HELP. tricked into smoking meth, ruined for life?

[Itsallagame666]

Is it possible for someone to have an acute reaction and become permanently psycholotic?
Quick rundown: I had a traumatic brain injury last July. The love of my life cheated on me with with a creep and he said he was going to "have me killed". Someone shot at my house, and a lot of bullsh* was going on. Come Halloween in my already on edge state of mind I unknowingly smoked meth while camping (I was desperate for friends and naive). I remember hitting a bowl with crystals in it (very drunk at the time) and not realizing it until I had taken the hit. immediately felt invincible and indescribably evil like all the anger in my life had come to the surface and It was a feeling of pure evil and invulnerability, like I was an entity and not a person, anyway about a week later I felt like I was dead, sweating and rolling around in my bed wondering if I was going to die and go to hell for doing meth. Well it was like a was still half high for months. Months of schizophrenia, hypertension, sweating, feeling like a tweaker, self esteem gone, unable to feel good at all, unable to feel pain, and still feel hypertension and the weird evil anger a year later, I feel very violated and cynical of the world. Iv lost a lot of cognitive ability since and it's frustrating, there's been a lot of days i feel better off dead/ruined. Iv lost all of my friends because of how Iv changed. I appear emotionless and evil according to everyone, even my mom. It's like Iv lost the ability to think. Even though, I have an iq of 160. It's more or less like my brain is broken. I can't remember my childhood. I can't feel. What do I do with myself from now on because I feel like my life is a sick joke. Who has any experience with this kind of thing or knows about meth toxicity and what can be done to return to normal. I miss the person i was.

 

[Vastness]

Wow, I am sorry to hear that all that stuff happened to you. However I do not believe that a single dosage of meth, without any other confounding factors, would lead to the long term effects that you are describing. You say you had "months of schizophrenia" - have you actually been diagnosed schizophrenic, since you smoked meth? Did you have any other mental health issues before this?

It sounds like you had some severely negative preconceptions about meth beforehand, which are not entirely justified. Methamphetamine is a prescription drug and as such a single isolated use will generally not cause any lasting changes without other factors being involved. I think the primary cause of the issues you have experienced was without question your traumatic brain injury, compounded by the emotional trauma in the other events you describe. Then smoking meth was just the final straw, so to speak, and the catalyst that tipped your already unstable mental state over the edge. However if you hadn't smoked meth, it would just as likely have been something else.

I think your best bet is just to forget you smoked meth, and address the issues you have now. I couldn't tell you what is going on in your brain as I am not trained in mental health and even if I was it's highly unlikely I could diagnose you over the internet. However it's clear that you have developed some kind of mental health issue that needs treatment, and is most likely quite treatable with the right psychotherapy and probably medication. If you've already tried speaking to a mental health professional and were not satisfied with the results, don't give up, see someone else and keep trying because this is the best chance you have of getting this problem resolved.

The fact that you smoked meth once, drunk, has little to do with it in my opinion and is not even really relevant, and I would be willing to bet that any psychologist would tell you the same thing.

 

[Tubbs]

yeah ive never seen anyone fall into meth psychosis after one use

 

[PriestTheyCalledHim]

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through all of this.

Please see a medical professional and tell him/her your medical history, about any drugs you use or are prescribed, about how you smoked meth, and about your concerns and what's happening to you. You will not get into legal trouble for doing this.

 

[Ozle]

Sounds more likely that the head injury you suffered caused some of the symptoms you're still feeling now. It's not clear from your post what actually happened to you, but from what you did say (somebody tried to kill you, and perhaps even that you got shot) it sounds extremely violent.

I'd really suggest going to see a doctor about this and explaining as best as you can what injuries you suffered and what treatment you received following it. Smoking meth in the weeks after head trauma is obviously never a good idea, but I don't think it's the main cause of what you're going through. Some of the symptoms you described (cognitive problems, anmesia...) seem far more like the aftereffects of TBI than the result of a single hit of meth; the meth won't have helped things, but I suspect that there was already an underlying problem before that.

 

[raphaelvize]

Im so sorry to hear about this, Psychosis is scariest thing in the world IMO (Ive never actually been diagosed with it but i think ive had aspects). Like everyone else, im suprised that it happened straight away after smoking meth (you might not actually have it, but it looks like your having some symptoms of it. Seeing a doctor could help diagnose the issue). The only thing i can really think of that could be the cause is that you may have smoked meth cut with something dogey and you might have a very fragile mind (like me). You could've also smoked a huge amount of meth in that bowl accidentally (because you were drunk) and because alcohol is a depressent, it may of canceled out some of the overdose symptoms from the meth but still cause some damage to your brain (does that make sense?). Don't take any other drugs while your like this.

Anyway, you should get some help for sure at a doctor or psychiatrist. Get better soon!

 

[Runningfox]

I agree with all the above except one thing: when I was overdosed accidentally by a doctor on ketamine n came out ok I researched it. Sorry I dont have the links handy but some articles DID purport that permanent psychosis can RARELY occur by just one over use of psychedelic drugs such as mine (ketamine) or high end stimulants such as meth.

I don't mean to scare you; I'm unclear on the timeline between your brain injury and the drinking with smoking meth. Certainly your brain injury MAY be causing all these issues yet you MUST see a psychiatric professional and tell ALL. Don't be afraid; they need to know everything.

I've known.ppl who came outta gun shots to the head and still lived good productive lives.... but they had to take the advice of their doctors and avoid all substance use.

I'm so sorry this Is going on
Pls see a psych doc asap. If you feel in a rage or outta control that's the time to show up at the ER --- trust your mom; if she feels you are becoming dangerous to yourself or others, Allllllow that "this is my condition causing this. These ppl are here to keep me safe. I have done nothing wrong. " you seem clear enough right now to recognise all this so repeat it to yourself when things get panicky--- talk to mom bout getting to a professional asap.

Strength n Peace... I believe you'll recover n one more point: You are NEVER gonna visit HELL for using a drug.
Blessings to you . Stay safe!