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Hey Jealousy

That's really great you can explain that so succinctly. Everything you were saying sounded healthy and insightful until you mentioned your bf.

He's just substituting one drug for another. He's going to go back on heroin it's just a matter of time. I'm sure he's nice to you sometimes, but ultimately he's suffering from a severe illness and dragging you down. Think of all the things that go along with drugs: shitty people, breaking the law, blowing lots of money, etcetera). He's endangering you with your tacit approval. Maybe he's a good dude, but he's using to as a means to enable his addiction. IMO.

Idk your living situation, but if I was you I'd set some boundries like: i cannot have drugs in my living space. If you continue to use drugs in this house I am going to move out.

Enabling your bf isn't helping him or you. You deserve to live in a safe place and be in a relationship with someone life-giving. That's just me. God love you, do what you want.
 
T.hopeful said:
I've always been the jealous type and I admit that sometimes it's irrational. However, there have been some things lately that my boyfriend has done that bothers me terribly and I can't let it go. He just thinks I'm being crazy.

When we first started dating he refused to add me on Facebook because of all the women he was friends with. He knew I'd be jealous. Eventually he added me and I researched every like and comment I could find. What I ended up with is feeling insecure because of all the beautiful women he was friends with that he met in rehabs or from high school mostly. Yeah he liked their pictures and commented on their beauty but that stuff did stop when we started seeing each other so I got over it.

So shortly before he met me he had sexual relations with an older woman and told her he loved her because she said it to him first. She wanted more and he didn't so he chose to ignore her. She would call and text him every day for months! He wouldn't respond to her but it still hurt me that he wouldn't tell her to fuck off. He didn't want to be mean or hurt her feelings since she didn't do anything wrong. What she was doing was chasing my man and it was hurting me though. She finally stopped for about 6 months. Then she text him happy birthday merry Christmas blah blah blah. He responded with thank you merry Christmas to you too. So of course she starts blowing up his phone apologizing for how she acted before and said she isn't crazy anymore. She even said I was cute and wanted to meet me! He didn't respond. I was angry he even responded to her at all by saying merry Christmas. He knows how I felt about their relationship and he thinks I'm overreacting and said he didn't want to be rude by not saying merry Christmas back to her.

Incident #2. im currently visiting family 1000 miles away from him. I see a girl posts "I miss you" on his Facebook wall. I text him asking who she is and says a girl from rehab. I ask if he's been talking to her. He says no they never talk and the post was random. I go about my day. I check the post later and he replied to her saying "I miss you. Hope all is well." I instantly became enraged. He obviously knew I wasn't too happy about her post then he went and replied in public for all to see that he misses her. I feel disrespected and humiliated. He doesn't see the big deal.

It's not that I expect him never to talk to a girl besides me. But I don't want to see him saying things like that to other girls and I don't want him communicating with an old fling who won't move on. Am I asking too much?

I don't think he's physically cheating but there are trust issues because he relapsed on heroin a couple months ago by the way.
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I think you are over reacting by to much. Here is the deal, you either trust your man or you don't. If you trust him, then that is it, don't worry about anyone else, just trust him. If you don't trust him, let him go. Trust is the foundation of a solid Relationship. So trust him or walk away.
 
Jk
T.hopeful said:
Szuko, I figured I needed a good title to get someone to respond to a non sexual thread lol.

I am definitely understanding that he can have friends of the opposite sex but he hasn't proven to be able to communicate with them appropriately and that's what angers me. He should know right from wrong. There is one girl who he defends as a great friend BUT early in our relationship he admitted to wanting to sleep with this girl. So no, I'm not comfortable with their relationship and never will be.

Every time I try to have an honest conversation about it, he always goes back to the I don't want to be rude to them card. I've argued that by not being rude to them he's disrespecting me. He said we can agree to disagree. It hurts me so bad that he gets to defensive over these women. I don't know why he's so attached to them.

Now every time I go to his Facebook page I see that post from the girl saying I miss you and him replying I miss you etc. Its the most recent post on there. I want him to delete it but don't want to sound controlling. I feel like I shouldn't even have to ask for that and that he shouldn't taken care of it already.
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So if you keep seeing that post and it's still the most recent FB post, I take it you're looking at his page like several times a day? That right there is kind of overkill...I know you were away, but if you feel you have to stalk his FB page like that, you are definitely missing the trust that should be present in a 10 month relationship

Dealing with an addict makes it make more sense though. I truly think in your situation your biggest threat will never be other women. It'll be the drugs. And in active addiction one's sex life usually becomes nonexistent.

