How do i get over being sexually assaulted by a family member?

[Sksjdjeisnfkeishz]

Ive been sexually assaulted by multiple people but the only one thats on my mind all the time is from a family member. He did something to me five years ago. I waited six months until i told people and my family didnt believr me. About a month later i tried to kill myself by overdosing on pills and i ended up telling people how i was assaulted and they brought a detective on tje case.

The detective interviewed everyone and gave only my stepbrother a lie detector test and thst was it. I googled if its easy to cheat polygraph tests and google says you can cheat them.

I wanted abd still want support from my dad and maybe my stepmom but mostly my dad. I want him to hug me and tell me its ok. Im not asking for people to hate this person for doing what he did to me. Im just asking for people to believe me. He did a lot of things to me. And i dont want people to believe me just because theyd believe everyone who says they were sexually assaulted. I wanr people to believr me because thy listened to what happened to me. Because it seens like people believe my stepbrother that he didnt dk it because they lovr him. And people seem to believe me because they lovr me. I dont want that. I want people to listen to me.

I dont want to talk abojt what happened right now. Maybe later. All i want is for someone to tell me how to get over not being believed and how to get over what happened to me. I see this family member at my job. But i dojt want to quit becayse i lovd my job. I see this person at my dads house and with family.

This has caused so much pain to me. Ive done so many things to try to relieve this pain. I dont want to stop seeing my family because hes there. I used to want to kill him. He makes me look crazy. Please give me advice as ro what i should do.

 

[n3ophy7e]

@Sksjdjeisnfkeishz firstly I am so sad to hear this happened to you. No one should have to endure the pain caused by sexual assault, especially if it's someone close to you, who you see nearly every day. It's not fair and I really wish this didn't happen to you.

I'm going to move this over to one of our other subforums, The Dark Side. I think you will receive more replies there.

Have you had any kind of counselling for this?? If not, I highly recommend that you seek some counselling. It will give you the validation you need for someone to believe you, and they will talk you through ways you can begin to process what happened in an effective way.

Also, have you straight out told your dad that all you want is for him to hug you and tell you that it's okay? People can't read each other's minds, and sometimes all it takes is for us to literally spell it out to people what we want from them.

Let us know how you're going okay? You've got a big community of people here who very much believe you, and you have our support

 

[Sksjdjeisnfkeishz]

@Sksjdjeisnfkeishz firstly I am so sad to hear this happened to you. No one should have to endure the pain caused by sexual assault, especially if it's someone close to you, who you see nearly every day. It's not fair and I really wish this didn't happen to you.

I'm going to move this over to one of our other subforums, The Dark Side. I think you will receive more replies there.

Have you had any kind of counselling for this?? If not, I highly recommend that you seek some counselling. It will give you the validation you need for someone to believe you, and they will talk you through ways you can begin to process what happened in an effective way.

Also, have you straight out told your dad that all you want is for him to hug you and tell you that it's okay? People can't read each other's minds, and sometimes all it takes is for us to literally spell it out to people what we want from them.

Let us know how you're going okay? You've got a big community of people here who very much believe you, and you have our support

Hello and thank you for your response. Diving into your questions I have had counseling and i still see the therapist and i have talked about this in counseling but i havent brought it up much. I should bring it up again next time i see them. The thing is i dont like my therapist very much. Not only that ive had therapy for five years, been in and out of acute hospitals, residential hospitals, and group homes and i just get tired of therapists.

I havent told my dad all i want from him is a hug and to tell me its ok. Everytime i bring up what happened he gets mad. But i think i should bring it up to him. I should tell him that im not asking him to hate this person im just asking for support.

Im doing good and thank you for caring. Its just a little tough and uncomfortable when im around this person. I really need to get over it because i see him at every holiday and it just ruins whats supposed to be a good day for me. And i see him at work and sometimes at my dads house.

 

[arrall]

You don't deserve to have to go through this and I'm so sorry that you have. I completely support you and I am here if you want anyone to talk to. Glad to hear that you are doing good.

If you want some resources that have helped me with healing from trauma, I'm happy to share them.

@n3ophy7e gave some excellent advice, and I'll try my best to add to it below.

All i want is for someone to tell me how to get over not being believed and how to get over what happened to me.

