Just a small update from my side. As life can be a bitch, from times to times there are coincindences that are just too striking to be such ones.
In the therapy group I have been for some weeks now there is another person, diagnosed with Asperger's. History of dextromethorphan abuse. So for both of us it was the first time ever to not only meet another person with the same (for simplicity, let's call it disorder), but also both in NMDA antagonist enhanced state. This was mind blowing. Two aliens of the same species meeting in an alien world. For now it doesn't change nothing but it's the confirmation I've waited and hoped for.
As the thought of me being autistic is very new, I know little about the knowledge but I'd bet hard on NMDAr's. Not saying they are the cause, but a crucial part. It's just indiscribable- NMDA antagonists hit exactly that button that is required, and that nothing other, no other drugs out of all these things available is able to push. Normalization within seconds. CPU load down from a looping 95% to idle, if you know what I mean. Clarity. No more strangeness.
But, foremost, no more anxiety. All these people out there are so freakin lucky not to know how it is to live in a constant state of anxious chaotic homesickness that can't be resolved.. (maybe this doesn't make sense, well words are limiting).
It's so... crazy.. to have this need for normality, to take a chemical that would de-normalize the average person to be normal.. and to be un-sober when sober.. Like the inverse of addiction. (Somehow I have to think of this ASD as being the ADHD of emotions.. )
And O-PCM more and more appears to be a very good candidate. At least out of what we have at the moment. Now it's four weeks or so I think and my brain almost completely adjusted to it. No signs of intoxication, neither from the outside nor for myself. Even these little things like slightly altered after-images when closing the eyes etc. are fading. It's just incredible. So normal. No physical side effects to speak of. Have the impression of immune system working
better than before. Some stubborn semi-allergic rash on my right arm finally subsided. I'll slowly try to tritrate the pregabalin away now, or the buprenorphine, don't know which first.
It's so oppositing to any addictive drug consumption and fucking striking similar to ADHD on/off switch phenomenon. It feels like when the switch is "on" here, the brain wants to keep it this way even..and the clarity window gets extended more and more past the peak of effects without redosing.. etc.. need to explain this better at a later time, with some graphics maybe.
Just that I need the chemical to be normal. I feel heavily impaired and intoxicated
without it. Yeah, like a medication one needs... but here it's a research chemical with fragile availability and time is working against me.. I don't want to have keep up trying more and more obscure research chemicals in the hope to find a substitute again when they will ban deschloroketamine ..
Probably I'll try to switch to O-PCE now when the adjustment is over. I'm not sure yet whether they completely substitute, or if there are tiny differencies in the trapping properties or whatever that make them act / feel different but I think it's more or less about a constant, well-titrated high trapping NMDA antagonism.
Only a single case report but still:
The treatment of the behavioral sequelae of autism with dextromethorphan: a case report.
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Jonneh, just started to read the link you've posted. Many thanks for this, also @Solipsis for your link!
From the Intense World Theory perspective, lessening of the excessive processing and storage capability of the autistic brain should also lead to a general “opening-up” to the world and environment.
This hits it to the point. It's also actually an instant unique .. well, opening-up associating feeling, when the O-PCM levels are falling and I redose. This chemical is great for experimenting and exploring this topic because it's so direct and fast acting, much like ketamine too but better (didn't have the chance yet to try pharm grade ketamine but think even with such the HCN1 affinity will add unwanted side effects and it's less potent, meaning more chemical load for the body, kidneys and such)
