Hopeless Hospitalized for suicidal thoughts and drug use

[TenaciousOne00]

Yesterday I was discharged from the psych hospital. I left against medical advice. They wanted me there until at least Tuesday. My mind was going crazy and I wanted to get high. So that’s what I did. It’s an endless cycle.

I was in the hospital since Monday night. I was taken to the ER Sunday night by a friend. I had done a crap load of drugs that day and was going to harm myself further. She showed up though and it was off to the ER. I was there for 20 hours before they could medically clear me to go to a psych hospital. I was honest with everyone about my thoughts and plans. So there was the best place for me.

I’ve been up all night and reality has hit yet what damage the last couple weeks of use could cause. I had almost 8 months clean. Now I question if I want recovery.

Im tired of the endless cycle emotionally and with my addiction. I feel like I’m failing all around. A smile will hide a lot though... and that is what I do.

 

[nznity]

Yesterday I was discharged from the psych hospital. I left against medical advice. They wanted me there until at least Tuesday. My mind was going crazy and I wanted to get high. So that’s what I did. It’s an endless cycle.

I was in the hospital since Monday night. I was taken to the ER Sunday night by a friend. I had done a crap load of drugs that day and was going to harm myself further. She showed up though and it was off to the ER. I was there for 20 hours before they could medically clear me to go to a psych hospital. I was honest with everyone about my thoughts and plans. So there was the best place for me.

I’ve been up all night and reality has hit yet what damage the last couple weeks of use could cause. I had almost 8 months clean. Now I question if I want recovery.

Im tired of the endless cycle emotionally and with my addiction. I feel like I’m failing all around. A smile will hide a lot though... and that is what I do.

I've been on a similar position a few times....Slamming Cocaine I've got the point of Drug Induced Psychosis and slit my wrists,I once tried to commit suicide aswell overdosing on opiates and benzos at a hotel. I woke up with a tube down my throat and my hands tied to a hospital bed. They kept me for 10 days until they finally discharged me. Hell I swear if you wanna keep your sanity stop abusing drugs, I've done too much harm to my body, soul and mind I got PTSD now.

 

[hydroazuanacaine]

“i have no thoughts of harming myself or others.”

 

[deficiT]

Yesterday I was discharged from the psych hospital. I left against medical advice. They wanted me there until at least Tuesday. My mind was going crazy and I wanted to get high. So that’s what I did. It’s an endless cycle.

I was in the hospital since Monday night. I was taken to the ER Sunday night by a friend. I had done a crap load of drugs that day and was going to harm myself further. She showed up though and it was off to the ER. I was there for 20 hours before they could medically clear me to go to a psych hospital. I was honest with everyone about my thoughts and plans. So there was the best place for me.

I’ve been up all night and reality has hit yet what damage the last couple weeks of use could cause. I had almost 8 months clean. Now I question if I want recovery.

Im tired of the endless cycle emotionally and with my addiction. I feel like I’m failing all around. A smile will hide a lot though... and that is what I do.

One thing I'll say, is if you've caused damage to others with your drug use, it takes time to repair those bonds and friendships. And cutting back on your use isn't a one day fix.

Maybe it was a good thing that you were hospitalized, as far as lessons go. But all you can do now is take what you've learned from your experience and move forward. Don't fall into patterns or regret over your behavior, take the time to make it right.

You have plenty of support here at Bluelight though, feel free to message anytime if you need to talk.

 

[Specified]

I've been on a similar position a few times....Slamming Cocaine I've got the point of Drug Induced Psychosis and slit my wrists,I once tried to commit suicide aswell overdosing on opiates and benzos at a hotel. I woke up with a tube down my throat and my hands tied to a hospital bed. They kept me for 10 days until they finally discharged me. Hell I swear if you wanna keep your sanity stop abusing drugs, I've done too much harm to my body, soul and mind I got PTSD now.

Waking up with a tube down your throar. Wonderful feeling...especially when they take it out. ..feels like a snakes being removed..the catheter is better though... ugh

 

[nznity]

Waking up with a tube down your throar. Wonderful feeling...especially when they take it out. ..feels like a snakes being removed..the catheter is better though... ugh

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH THE FUCKING CATHETER HURTS LIKE A BITCH, IT MADE ME CRY.

 

[Specified]

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH THE FUCKING CATHETER HURTS LIKE A BITCH, IT MADE ME CRY.

Yeah it's fucked

 

[tracedwards313]

You are not alone. It may feel like you are, but remember that feeling isnt the truth. I'm sorry you are in this dark place in your life. I have been exactly where you are and I know the depths of hopelessness it brings. It is the darkest shit my soul has ever experienced.

You have a problem. Now, I can't tell you what that problem is for you. But, its literally destroying you to the core. So, it needs some attention.

Unfortunately for you, its not your addiction thats your problem. Your addiction is a result of your attempt to deal with your actually problem. (Likely unconsciously) So, you basically just threw fuel on the fire and face paced the journey and complexity, as we all know the misery that addiction eventually brings.

But none of this is unique, far from it. The struggles we experience in life are not accendental, they are a part of who we are! They are the reason we are here! Some of us are destined to face obstacles that will create us or destroy us.

You are trapped and there is a way out, but until you learn the lesson meant for you, its impossible to escape. The cycle will repeat until you learn and move on or you die.

The longer you resist and repeat the same cycle the more miserable you will become. Since your now brushing against suicide, I wouldn't want to see what comes next. Its our soul purpose to learn and grow, not to repeat obvious mistakes until death. Its time for you to break free of this cycle, friend. Its time to give yourself a chance.

I hope you find you way out and remember that you can't do it alone, so reach out before its out of desperation.