Mental Health Have I permanently messed up my brain?

[Magic812]

I'm worried that I've done some kind of permanent damage to myself, I've been using rc benzos and meth almost daily since I got off house arrest 2 years ago (Did 3 years in prison for possession of meth then 10 months house arrest, honestly didn't help the problem just did more damage imo) and I have tried to quit both numerous times, don't even enjoy the meth because I don't get high anymore unless I iv it but haven't been able to enjoy that roa since stopping iv fent about 3 months ago.... I had 4 years clean from heroin/fent until I was separated from my wife for a couple months I started using rc benzos and street fent I thought was h at first but I test myself regularly because I'm on Suboxone maintenance... I've been failing for mdma for the past few weeks and never did before which is got me confused about if my body isn't breaking it down the same or if I just have so much meth built up in my system...I tried to quit rc benzos many times in the past 2 years and was semi successful and passed a drug test after my son was born a year ago I quit long enough to pass a drug test but started again because of anxiety/panic attacks from marijuana use.. What I'm concerned about is about 3 months ago when I stopped shooting fent and ran out of Bromazolam at the same time andvwent into psychosis and started hearing auditory hallucinations that come and go, even when I stay off stimulants..since stopping fent I got back on my Suboxone and tapered down to 2mg when I quit I took a dose to soon and went into pwd and started hearing things (I iv 2mg a day, waiting on .2 wheel filters to land Monday because I can't stop IVing my subs they don't work/help at all unless I IV them I can't feel them longer than a day or two and have to take 4mg which I hate because it builds up in my system and quits working fast) I have went into psychosis before from meth and it's always went away once I've came down and slept but since I started hearing voices in my head after going through benzodiazepine withdrawal it has been almost permanent even when I take benzos it doesn't fully go away, Seroquel helps but it has a lot of side effects like muscle spasms that wake me up from sleep, the voices I hear re frightening and I don't know what to do, I have separation anxiety when I'm away from my spouse or my son but don't know if I can make it through this without finding a rehab and I'm scared if I'm honest they will just lock me up permanently in a psych ward... when it happens I get stuck in thought loops, even when I don't think my heads not quiet it's like my thoughts echo I feel like my brain was a piece of glass and It fractured into a bunch of pieces when I quit opioids and started trying to quit bromazolam the voices I hear are not my own like when I think I'm my head and hear myself but like someone is inside my head watching me, the voices change, sometimes they're criticizing me or threatening to tell on me send me back to prison or judging me and I want to know how likely it is that my receptors are fried and I did permanent damage, I'm unsure if I had underlying conditions but have am 28 and have been a poly substance drug abuser since I was 12.. The only reason I still use meth is to be able get out of bed and I know it makes my mental condition worse, makes me more anxious, paranoid and mess up my priorities but I don't understand why it's so hard to quit it since I quit doing meth+fent speedballs and don't enjoy the meth on its own without at least bupe+benzos/alcohol why do I still crave this shit when it makes me feel like shit? Marijuana also still gives me panic attacks like 30 percent of the time but I'm hoping if I stop the meth things will get better over time and hope I can smoke weed without freaking out and having my legs go numb, how long does it take to safely taper off bromazolam and is psychosis or voices I hear going to go away eventually???

 

[AlphaMethylPhenyl]

Could you edit and put in paragraphs? You'll get more responses that way. Thanks.

 

[kiely]

I can't read I get headaches.

But you can also make separate paragraphs. And then double space your sentences ?

Thank you for sharing this part of life here.



Also I can copy and paste your whole comment myself and make the print larger or divide the post into

paragraphs somewhere on a clipboard . . . . .


But I get headaches these days but however I really enjoy reading especially in r.l. writings.

I find others can be most fascinating at times.


I will make it BIG and read your POST. thnxxx


oh yes thank you for your KindleBluePostGoodGreatComment.

But I have not read yet, so I am not sure what I am sensing.

I can't wait. See I go off and print a lot sometimes too. I forget how to be brief and informative.


Well I am off to find your information that you shared and am interested to read.

Apparently messed up brains can grow some new pathways. But it scares me quite a bit. bye

I am off to read !!

