can't make peace with the christian belief of God... But I can't make peace of my past lives...

With the 14 times I should have died in this life alone, including when I took a knife to my own hand (before I learned the "right" way from The Craft), I couldn't even slice myself before something hugged me and made me drop it... I was 12...

Ive looked up the decagram. It's nothing to play with any more than the yin yang by those who understand it...

The Indigo in me is awakening...

So there you go willow... There's so much more but with my computer messed up, this is the best I can do.

 

[tantric]

advice from my mentor. he would cast powerful circles/pentagrams at home, then shrink and copy them (a sacrifice per copy), making what amounted to a jar of pentagrams he could pull out at need. that's not exactly how your mindfield works, but you might be able to use the idea to gets some stability, or at least a retreat.

 

[Anamo7tram]

Maybe your just hellucinating? I felt disassociatives use in your post befor you even mentioned it.
Also, it's obvious your opening up and not seeking attention so don't mind the rude post.

I don't know what to tell you about your geometric figures, it's not very coherent, could you elaborate?

Disassociatives are awsome but a curse for your condition.

 

[swilow]

Magikalcat. Foreverafter has deleted his post- as is his right.

Edit- I've removed off topic stuff. I should not need to do this. The rules are clear. We don't abuse each other here.

 

[MagickalKat777]

I haven't touched any dissociative or any drug unless you are including alcohol... Which would be a really big pharmaceutical stretch in terms of NMDA but thank you for telling me I want nothing to do with a bunch of people who take drugs and then slam others. I will be leaving staff and taking my crew tag.

 

[Anamo7tram]

I haven't touched any dissociative or any drug unless you are including alcohol... Which would be a really big pharmaceutical stretch in terms of NMDA but thank you for telling me I want nothing to do with a bunch of people who take drugs and then slam others. I will be leaving staff and taking my crew tag.

Only reason I mentioned it, is because my past dissociative use gave me a false sense that i can feel some kind of aura around people, which related a bit to your post.
It would do your thread much good if your OP was more lucid.

 

[Xorkoth]

This is what caused you to step down? What's up man?