If he stays clean, great. If not, get out early. And build a relationship on trust where you don't have to question your partner. Without trust you have a shell of a relationship
 
if you keep getting bent out of shape everytime a girl writes something nice on his facebook, you've already lost. and how do you define "communicate more appropriately"? if he's just talking to them in a friendly way, he did nothing wrong, and you are just blaming him for things he hasn't even done.

Incident #2. im currently visiting family 1000 miles away from him. I see a girl posts "I miss you" on his Facebook wall. I text him asking who she is and says a girl from rehab. I ask if he's been talking to her. He says no they never talk and the post was random. I go about my day. I check the post later and he replied to her saying "I miss you. Hope all is well." I instantly became enraged. He obviously knew I wasn't too happy about her post then he went and replied in public for all to see that he misses her. I feel disrespected and humiliated. He doesn't see the big deal.
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this is what gets you freaked out? maybe they were just good friends in reha, and had a good connection while being there. but it doesn't matter what your boyfriend tells you, you'll be jealous anyway, it seems. get a grip on reality sometime...

ps.: I guess that most people who are in a relationship also can find other people sexually attractive, what matters is if they act on it (while being in a monogamous relationship), but I really believe that those who are truly and only into their partner are the minority.
 
crzydiamond said:
Jk


Dealing with an addict makes it make more sense though. I truly think in your situation your biggest threat will never be other women. It'll be the drugs. And in active addiction one's sex life usually becomes nonexistent.

If he stays clean, great. If not, get out early. And build a relationship on trust where you don't have to question your partner. Without trust you have a shell of a relationship
Click to expand...

Yes, drugs are definitely a bigger threat than women. He's clean and we are going to try and move forward. I can only hope his desire to stay clean is stronger than the urge to go back to heroin.
 
He is still taking the Kratom extract oil stuff.

I feel so broken. Not about the jealousy. About the relapse and the trust that was destroyed with it. I try to be positive and look ahead to the future but the truth is right now I'm sitting alone in the dark crying. I feel weak. Am I being naive? Is he really going to stay away from heroin? I didn't even drug test him, I just trusted he quit last week. is it possible for addicts to have healthy relationships - do they end up getting married and living happily ever after? He has no desire to be completely sober. He drinks wine every day, smokes weed, takes klonopin, and uses the Kratom. I know it could be worse but I'm scared it's not helping him live a life without heroin.

Must be nice to do drugs and be numb to this type of shit I suppose. I have 2 full bottles of Xanax but I won't use it to escape. My moms always been prescribed them and gave me her extras so now I have a collection. I only use them to sleep or if I'm feeling really down. I miss my friends. I have none where I live now. Im scared to let anyone get close to me because I don't want them to find out about my boyfriends drug abuse. I spend all my time outside of work with my boyfriend. He's out with his friends now. I'm rambling and feeling pathetic. I considered going to the bar just for some social interaction but I don't want to be that sad girl sitting alone at the bar.
 
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Right. He's still using drugs.

Have you considered going to ALANON?

If I was going to speak my mind, not that I am, but if I was, I would say, "Seriously, get rid of this guy."

He's no good for you IMO.
 
Please read my edit in the previous post. I appreciate your advice. Other choose to judge me but I feel your replies are genuine.
 
I really try to to reserve my opinions for those who ask for them. There's no chemical solution to a spiritual problem.
Please don't take this the wrong way, but I think you need to be honest with yourself and ask:

What's keeping you from moving out?

why do you have codependent tendencies?

What is the likelihood that you will leave your bf?

Who could help you move on from this relationship?
 
If you are being real I'm glad I can help :) if not you got me, I'm a sucker for trying to solve relationship problems.
 
Okay the moving out thing. It's my apartment so I'd have to kick him out. However, I really care for him and want to give him a chance to make this work. I took 6 years for myself to be alone and work things out on my own. Ever since then I was more pickier on who I dated. But I just instantly felt a connection with this guy. The more time we spent together, the more comfortable I became and I haven't felt that with anyone else. It's hard to let that go.

I also wouldn't be able to afford the bills on my own without a second job. As mentioned before, I don't have any friends here and wouldn't trust a random roommate.
 
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