girl question..help me out :)

T

TraiN

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 26, 1999
Messages
227
ok... my gf currently broke up with me, it kills me not to talk to her, today was the first time i have talked to her sense,it made me feel a hell of alot better to talk to her,she still wants to hang out and i dunno if its safe just bcause i still have feelings for her and she don't have feelings for me "i guess" ......hmmmm, so the question is when would be a safe time to actually see her as a friend? i guess i just like being with her, and another question i have a date on friday
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should i keep that from her? or should i let her know? and i dunno if i'm doin this just to make her jealous i don't think that would be right for the girl i am seeing on friday but i have had a crush on her so....what should i do HELP!!!!!!!!
plz help me out guyz
you have b4
 
I am in the same boat. I am trying very hard to be friends with someone that I was seeing for a while. I have very strong feelings for him, but he has made it clear he will never want anything more then friendship. It is was real hard to hear...
In my situation though, we are such good friends, we get a long great, and he means the world to me. So investing in his friendship, and just his friendship, is something I am trying to do.
And it is working, because we both want it to work.
I would not tell her about your date. Things are too raw between the 2 of you to be sharing that kind of information. Be sensitive to eachother. It will work if you value eachother enough.
Let me know how things go...
 
Here's the dealie, yo?
Sorry to second guess you, Dazzle, but I think TraiN should have a conversation with his ex to try and establish terms of the break-up. Find out if she would want to know that you are seeing somebody. By the same token, let your ex know whether or not you wish to know of anyone she's dating. If you don't tell her anything and she finds out from another source, she may feel it is a breach of trust and think you are drifting apart. Likewise, if you just come out and tell her that you're going out this weekend, she may feel you are trying to make her jealous, regardless of the real motivation. Just ask her how much she really wants to know about your dating so nobody's feelings get tap-danced on (I know, poor sentence structure...anybody who thought that, go fuck yourself
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)).
As far as when to hang out with your ex, nobody on this board can answer that but you. You will know when it's not too painful to be near her without being with her. There is no set time, there is no set method. Give her a call every now and then and hang out. See how it feels. If the urges are still there, it's probably too early; if the pain is still there, it's too early; if you try to figure out ways to get back together, it's too early; if regret is still in the forefront of your mind...it's too early.
Everybody has an opinion on breaking up. I guess mine is this: I believe that a couple that breaks up needs time away from each other, not only to heal, but also to restablish their own identities outside of the context of the relationship. I don't mean to suggest that this is the route you should take...only the way I see things...and the way I see things is usually pretty fucked-up.
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So relax, enjoy yourself, and be respectful of everyone involved (including your date this Friday AND yourself). Don't plot, don't scheme, and keep the drama out of the equation. Good luck, TraiN...I hope it all turns out well for you.
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I will find humor in my everyday life by looking for people I can laugh at.
 
I pretty much agree with Mr Sticky,
From all of my friends and personal experience,
if either person is feeling even the least bit raw from a breakup, than its a really dangerous idea to try and stay friends right away. Why? Because you are so used to relying on each other as a best friend as well as a lover that you will not be able to see that line clearly until after you take some time and discover who you are as an individual without that person. So take a few weeks, hang out with friends, with yourself, go on dates etc. Give each other a break. If you are both meant to be friends (or get back together) you will find each other again in some form or another after you find yourself.
As for the date, really you should be able to go on dates and not have to deal with her reaction. Not that I wouldn't be supa upset too if my ex went on a date right away, but the cold hard truth is that you have every right to date other people and not justify yourself to her right now. Thats what friends do, and thats really why its better not to be friends right away because you can't just treat each other like friends. There's a pretty good chance that you are going on this date to make her jelous, or miss you, whaterver... but you have to figure out that on your own.
good luck,
 
