The fact that I watch enjoy watching this sick shit is just foreshadowing to the point where I rape and kill someone. I'm basically getting off to rape and death. I should not have any sexual thought or activity, including masturbation. I need to completely distance myself from anything to do with sex. I can't just cut the genitals off, as I would bleed to death, though I'm sure some of you think suicide is the right path to take in this situation.