Ghosting

[gingertabby]

Everytime i've been the victim or the perpetrator, it's always like these 2 cases:
I know what i did and they don't need to justify not wanting to talk to me (or vice versa) but it might still hurt regardless.

And, when they just do it out of nowhere, for no apparent reason, nothing wrong was happening between us, yet they left without a word, sometimes even preventing me from contacting them in any way, or never replying to my attempts.

I am obviously talking about people who were really close and important to me, not just random friends or acquaintances that never had much relevant experiences with me. That's why it hurts me so much to think that i was not even worth an explanation to them, or that everything we shared was never real or important for them.
Honestly, even tho i been guilty of ghosting, i don't remember ever doing it like that. Only did it when they knew, or should have known what they did...
And even then, when they pestered me enough, i ended up giving an explanation, even if they didn't deserve jack shit.

Have you ever ghosted someone for reasons you thought were justifiable, or if you've done it like in the second case i described, what exactly went thru your mind, if anything at all...?

Edit: just added something.

 

[gordonliddy]

Looks like nobody else is taking the bait? Oh well, so here's a story for you.

A few years ago this girl I was seeing tried to get me to hang out with this dude that she was bro's with, and on the surface he was fun. He and I liked to go out to drink and get into hijinks, so on paper it was a match made in heaven.

Early on though he started to get annoying, and then soon things came to a head when he tried to enlist my help on ...stealing some other dude's girl? Like I'm not exactly a moral guy or anything but this made my stomach crawl. So when I cut off the friendship it was without explanation. My judgement was that letting him know why I was dropping him would only make it easier to hide the fact that he was a scum bag.

Sorry, that's probably not the exact situation that you're going through, but it's the first one that came to mind.

 

[foodcrisis]

anybody that's just stopped talking to me out of now where i assume is because they want to better their lives with out drugs and they know i'm always using. or they were people that were worried about my mental health and didn't want to keep dealing to me.

the only time i ever ghosted some one was this girl i knew who was two years older than me in school. she was a fat red head to be frank and when i first met her in fifth grade i was freaked out by her, but as i went through puberty i got more into her. i was one of the only other white people on our bus so she always used to sit near me. she'd wear goth scents of perfume and marilyn manson shirts. i wasn't really that into her at first, and i don't think she wanted to lead on that she was trying to be friends with younger dudes for possible romance, not even sure if that was the case, but i always thought that's what she was doing... anyways, she had an older boyfriend in high school and he ended up buying alcohol for me sometimes.. a couple years after that i hadn't seen her in a while and she was asking me about weed, so i didn't have any to sell so i smoked a blunt with her. we were driving around and she needed to stop at a store, so i waited in the car... after a few minutes in the car thinking i was like " i want to go some where and bang her, but i feel like i don't want to cheat on her boyfriend." so not really thinking i just got out of her car, left her and walked home with out saying anything to her... like i was attracted to her, but already kind of still with a girl but not necessarily in a commited relationship, so i was really prude to just start banging multiple people... i definitely did the wrong thing. i probably confused her when she was high wondering where i was... i always thought to go to her house and apologize to her. there was one time when i was tripping on acid and i wanted to go to her house and put the moves on her a few years later, but that never happened. i ended up fantasizing about her while tripping. hopefully maybe some day this gets to her why i left. it wasn't anything she did really other than being hot but not being the girl i wanted to commit myself too. i was totally immature and not thinking. i just wanted out of the situation.. too much commitment and stuff. i wanted a smaller girlfriend too and she was fat and my height, so i felt like if i got in a relationship with her i would be screwing myself in the future... i figured walking away from her would be as bad as not putting the moves on her... i don't know. definitely did the wrong thing... i can see getting comments calling me a piece of shit. lol

i also got hit by a car like two weeks after this. i've always thought maybe i was gang stalked and purposely hit because i've done a couple of other not so great things to people... i'll never really know.. still kind of feels like karma.

i bet i will be the poster with the biggest dick head ghosting story.

 

[gingertabby]

Looks like nobody else is taking the bait? Oh well, so here's a story for you.

A few years ago this girl I was seeing tried to get me to hang out with this dude that she was bro's with, and on the surface he was fun. He and I liked to go out to drink and get into hijinks, so on paper it was a match made in heaven.

Early on though he started to get annoying, and then soon things came to a head when he tried to enlist my help on ...stealing some other dude's girl? Like I'm not exactly a moral guy or anything but this made my stomach crawl. So when I cut off the friendship it was without explanation. My judgement was that letting him know why I was dropping him would only make it easier to hide the fact that he was a scum bag.

Sorry, that's probably not the exact situation that you're going through, but it's the first one that came to mind.

Well thats not a bad justification in my opinion. Maybe if he were a considerate person it woulda been good to tell him why you left because he might have done some self reflection... If he never conatcted you after, maybe he knows why you left, meaning he prolly knows that what he wanted to do was not ok
Thats all i can think of that right now
But if you two had a good connection and shared many things together, maybe in his eyes you were an asshole or something despite knowing why you left or not.

