Heroin Has anyone here ever been able to return to recreational use?

[aarondank]

I'm not really of the belief that each time you don't give in, you strengthen. I mean, let's face it. Brain chemistry is changed through prolonged exposure to heroin and simply does not ever return completely to its original state.

I use heroin occasionally after being addicted to oxycodone, dilaudid, and fentanyl for years. I use once to twice a week at max, and I have my own set of principles that I follow. For example, I never use two days in a row. I wouldn't really call this a "successful" regiment as the day after use I'm always dealing with strong mental cravings to use again. Living with these cravings is not "successful" in any way. Sure, I don't give into them, so you could say I've succeeded in staying away from being physically addicted for some time now. However, like I said I'm always dealing with either mental cravings or very minor physical withdrawals (mostly mental; my mind tries to trick me into thinking I'm in withdrawal so I'll redose) and patting myself on the back for not stumbling into the pit I'm dangerously dancing around.


If I didn't have serious pain issues I wouldn't use. The physical pain is way beyond a simple justification to feed my addiction. I wake up some days with business meetings planned or work-related activities that I have specifically not wanted to get high before... however, I'm in excruciating pain and grudgingly go out and cop some heroin in order to be able to perform at an optimum physical level while sacrificing some mental clarity. It's absolutely terrible, and I'm definitely on track to return to my pain management doctor after much dragging of my feet.

My advice to you would be simply not to use. If you're thinking about picking up again for the sole fact to "feed the monkey on your back," like Ho Chi Minh said your chances are VERY LOW of being successful. That monkey will strengthen at that point, regardless of whether your brain is actually continuing to recover in sobriety. My only point in regards to that is at some point the physical recovery of your mind ceases, you are sober, and left with a once addicted brain and your ability to make choices. It's at this stage that you either decide to live a different life or sadly, more commonly regress to your former addicted condition. Good luck... don't touch the dope.

This is so on point. I identified with everything you said here.

To the OP - worry about the rest or your life "one day at a time," as they say. In 5 years, if you've maintained your sobriety, you can always make that choice to pickup a bag of dope. For now, why not give yourself a BREAK, give yourself a CHANCE. Thinking long-term like that always led me to using harder and faster than before, it creates this mentality of "one last hoorah" that just results in perpetual heavy bingeing.

Good luck man - find what centers you, and stay in the center of it.

 

[PriestTheyCalledHim]

The same strong urge to return to "normal use" is what will eventually bring you back to addiction and dependence. It's statistically improbable for an opiate addict to mend their ways and just use occasionally, but stranger things happen everyday.

This. Don't even risk it.

To whoever is thinking of doing this:
Good luck, and stay safe.

 

[creeky]

Im certainly NOT a doctor and Im new to this website (this is my first post) but from MY experience the answer is yes. Yes with a huge grain of salt though. If you have already been addicted to it once common sense would dictate that you are prone to drug addiction therefore it can happen again, so be EXTREMELY careful. I kicked a 7 year oxy/heroin/any.painkiller.i.could.get.my.hands.on addiction cold turkey a few years back. I still get high every now and again, like when I have to pull a grueling 84 hour work week, or if I have plans to have sex (because it makes me last longer) What I try to do though is not buy more than I can consume in one day, and make sure to do it all up in one day. No saving one for breakfast the next morning, no saving any for when I have to clock in again, etc. Its hard sometimes and I will admit that I have once or twice broken my own rules but I always combat the urges with the vivid memories of the agonizing pain and mortal terror that is withdrawal and dt's. It may just be me and like I said earlier Im not a doctor armed with scientific facts but doing it this way seems to work for me. Best of luck to ya

 

[bobbyjones]

Im certainly NOT a doctor and Im new to this website (this is my first post) but from MY experience the answer is yes. Yes with a huge grain of salt though. If you have already been addicted to it once common sense would dictate that you are prone to drug addiction therefore it can happen again, so be EXTREMELY careful. I kicked a 7 year oxy/heroin/any.painkiller.i.could.get.my.hands.on addiction cold turkey a few years back. I still get high every now and again, like when I have to pull a grueling 84 hour work week, or if I have plans to have sex (because it makes me last longer) What I try to do though is not buy more than I can consume in one day, and make sure to do it all up in one day. No saving one for breakfast the next morning, no saving any for when I have to clock in again, etc. Its hard sometimes and I will admit that I have once or twice broken my own rules but I always combat the urges with the vivid memories of the agonizing pain and mortal terror that is withdrawal and dt's. It may just be me and like I said earlier Im not a doctor armed with scientific facts but doing it this way seems to work for me. Best of luck to ya

Hey thanks for your reply. You seem to be one of the rare few. Can you answer 4 questions for me?

1. How long after kicking your habit did you start occasional use?

2. How long has it been since you began this occasional use?

3. Are you talking about heroin or painkillers?

4. How much time (approx) goes by between your occasional doses and how do you feel in between?

Thanks.

 

[pbuilder]

IME it's almost like a switch got flipped after my first real opiate habit got going and I experience the same apathy you mentioned all the time when I'm not using; even after prolonged periods of abstinence, although it does get less powerful the longer I've been clean. But even after being clean for a year and using once, that apathy comes back and everything else becomes somewhat muted and I think this strange feeling is what stops me from ever keeping my opiate use "recreational". Like someone mentioned above I have been able to use intermittently and keep jobs/relationships which might make it seem recreational on the surface, but I would still obsess over my next chance to use and everything sucked in between those special days. So it might've seemed recreational to a casual observer but to me it felt emotionally like a full blown habit. I also wonder if this is significantly linked to altered brain chemistry or more because of my emotional and personal problems that I mostly self medicate for.

