• Psychedelic Drugs Welcome Guest
    View threads about
    Posting RulesBluelight Rules
    PD's Best Threads Index
    Social ThreadSupport Bluelight
    Psychedelic Beginner's FAQ

Tryptamines How to increase the potential of a drug before suicide

I am not happy with your suicide bullshit and with suicide. be a hero be like an angel. buuh to suicide. help others not kill themselves. help out everywhere you can. help yourself by not killing yourself and others. gryffindorers don't kill themselves. part of the whole philosophy is not to kill yourself. it's a black hole.
 
Salino438 said:
Good day, dear Bluelight community.

At the beginning of my message, I apologize for the inconvenience and my poor knowledge of English. I am well aware that this is the wrong place for such a topic, but if allowed, I would like to try my luck because I really don't know what to do and I believe that I will find intelligent and helpful people here.

It is not my goal to waste your time or to bother you, but at best to find a solution. I fully understand if my message is too long and you have no interest in reading it. I respect this decision and ask you to forgive the harassment.

I am a relatively young man who was born into a very alcoholic family with various facial and body deformities. In addition, since childhood I have mainly fed on processed products (mostly sugar and white flour). This combination has resulted in complete degeneration.

Despite several surgical interventions, most of the damage could no longer be corrected. Please do not get me wrong. I do not follow a sedentary lifestyle, but always try my best to participate in "real" life every day.

When it comes to the external appearance, I pay attention to short, clean finger- and toenails, white, straight teeth in connection with a tongue scraper (morning and evening), a freshly shaved face, an upright posture thanks to the standing desk, fresh, simple clothes, full hair, physical activity (endurance and weight training) and wholesome, organic food (mainly lots of vegetables, fruit in all colors, fermented products such as sauerkraut, purified water and animal products such as game meat, eggs from hens and quails, bone broth, wild salmon, sardines, raw milk | butter and cheese). Occasionally nuts that are soaked overnight to reduce "anti-nutrients" such as phytic acid in this case. When I sleep, I do not use artificial light in the evening (for melatonin, pinoline or REM and SWS cycles). Complete renunciation of nicotine, artificial sweeteners, caffeine, fast food, medication, illegal substances, soft drinks and alcohol only on special occasions such as birthdays or weddings, etc.

In other words, I pay close attention to the microbiome and follow Weston Andrew Valleau Price's dietary guidelines.

Nevertheless, I am teased every day by people on the street (insults and social exclusion due to my deformations + unattractive facial features). While other people all start their own families and get married, I am alone and socially isolated with no hope of a future.

People like me would have been dead for a long time without medical help. Nature would immediately exterminate me because of "bad genetics". Unfortunately, that is the brutal truth. No value for a society, so to speak.

Because of this, I want to finally end this life and commit suicide. Before that takes place, however, I want to dare to do an "experiment" and try a strong psychedelic substance (e.g. N,N-DMT) to see whether there is still hope, which I cannot believe.

Since I'm almost dead (at least psychologically), I want to get the most out of this experience. To this day I have not used any psychoactive drugs, but I have noted a few points that are said to enhance such an "adventure".

- some nootropics like Piracetam, Noopept, Selank, Semax
- sexual abstinence for several weeks
- "Dieta" (raw food without any spices or herbs)
- medicinal mushrooms (Lion's Mane, Chaga, Reishi, Cordyceps)
- nutrient-rich algae such as spirulina and chlorella (cracked cell wall)
- Consumption in complete darkness (with a vaporizer such as Glass Sherlock VG) for the purpose of the pineal gland and natural release of DMT.

Everything in high doses.

Do you have any further tips or advice for increasing a "trip"? I'm already at the end, so it wouldn't matter if it leads to death. I would be really happy about your answers.

Thank you very much for reading my message and all the best to you and your families.
Click to expand...


I just wanna say I don't know you but I care about you friend. Whatever that may mean to you I just want you to know that your pain isn't in vain. I hope things get better for you and if for some reason you stay on this path I hope it's as painless as possible..

Now I wanna put in my two cents on death by drugs because I was on a destructive path recently and am now kinda dealing with the aftermath.

