I don't even like it any more so why do I still use

[mirrorgirl]

I am trying to quit coke. I binge every 1-2 months, big binges, feel horrible afterwards. I don't even like it anymore, but somehow still go back to it. When I don't use, I'm happy I don't miss my drug of choice, I enjoy waking up with a clear head in the morning and feeling in control of my life. But somehow 'it' won't let me go...

I don't get excited about getting high like i used to, it just feels like going through the motions.

I just want to be a normal person who doesn't do drugs and I think I'm finally ready to quit.

I have made a resloution to go the whole of next year without touching it. After a year I hope I will want to continue but a year feels long enough for now.

I was supposed to be doing some on new years eve as a last time, but have decided not to, to prove I am serious to myself and family. They are getting tired of hearing me make promises all the time, I know actions speak louder than words.

I think I am ready to quit, but why does it pull me back? I've tried to quit a few times over the past few years, but to be honest if I never saw a line again, I'd be happy with that. Whereas before I wanted to quit but I also wanted to get high... now I just want a drug free life.

Any advice for me?

 

[gmlifer]

I know exactly how you feel. I felt exactly like that for the last few months of my Coke addiction then one day I just stopped. Very odd thing. As long as I don't drink I don't use Coke. It's probably been 6 or 7 years since I touched it and it was what I would consider a very large habit.

 

[Tevil19]

I think that one year is quite a long time. And it takes a long time before you actually accomplish that goal. So maybe try to stay clean for a full month and consider it a win and feel good about it. This can motivate you to continue the cessation. Then you can extend it to a longer period.

I know how you feel, I am going to the same thing right now. I don't even like it anymore and it only interferes with my life negatively.

Is there something that motivates you to use again?

I think it's very big of you to not use on new years Eve.

 

[deadendgame]

Coke is a hard thing to quit. It's not completely your fault. Try to taper down with coffee.

 

[jamesBrown]

Why do you think you keep coming back to it?

In my experience, the reason someone who truly wants to quit but can't, is one of two things...

1. You have no solid foundation. Meaning...you don't have people(usually family) in your life to help you achieve your goal of sobriety.

or

2. You still surround yourself, at least to some degree, with people who will keep pulling you back into that world. We often don't realize how much the people we spend the most time with influence our lives, including our ability to stay clean. Even the people we love most.

In fact, the person I consider to be my best friend in the entire world is a MAJOR heroin/opiate addict(or rather STILL is an opiate addict). He was who I spent years doing drugs with before I got clean a few years ago. Unfortunately he kept using despite MANY MANY attempts on my part to help him get off the H. He comes from an immigrant family, never knew his father, his mother only ever has time to work, and as a result he has no "foundation" to use as a support structure or stepping stone towards sobriety. I tried my absolute best to help him stop using heroin countless times, but unfortunately, I'm afraid i wasn't enough of a "foundation" to achieve this. Now he is in jail(for the 5th time I believe) and the US government is trying to send him back to El Salvador, where he was born( but moved to the US before the age of 3 and is now 28 ). Not only is it a horrible situation for him, but I feel as if I'm losing one of the most important people in my life.

I hope that this helps you somehow. Good luck.

jB