Dude I completely empathize with you! I get the exact same shit, it's insanity. I was clean got like 52 days and was productive for most of those days after the first 10 days if detoxing. But the second I relapsed, I literally felt like a switch in my brain was flicked off, and even though I've kept my use now to less then once every 10-14 days, on those days inbetween, my ambition for life is gone again, my drive and motivation is gone again, I too obsess over that next time I'll use, even though I can pick it up for 1 day and put it down the next, during those weeks I don't use while waiting for my next use, in my head, I'm like a bit different person. It's almost like I go, well what's the point in trying hard in life if I can't be high, I can't wait until I get high next. "Watches heroin documentaries and intervention episodes about heroin, and goes on fucking bluelight too much to check for heroin or opiate related threads to talk about heroin or give advice about heroin". It's really quite sick... People from the outside have no clue though either, but although I'm not an active junkie, it's like that brain mode has been switched on again from that first relapse.

 

[bobbyjones]

I feel like getting addicted to heroin opened a door that can never be closed. After a long time you can get it to a crack, but even then you have to constantly keep busy and fight it. Everything else seems to pale in comparison. I've been clean almost a year and a half. I dunno though, it might just be because it's summer but I am feeling more motivated lately to live positively. I've also met some people who've been clean a much longer time and say it does get easier.

 

[F1n1shed]

I've been able to go back to recreational many times, even for a long period of time, but eventually i always go back to addiction. I can say i've been able to stay away from the levels i was at long ago. I haven't involved myself with the insanity and desperation i was once at 15 years ago. I can now be an addict and live a healthy 'normal' life that i couldn't have imagined in the past.

This OP... this....

For someone who just tested this, it does not work OP. I was in rehab for 11 months, kept thinking of using. Kept thinking that i am not a complete fiend, i always had some kind of control rather than my junkie friends (true). So i decided to use when i got out of rehab.

I had my job , and i would use fri and Saturday. This lasted for a while, i then moved up to fri sat and Sunday. Now sometimes i would have a short day so i would use one day during the weekday + the week end. Anyways you get the idea... the urge always grows stronger and you will make more excuses to use more often. This brings me to my current phase, my job has moved states. And now i am using daily, it's like what the hell... i was controlling my use so i could function at work. But now that i don't have to work i have no reason to not use daily. Trust me , take it from someone who is currently testing your theory. It may work for a couple weeks... hell it may work for a couple of months if you have discipline like me. But if you keep it at , it WILL fall apart ... mark my words.

 

[thurston]

I'm new to being clean, but just let it go. Put it behind you, we can never do it recreationally. We will always be junkies even if it's been 10 years since our last high. Try to move on, think about it, it's not worth it.

 

[Rehabicable]

Do you ever just wish you could go back before the first time you tried strong opiates and started your first habit..
I do believe that i will never again be able to not think about heroin, there is definitely a switch that gets flipped in the brain after you first get addicted and it's like no matter what no matter how long you're clean or how "recreational" you think your habit is you can't forget how great it is that first dose of the day and everything else in life pales in comparison for me.

 

[dumakey1212]

LOL, the junkie owns his own business and makes six figures working for a record label. Hence why I quit being addicted to dope, hence why I'm not a junkie lol.

Sorry for being a prick, I've got a fucked up head to deal with and ought no right to take it out on anyone else over nothin

 

[dankhead88]

It can be successful briefly, but addiction will catch up quick. If you are, you're better off not doing it for a very long time while only using once. If you have quantity, you'll justify why you'd want to use it again so it would be better off buying the cheapest amount possible, but it will never be the same as your first few opiate use. It's better off not using at all.

 

[Mad Dash]

Do you ever just wish you could go back before the first time you tried strong opiates and started your first habit..
I do believe that i will never again be able to not think about heroin, there is definitely a switch that gets flipped in the brain after you first get addicted and it's like no matter what no matter how long you're clean or how "recreational" you think your habit is you can't forget how great it is that first dose of the day and everything else in life pales in comparison for me.

I spend almost an hour a day I wish I could go back in time knowing everything that I know now. Everything would be different. FML

 

[Orlando O. Ortega]

Used heroin one year (IV) then switched to pods, then vics, then dextromethorphan, then some beer, then off completely. Maybe a round-about-method but haven't touched heroin in four years. Also moved and relocated recently and it helps to live in an area where it's not typically seen or talked about. I understand your difficulty, it's hard to say goodbye.

 

[legaluser]

no, once i started abusing substances i think ill always abuse substances.

But with that being said, I can take my prescribed medicine as prescribed an use it therapeutically as well

But I think I'll always have that itch to get high maybe not all the time, but at least like once a week.

 

[Rehabicable]

My addict brain always thinks that its "different this time" and I'll be able to function this time. I have gone long periods using sparingly but eventually it always comes back hard. Now its like i would rather be clean than try to use recreationally because even on the off chance i manage to control it for a year i still am wasting a bunch of money on a drug that is doing nothing of substance in my life.
Sigh, in a perfect world though.