Need Help Help on post addiction recovery/Chances of disease - is this normal?

[leroyjenkinsss]

I want to start this post by saying I'm not looking for sympathy just some advice.

I'd advise anyone - DO NOT DO DRUGS. Although drug users should not be penalised or demonised.

I previously have done drugs quite heavily, I was in a bad situation mentally and surrounded by bad people. This along with an addictive personality and ASD well...

I'm looking for advise/others similar experience and whether you've been able to heal from what you did

Context for me :

Drug use began at 19 (2017) with daily weed smoking that got ridiculous quite quickly (3.5-7G a day). During this period I completed a BA degree. Around that age I had half a pill.

I went to a festival during a period I can barely remember (around 2019) and took a hefty amount of ketamine and MDMA in a short period. Around 2g of ket and 2g of mdma as well as about 8 pills.

Then from september 2019 to around August of 2021 I did a hell of a lot of cocaine 1-2g a week if not more for every week ish during this time, sometimes more on one night.

Then I went to a festival this year in August and took around 2g mdma, 2g ket, 3g coke in about 3 days.

Oh and I've smoked cigerettes heavily throughout this period as well as binge drinking a fuck ton and eating an unreal amount of unhealthy foods.

And for most of that period I drank 2l of Pepsi max a day rather than water.

Currently I have insomnia or the inability to make rational decisions such as not eating at 11pm and drinking a bottle of pepsi, so I get around 4-6 hours sleep on a weeknight and about 24 during the weekend.

I have bad anxiety everyday/most day (although again I've always had some form of anxiety as a result of ASD so unsure if it's just got worse)

I have visual snow (although whether this is drug related I'm not sure) And my vision has deteriorated in terms of I can unfocus my eyes on "command" and get double vision on command which I couldnt previously do



I repressed loads of memories of friends and my younger years to get through some tough times and I've made some stupid decisions, embarrassing and some like "why the fucking fuck did i do that" memories I keep locked away so unsure if the depersonalisation I'm feeling is because of that or drugs. Or both?



Cognitively I feel like somethings wrong. I feel almost normal. As if there's something missing that I just can not reach. Generally my memory is poor but I've always reasoned I have my phone to remember things for me, I've grown used to remembering facts or stories that I can easily find online.



The only thing I can say is potentially I'm depressed/anxious but I'm sure that's simply more related to lack of sleep because I generally feel fine other than having ED some traumatic memories.



I read online symptoms of MS and stuff and it worries me.



Basically I was fucked before drugs, and I'm more fucked now.



But I'm not complaining. I just want advice on how to repair my brain, body, etc and any tips that former users have for reducing the risk of future health problems by healthy lifestyle tips, meditation tips and what not.



Also on whether I should properly see a doctor to rule out anything super serious such as MS?



I've had blood tests and an ECG. I dont get "out of breath" unless I sprint without breathing. I generally exercise a lot and feel pretty decent when I'm not exhausted. Although I always feel "tired".



Does it get better or will I always be like this? Does it get to a point where you feel more "normal" after a while?



I feel like theres a haze that could potentially be lifted with a year or so of clean eating, exercise and reading.. but I also feel like I have a deadly disease (heart attack, cancer, stroke, dementia, alzimers or however you spell it) that's already set in motion and there's nothing I can do.



On a final note I do have ED - not sure whether its physical or psychological or both seen as though I haven't had a sex drive in about a year



If anyone has read this far, please let me know your unbiased, unfiltered thoughts and advice on what actions I could take to improve?


Are my worries normal?

 

[Jabberwocky]

are you seeing a therapist? there are some insanely good treatments for trauma now and it sounds like they could help you immensely.

i think you probably are worrying too much about the impact of your drug use. its done, you don't do it anymore. i know the anxiety it causes once you start caring about your health is awful cos i have it too. i have tinnitus due to injecting large amounts of cocaine so i can literally hear the damage i've done to my circulatory system 24/7, and am currently undergoing lots of testing for respiratory problems that don't fit an easy diagnosis and i'm convinced its damage i've done from smoking weed/cigs/crack/heroin for years.

so i'm living that anxiety right now. but its not helpful to me and its not helpful to you. all we can do is make better choices from this point on and get help for the issues we're suffering.