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Hey all..its me again

C

chemctrl

Greenlighter
Joined
Mar 28, 2017
Messages
23
It's been 47 hours since my last dose, my entire family is away on vacation and I'm trapped here in the house with no means of transportation, no nearby friends, no anything. Just the internet and this godforsaken bed that I haven't left since yesterday, even though no position is comfortable.

I'm a bit upset, actually. I was expecting to be so much worse at this point, and the fact that I'm not tells me that my shit was more fentanyl than dope which pisses me off cause that just stretches this whole process out and I don't have that many meds to work with. Yesterday was pretty hard mentally, i took my clonidine and beta blockers and watched as much Netflix as I could, last night I slept but a wink or two. This morning i finally caved and did up 1/8 of a sub, and after 20 minutes of (perhaps psychosomatic?) increased hot and cold flashes I'm feeling rather normal, although bored out of my damned mind.

I guess, bluelight, I'm posting out of nothing better to do. I'm trying my hardest to leave the rest of my sub alone. god I hate kicking.
 
Good luck to you. This is such a hard process and all you can do is pass each minute the best that you can and stay busy. Do you have a good support system and Friends?
 
I'm replying from mobile so excuse my lack of quoting. To be completely honest, telling myself I'm kicking for good would scare me right the hell out of it, so right now I've been telling myself "just make it to the weekend", and going from there.

I've been doing my best to keep myself busy, I even picked up my old guitar that I haven't played in 8 months for lack of interest. The hardest part has been trying to keep this boredom at bay; my physical symptoms have been nearly none so far thanks to the sub, just a little rls/insomnia and flashes. I've been doing no more than 2mg a day of the sub, really trying to avoid prolonging this any more than I have to. as far as friends, I have none that aren't using right now; they've all been blocked so I can't even see if they've called or texted, same as my connects. I just had to change something, who knew change was so hard lol
 
It won't be as hard once you make the changes ( and it looks like you have already started that). I don't think you necessarily have to say "forever" if it doesn't help. On the other hand you can spend a lot of years simply locked in the same loop of using/quitting/using. It gets exhausting. How did it feel to play guitar?
 
Hey good luck in kicking the habit. Remember, it gets easier as the days pass. Do you have a computer or only your phone? I mean can you watch movies and stuff?
 
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