Lost Going down a bad path

[Hezman94]

Had enough best friend died five years ago from pma overdose thought it was ecstacy we all took it soon as payday comes it's more fact of escaping and my head not thinkin but recently been sniffon coke which leads me to heroin if I can't get morphine ornoxys or methadone I promised myself no cocaine I shared two gram with my friend then had three points of rock had a horrible comedown got bipolar and bpd my head doesn't shut up my flat is a shithole I throw my fagsbon floor n then odd days I'll be like wtf sort yourself out get the flat cleaned and donut all again.
I can't enjoy anything at all even before opiatrs my headndoes not shut up even with antipsychotic medication quetiapine 200mg it does help tho as j go manic without it.
I'm a anxious mess but j feel like a killer or the fact I don't care if I live or die.
I would rather love and be happy and then die but I just can't stand nynehad.
Tried to stop cannabis. No much different just less lethargic depends on the strai. Though.
Lamotrogine helps alot

I can't stick to anything I just lie in my bed all day frrlin down when I go gym I lift the weights and my head goes stop what's the pointxritiwuig me every point. Alcohol helps but very bad depression next day.
I can't cope help

 

[Blowmonkey]

I'm sorry about your friend, pma is absolutely terrible.

my flat is a shithole I throw my fagsbon floor n then odd days I'll be like wtf sort yourself out get the flat cleaned and donut all again

What's the point of even cleaning right? :D It does keep you busy that way though.

 

[AlphaMethylPhenyl]

Seroquel can be prescribed up to 800mg, which is to say you're nor necessarily on a high dose.

But yea you're pummeling your brain with all that you're using, friend.

Lamictal is a mood stabilizer, as are depakote and lithium. Lithium is the "gold standard" for mood stabilizers; have you tried it before?

Never too late to get clean.

 

[Painful One]

I am sorry Hez.

It is a shitty life to live with a chronic and debilitating illness. I know.

Do the best you can mate. Please take care of yourself!

Sending you some love and a hug. ❤
hopefully I can get a smile out of you.