custard
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Apr 20, 2010
- Messages
- 151
it's in the title. please share.
as for me: i've never been a regular ketamine user, as there is no way i could afford it.. but i have used k every few months, give or take, for the past few years.
when i first tried k, about five years ago, it had a positive influence on me. it was my first psychedelic drug, (other than MDMA, which i had only taken in a club context), and it opened my mind in ways i could never have fathomed. it showed me parts of myself i had never met before. i was very stressed out with school and my relationship at the time, as well as struggling with depression, and k taught me how to let go, it provided a "reset" switch for my brain when i got too caught up in negative thought patterns and rumination.
ketamine has always been one of my favourite drugs, and i tend to feel much more subconscious, and much closer to my 'true self' while on the drug. i've always enjoyed it, whether for spiritual exploration or having fun with friends.. but lately i have noticed my relationship with the drug has changed drastically, to the point where i cannot take it anymore. i hadn't touched it in months, and did some with a couple of friends this weekend.
the first line was delightful. slowly things began to appear larger, more vibrant, meaningful, i felt my mind open, couldn't walk so well, all the familiar sensations.. but as the evening wore on, each consecutive line was a disappointment. i felt my mood falling, i felt those negative inner voices pipe up, i became much more self-critical than i am in sober life, (which is a fair bit), i felt less and less like myself, and i got quieter and more unhappy throughout the evening until i was completely silent and just wanted to sleep.
the next day was awful. upon waking, i felt the most depressed i've felt in a very long time. i've struggled with depression for years, and some days are better than others.. but this was awful. i couldn't stop crying. i hardly left my bed all day, and cried on and off for the whole day. here i am a couple of days later, and i'm still struggling to pull myself up after such a great fall.
since the weekend, i've vowed to stay off ketamine for a year, (at least) and told my friends not to offer me any nor tell me if they have acquired any. sometimes i feel a little depressed after a k-binge, but it's never been as bad as it was this weekend, especially the aftermath. i'm curious if others have experienced this with k, or other psychedelics, and if anyone has thoughts on why. i suppose it's hard to find a simple cause without sharing a lot more about myself, but still curious about others' thoughts and experiences.
as for me: i've never been a regular ketamine user, as there is no way i could afford it.. but i have used k every few months, give or take, for the past few years.
when i first tried k, about five years ago, it had a positive influence on me. it was my first psychedelic drug, (other than MDMA, which i had only taken in a club context), and it opened my mind in ways i could never have fathomed. it showed me parts of myself i had never met before. i was very stressed out with school and my relationship at the time, as well as struggling with depression, and k taught me how to let go, it provided a "reset" switch for my brain when i got too caught up in negative thought patterns and rumination.
ketamine has always been one of my favourite drugs, and i tend to feel much more subconscious, and much closer to my 'true self' while on the drug. i've always enjoyed it, whether for spiritual exploration or having fun with friends.. but lately i have noticed my relationship with the drug has changed drastically, to the point where i cannot take it anymore. i hadn't touched it in months, and did some with a couple of friends this weekend.
the first line was delightful. slowly things began to appear larger, more vibrant, meaningful, i felt my mind open, couldn't walk so well, all the familiar sensations.. but as the evening wore on, each consecutive line was a disappointment. i felt my mood falling, i felt those negative inner voices pipe up, i became much more self-critical than i am in sober life, (which is a fair bit), i felt less and less like myself, and i got quieter and more unhappy throughout the evening until i was completely silent and just wanted to sleep.
the next day was awful. upon waking, i felt the most depressed i've felt in a very long time. i've struggled with depression for years, and some days are better than others.. but this was awful. i couldn't stop crying. i hardly left my bed all day, and cried on and off for the whole day. here i am a couple of days later, and i'm still struggling to pull myself up after such a great fall.
since the weekend, i've vowed to stay off ketamine for a year, (at least) and told my friends not to offer me any nor tell me if they have acquired any. sometimes i feel a little depressed after a k-binge, but it's never been as bad as it was this weekend, especially the aftermath. i'm curious if others have experienced this with k, or other psychedelics, and if anyone has thoughts on why. i suppose it's hard to find a simple cause without sharing a lot more about myself, but still curious about others' thoughts and experiences.