 

[kiely]

I'm worried that I've done some kind of permanent damage to myself, I've been using rc benzos and meth almost daily since I got off house arrest 2 years ago (Did 3 years in prison for possession of meth then 10 months house arrest, honestly didn't help the problem just did more damage imo) and I have tried to quit both numerous times, don't even enjoy the meth because I don't get high anymore unless I iv it but haven't been able to enjoy that roa since stopping iv fent about 3 months ago.... I had 4 years clean from heroin/fent until I was separated from my wife for a couple months

I started using rc benzos and street fent I thought was h at first but I test myself regularly because I'm on Suboxone maintenance... I've been failing for mdma for the past few weeks and never did before which is got me confused about if my body isn't breaking it down the same or if I just have so much meth built up in my system...I tried to quit rc benzos many times in the past 2 years and was semi successful and passed a drug test after my son was born a year ago I quit long enough to pass a drug test but started again because of anxiety/panic attacks from marijuana use..

What I'm concerned about is about 3 months ago when I stopped shooting fent and ran out of Bromazolam at the same time andvwent into psychosis and started hearing auditory hallucinations that come and go, even when I stay off stimulants..since stopping fent I got back on my Suboxone and tapered down to 2mg when I quit I took a dose to soon and went into pwd and started hearing things (I iv 2mg a day, waiting on .2 wheel filters to land Monday because

I can't stop IVing my subs they don't work/help at all unless I IV them I can't feel them longer than a day or two and have to take 4mg which I hate because it builds up in my system and quits working fast) I have went into psychosis before from meth and it's always went away once I've came down and slept but since I started hearing voices in my head after going through benzodiazepine withdrawal it has been almost permanent even when I take benzos it doesn't fully go away, Seroquel helps but it has a lot of side effects like muscle spasms that wake me up from sleep, the voices I hear re frightening and I don't know what to do, I have separation anxiety when I'm away from my spouse or my son but don't know if I can make it through this without finding a rehab and I'm scared if I'm honest they will just lock me up permanently in a psych ward... when it happens I get stuck in thought loops, even when I don't think my heads not quiet it's like my thoughts echo I feel like my brain was a piece of glass and It fractured into a bunch of

pieces when I quit opioids and started trying to quit bromazolam the voices I hear are not my own like when I think I'm my head and hear myself but like someone is inside my head watching me, the voices change, sometimes they're criticizing me or threatening to tell on me send me back to prison or judging me and I want to know how likely it is that my receptors are fried and I did permanent damage, I'm unsure if I had underlying conditions but have am 28 and have been a poly substance drug abuser since I was 12.. The only reason I still use meth is to be able get out of bed and I know it makes my mental condition worse, makes me more anxious, paranoid and mess up my priorities but I

don't understand why it's so hard to quit it since I quit doing meth+fent speedballs and don't enjoy the meth on its own without at least bupe+benzos/alcohol why do I still crave this shit when it makes me feel like shit? Marijuana also still gives me panic attacks like 30 percent of the time but I'm hoping if I stop the meth things will get better over time and hope I can smoke weed without freaking out and having my legs go numb, how long does it take to safely taper off bromazolam and is psychosis or voices I hear going to go away eventually???

Yes you are definitely going through so much right now.

~~~~~~~


You definitely need to focus on your family so that they can know the love that you have for them.

Always having your family in your life will give you something to do to focus on them instead of being broken and unhappy from getting involved too much with the bad habits of the drug usage.

And having a good healthy family life will give you something better to look forward to instead
of drug use all of the time.

~~~~~~~~~~~

The body is amazing and can heal itself also. It is possible to heal yourself and is something that you
can look forward to by having your family to love and always have them to look forward to.

All of the drug usage will destroy all of this. And try to eliminate poly-substance abuse little by little
and try tapering down to a select few mes instead. Too much is definitely not good !!! you know.

~~~~~~~~~~~

You have to try to find a different lifestyle and heal from substance abuse for a Great New Start !!

It is possible to heal your brain and change to better brain pathways and habits.

~~~~~~~~~~

It will take work, of course, but you and your family are so worth it !!

~~~~~~~~~~~~

See ! three days ago I could barely read and write. And now I am trying again too !!