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GRIEF, revisited

Captain.Heroin

Captain.Heroin

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Nov 3, 2008
Messages
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No one would understand why Stephanie would continually blame herself, she knew, and no matter how much explaining to Trish or Shanea, no one would listen and really hear the words she said, and have had the effect she meant the words to have. This is my fault. I know it is. I would rather die than give into a lie or a delusion that this isn't my fault. Fuck you for telling me to forgive myself. There is no forgiveness. Fuck Jesus. Fuck your way of thinking. I will lash out at you, verbally, to no effect. If you try to drag me from the squalor I shouldn't shield myself from,
I WILL BEAT YOU
8.gif
 
NOTE: I wrote this as a part of my novel, but it's a philosophical extreme of the psychological construct of GRIEF.

This is how I've felt at times in my life, when I'm most frustrated and especially when I'm experiencing extreme loss.

<3

comments, etc. would be very appreciated :D
 
also "have had"; I think I know I have to edit this, but I'll be doing the editing process later.
 
true self-loathing comes from an acceptance that you are at the center of every event, moment, angry word, pill popped, track marked, life lost.. and that acceptance does NOTHING for you, because GRIEF is the toll we must pay for our trip to heaven, hell, and back. everything will *not* be okay, in fact it never will be again.

shoulder that burden, wear it like human being- one day it might turn into a shield :)
 
tocooperate said:
true self-loathing comes from an acceptance that you are at the center of every event, moment, angry word, pill popped, track marked, life lost.. and that acceptance does NOTHING for you, because GRIEF is the toll we must pay for our trip to heaven, hell, and back. everything will *not* be okay, in fact it never will be again.

shoulder that burden, wear it like human being- one day it might turn into a shield :)
Click to expand...

well said, thanks for sharing
 
Captain.Heroin said:
No one would understand why Stephanie would continually blame herself, she knew, and no matter how much explaining to Trish or Shanea, no one would listen and really hear the words she said, and have had the effect she meant the words to have. This is my fault. I know it is. I would rather die than give into a lie or a delusion that this isn't my fault. Fuck you for telling me to forgive myself. There is no forgiveness. Fuck Jesus. Fuck your way of thinking. I will lash out at you, verbally, to no effect. If you try to drag me from the squalor I shouldn't shield myself from,
I WILL BEAT YOU
8.gif
Click to expand...

I like that. Summed up how I feel at the moment.
 
Nice i like the approach you where going for and you nailed it.
 
I enjoyed that. It's nice to see in another's words how you feel, but cannot always say or express.
 
atreyaferret said:
I enjoyed that. It's nice to see in another's words how you feel, but cannot always say or express.
Click to expand...

Agreed. Thanks for the feedback <3

that's exactly why I'm writing what I am. A lot of people have these thoughts, and I wish to be able to have the world understand the depth of the human mind when we enter depression, etc.
 
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