Remember that you know what happened to you and your experiences are true and valid. What happened to you is unacceptable and horrible, and you should not have had to go through that. I believe you and trust you.
I know that it isn't the same as hearing it from your family in-person, but I hope that still helps. There isn't anything I can tell you that will instantly help you get over what happened, as healing is a lifelong journey, but hopefully everything I have said and am about to say can help you.

Also, have you straight out told your dad that all you want is for him to hug you and tell you that it's okay? People can't read each other's minds, and sometimes all it takes is for us to literally spell it out to people what we want from them.

This is the best way to go about things. Explain to him that you just need to feel loved and that you just want him to hug you and tell you that everything is ok.

I havent told my dad all i want from him is a hug and to tell me its ok. Everytime i bring up what happened he gets mad. But i think i should bring it up to him. I should tell him that im not asking him to hate this person im just asking for support.

I'm sorry that he hasn't been there for you and gets mad about it. You deserve for your family to be there for you when you need it.

Im doing good and thank you for caring. Its just a little tough and uncomfortable when im around this person. I really need to get over it because i see him at every holiday and it just ruins whats supposed to be a good day for me. And i see him at work and sometimes at my dads house.

I don't think that this is something that you can or should get over to the point of it being fine to be around this person. What they did to you is completely unacceptable and not something that anyone should have to go through. It is completely understandable for you to be uncomfortable being around them,. You should not have to be around this person and act like nothing happened. At the same time, unless your family has a change of heart (or you avoid family gatherings) there will be situations where you may have to be around them. I'm honestly not sure what the best course of action is as someone who is dealing with something similar myself, but I assume that a therapist experienced with working with SA survivors would have some suggestions.

The thing is i dont like my therapist very much. Not only that ive had therapy for five years, been in and out of acute hospitals, residential hospitals, and group homes and i just get tired of therapists.

If you don't like and/or don't trust your therapist, it is crucial that you find a new one. You mentioned that you do not want to talk about what happened right now, so this advice is more applicable to when you start feeling ready to begin talking about it:

Look into a therapist specializing in trauma - particularly SA-related trauma - and preferably one who specializes in Somatic Experiencing therapy or EMDR therapy.

I will say that therapy alone frequently does not work for trauma. One of the best treatments for trauma and SA trauma seems to be MDMA-assisted therapy (with a professional psychotherapist.) I'm only mentioning this because I know how ineffective therapy on its own can be for abuse survivors and that sometimes things may feel hopeless. If this is something that interests you, I'd recommend looking into the availability of clinical trials where you live. Keep in mind that this is an experimental treatment, and despite the extremely high success rates it is still in development and has yet to be fully approved for PTSD treatment by the FDA.

gave only my stepbrother a lie detector test and thst was it. I googled if its easy to cheat polygraph tests and google says you can cheat them.

Polygraphs are quite prone to false negatives and false positives, and are inadmissible in federal court + many states.

I wish that I could be of more help here, but I just want to reiterate that you do not deserve to have gone through this. You have my full support and I am here if you need anything. I wish you the best of luck in your journey of healing.

 

[Eligiu]

If you want my honest to god answer, as someone who suffered rape and sexual assault by a parent between 5-26... I'm yet to get over it.

Every time I see him I fear it happening again. I remember the times it did happen. I relive it over and over again. I wonder whether I should report it, then realise I've been completely gaslit so nobody would ever believe me anyway.

Going low/no contact is the only thing that has given me any peace. I see him a couple of times a year at family gatherings and I told my mum a list of every other shitty thing he did that wasn't sexual as to why I don't speak to him (I don't think she's ready to hear about the sexual stuff yet or ever) and she accepted that. So now I don't have to text or call him.

I have a file from the department of Child protection so I know the truth. I know my truth, and I can find some semblance of healing knowing I was right and my fucked up life has at least partially been a result of his actions. And I will never forgive or forget.

 

[VerbalTruist]

Short answer. Time and therapy. Self work is often hard work, but hopefully you’ll be able to get to a place where your trauma doesn’t occupy your whole life.

I was never assaulted, but had some serious trauma occur at as a young teen. My family refused to acknowledge it. After some heavy drug use I finally sought the appropriate method to address my shit. Took.a lot longer than it should have.