1. It's real hard to just all of a sudden be only friends after you've had a relationship with someone. Try to just be acquaintances and then see if you can work that back into a friendship.
1.5 On the same note, when you hang out with her have a couple other mutual friends there, sometimes a thrid party can make things run a little smoother. You won't start talking about stuff that will hurt you or the other person.
2. Tell her about your date (if the subject comes up), part of being somebodies friend is letting them know whats going on in your life, not hiding it. If the relationship is really over there should be no problem seeing other people.
3. I know this is a bullshit statement, but you gotta move on, I know people who just ended a relationship hate hearing this. I've moved on and I've folund a new love and I couldn't be happier right now, I'm happier than I was in my previous relationship because of everything I learned, I feel this one will be bigger and better and so far I'm right.
Hope everythin werks out fer ya.
PLUR
- Goose
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IMOKRUOK - Roll On Roll Off
 
*breaks out the BIG BIG BIG book of cheesy old clichés*
ahem... "honesty is the best policy"
I think that if you are to remein friends with her, you have be open and honest about EVERYTHING, talk to her about the breakup, about how you feel now, about what is going on with you, EVERYTHING... Maybe that is just the way that I am... who knows. I find that if you are open and honest about the way you feel, about her, about your "date" about everything, that everyone involved will feel a little better.
Sometimes keeping information from someone, even if you think you are doing it for thier own good, leaves someone feeling cheated later, when they find out.
secondly, I think that since SHE broke up with YOU I think that you have very right to be seeing someone else, and she should be HAPPY for you... since you are supposed to be friends.
and like Mr. Sticky said, only YOU know when it is too much. if you start feeling that way, don't make excuses, just say "I can't do this right now." or something to that effect.
I wish you luck with everything. and keep us posted!!
=P
 
thanks guys for all the help, i don't feel i should tell her about my date yet...its been less than a week
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....but i need to move on i can't wait for her to say lets see each other again *crosses fingers* . Her last relationship was fucked up, guy threatend to kill her and he went to jail, and think she just might have not been ready for a GOOD relationship yet (i figure this just because she gave me a dumb answer for breaking it off)
thanks again i will remain talking with her, but i will not hang out for a few weeks thanks alot guys
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TraiN
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"It's only a bad night if you can remeber, if you can't remeber it must have been PhAt"....
"In the begining there was house music,and house music had its own groove, and from this groove came the groove of all grooves, but one day some dj's declared LET THIS HOUSE BE PROGRESIVE , and progresive house was born."
 
I kinda understand what you are going through. My g/f and i havnt talked in a while plus i havnt seen her for almost a month. Im not too sure what is going on but from what ive heard she had really really bad relationships, and i mean BAD! and also she's afraid to get close to anyone cuz of it. But i would never ever hurt her and i wish i could tell her that but i dont think she wants to hear about it or even talk about it. So i was thinking about calling her today to find out whats going on and im afraid that today it will be "over"
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It hurts me like hell but as someone else posted here: even if you dont beleive it, you WILL find someone and you will be happy once again.
About telling her about yr date, i dont think she will mind, cuz this has happend to me twice. It didnt bother me that he got a g/f right after. Infact i was very happy for him.
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~~}<>>>*I wish I were a raver*<<<<>{~~
 
I kinda understand what you are going through. My g/f and i havnt talked in a while plus i havnt seen her for almost a month. Im not too sure what is going on but from what ive heard she had really really bad relationships, and i mean BAD! and also she's afraid to get close to anyone cuz of it. But i would never ever hurt her and i wish i could tell her that but i dont think she wants to hear about it or even talk about it. So i was thinking about calling her today to find out whats going on and im afraid that today it will be "over"
frown.gif
It hurts me like hell but as someone else posted here: even if you dont beleive it, you WILL find someone and you will be happy once again.
About telling her about yr date, i dont think she will mind, cuz this has happend to me twice. It didnt bother me that he got a g/f right after. Infact i was very happy for him.
take care
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~~}<>>>*I wish I were a raver*<<<<>{~~
 
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