Lemme give you the short form.
I was sober for quite awhile, and was building a life for myself. Had a good job,my own place, a vehicle in my name. Life was good.
I relapsed on coke but kept going to work.
Then I started doing meth again. A few weeks of doing that and I got fired.
I was pretty much like fuck it at that point.
I had two close friends who used with me and they were worried after a few months of daily meth use and not getting my life together. I was gunna lose my house. My car, everything all because I couldn't quite the fucking meth. Now here is the fucked part and one of the reasons my friends were so afraid for me and what was happening with me when I wasn't with them.
I was on Suboxone. I still am. A relatively low dose 8mg but still a pretty potent partial opioid.
I fell in love with heavy speedballs. I was taking twice my regular dose and when I wasn't with them (we only smoked) I'd shoot up to half a gram at once of meth. I wanted to die. Iv been a struggling addict with no handouts for almost 10 years actively. I was sick of getting sober and gaining so much then losing it all.. I was ready to die. Every time I shot I couldn't even stand. I couldn't even talk. I knew I was getting close to the end.

Then it happened.

One morning I was supposed to drive my one friend to a neighboring town. Me and her texted all morning planning it. I was about an hour away from leaving and I loaded up a huge shot. Took a swig of vodka and was ready for what always happens. I'd get close to stopping breathing or something then I'd be fine 15-29 minutes later. Not this time I had a massive stroke. It was so bad she thought I was joking. But no. My brain was exploding with pain. My arms and feet went numb especially my left foot. I cried hiding under my sheets. So I did what any reasonable person would do. I loaded a huge shot full of meth and Suboxone. Just do it. Just get it over with please.... But no... I lived obviously. But my cognitive functions are fucked. My brain is fucked. I have essentially a permanent concussion. I can barely play guitar. And things are getting better now that I am sober again off the meth but God damn I'm not the same person. This isn't what made me quit eather. I used for about another month but I'll just leave that here.
my moral from this is suicide by drugs can End badly. It can fuck you up permanently. And I can tell you the depression I felt afterwards for months was unbelievable. My self asteem is fucked. I am just lucky my arms and legs work. All I got was a white spot in my hair on my head that can a couple days after. Another reminder of how much drugs have taken from me..


like I said earlier I understand it's hard right now but don't use drugs as a way out... It might just dig the hole your in deeper rather then finally filling it with dirt.

BEst of luck friend.
 
youarethebest said:
I am not happy with your suicide bullshit and with suicide. be a hero be like an angel. buuh to suicide. help others not kill themselves. help out everywhere you can. help yourself by not killing yourself and others. gryffindorers don't kill themselves. part of the whole philosophy is not to kill yourself. it's a black hole.
Click to expand...
I agree it is a black hole. Even giving the idea of one's own suicide attention creates a really negative energy about that person. It'll Rob you spiritually and even if you don't end up doing it you will ruin your self esteem, waste however much time believing your life is over soon, hurting the people around you, somebody wants you alive I promise... It's all bad. Use that energy to do something great. Get out of self. Volunteer your time to a drop in centre or helping at the spca. Anything to get outta self and get all that negativity out of your mind.



Awesome comment btw!
 
Gotta say I'm very impressed with some of the comments here. Shows that while we all have our struggles, most of us would rather listen to your story than read your obituary.

Since the OP has not commented back, it does leave a certain level of concern regarding their current wellbeing status. I hope we're not chasing a fruitless endeavour and that they are reading this.

I totally understand what it is to be in your shoes, and am currently recovering from a nervous breakdown, which happened roughly 3 months ago and resulted in me needing to take 5 weeks off work. And since going back I have had 4 sick days. My anxiety has become crippling and some days I don't want to even leave my bed, let alone my house. But I keep pushing forward as best I can. I'm lucky to have the support of a loving partner, good mates, and working for a mental health organisation means I have easy access to services, which I'm very grateful for.

But at the end of the day, I would not have the support I do now had I succeeded in ending my life with drugs in 2018. I downed a bottle of xanax, an unspecified amount of valium, washed down with a bottle of whiskey and 14 beers. Ended up falling down the stairs, and woke up the next morning in a crumpled heaps covered in my own puke. Having sleep apnea, it's a miracle that I didn't stop breathing on that many sedatives and had I made it to bed and put on the mask, I very well could have choked on my vomit. My housemate found me and sat me down for a vey serious talk, as he lost two of his brothers to suicide and a partner who passed away very suddenly due to an allergic reaction. He explained how my death would have impacted my friends, family and him on so many different levels. The biggest eye-opener for me was when he asked me how I think he would feel had he found me dead rather than unconscious, having found one of his brother's bodies and held his partner as she breathed her last breaths.

Even if you feel that nobody cares or is willing to help you, I guarantee you there's probably 10 that would give their time at the drop of a hat if you reach out and tell them how you are feeling. Life is dark and gritty, humanity overall are not a pleasant species, but there's always a silver lining in every bad situation and something to be gained and learned from these hard times.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top