 

[gingertabby]

anybody that's just stopped talking to me out of now where i assume is because they want to better their lives with out drugs and they know i'm always using. or they were people that were worried about my mental health and didn't want to keep dealing to me.

the only time i ever ghosted some one was this girl i knew who was two years older than me in school. she was a fat red head to be frank and when i first met her in fifth grade i was freaked out by her, but as i went through puberty i got more into her. i was one of the only other white people on our bus so she always used to sit near me. she'd wear goth scents of perfume and marilyn manson shirts. i wasn't really that into her at first, and i don't think she wanted to lead on that she was trying to be friends with younger dudes for possible romance, not even sure if that was the case, but i always thought that's what she was doing... anyways, she had an older boyfriend in high school and he ended up buying alcohol for me sometimes.. a couple years after that i hadn't seen her in a while and she was asking me about weed, so i didn't have any to sell so i smoked a blunt with her. we were driving around and she needed to stop at a store, so i waited in the car... after a few minutes in the car thinking i was like " i want to go some where and bang her, but i feel like i don't want to cheat on her boyfriend." so not really thinking i just got out of her car, left her and walked home with out saying anything to her... like i was attracted to her, but already kind of still with a girl but not necessarily in a commited relationship, so i was really prude to just start banging multiple people... i definitely did the wrong thing. i probably confused her when she was high wondering where i was... i always thought to go to her house and apologize to her. there was one time when i was tripping on acid and i wanted to go to her house and put the moves on her a few years later, but that never happened. i ended up fantasizing about her while tripping. hopefully maybe some day this gets to her why i left. it wasn't anything she did really other than being hot but not being the girl i wanted to commit myself too. i was totally immature and not thinking. i just wanted out of the situation.. too much commitment and stuff. i wanted a smaller girlfriend too and she was fat and my height, so i felt like if i got in a relationship with her i would be screwing myself in the future... i figured walking away from her would be as bad as not putting the moves on her... i don't know. definitely did the wrong thing... i can see getting comments calling me a piece of shit. lol

i also got hit by a car like two weeks after this. i've always thought maybe i was gang stalked and purposely hit because i've done a couple of other not so great things to people... i'll never really know.. still kind of feels like karma.

i bet i will be the poster with the biggest dick head ghosting story.

Nah that's forreal not that terrible haha, especially if you were both high and just messing around, but definitely worth an apology to her maybe... At least you now recognise that all those ideas you had were immature and woulda caused harm to others, even if you were high and stuff.
I talk to people who are really being gangstalked and trust me it is an absolute nightmare, like you would be begging everyone for help and no one would believe you...
Idk what other stuff u say u did but about this one u shouldn't think so horribly of yourself, not saying it was not bad but i'm sure someone here will have stories that are really worthy of being called a dickhead. I have more than a few, but thankfully i was not to blame.

Also, literally ghosting someone who was close to you or loved you because of their mental health or drug problems is a shitty thing to do, so if those people were once close to you, they were never worth your time.

 

[SoCalShordie]

I’ve definitely ghosted people in the past when I was a piece of shit. It’s definitely a really horrible thing to do to someone.

 

[pharaoh]

I'm ashamed to say that I've done it because I was cheating (even though we'd "broken up") and so a couple of times I had a short fling and then basically had to block. I haven't read through this thread and I will but I imagine it's a common reason. I didn't really feel bad about it as there was no plan for anything and it's not like we were getting together but I suppose being on the receiving end must be shit. In my case, the woman I "ghosted" was seeing at least one other r guy anyway but when she told me, she was telling me as if she felt bad but I told her not to. So in a way I didn't have to feel bad.

Anyway, I reckon a lot of ghosting happens when the person is looking for something whilst in a relationship, or in affairs. But I'm sure there are other reasons such as getting rid of psychos, especially for women.

 

[gingertabby]

I'm ashamed to say that I've done it because I was cheating (even though we'd "broken up") and so a couple of times I had a short fling and then basically had to block. I haven't read through this thread and I will but I imagine it's a common reason. I didn't really feel bad about it as there was no plan for anything and it's not like we were getting together but I suppose being on the receiving end must be shit. In my case, the woman I "ghosted" was seeing at least one other r guy anyway but when she told me, she was telling me as if she felt bad but I told her not to. So in a way I didn't have to feel bad.

Anyway, I reckon a lot of ghosting happens when the person is looking for something whilst in a relationship, or in affairs. But I'm sure there are other reasons such as getting rid of psychos, especially for women.

Eh, i dont think thats too terrible either, since they prolly understood what was up... When it's shit to be on the receiving end is when you somehow thought they were close to you or something

 

[gingertabby]

I’ve definitely ghosted people in the past when I was a piece of shit. It’s definitely a really horrible thing to do to someone.

It 100% depends, sometimes they even deserve it.

 

[moonyham]

The times I've ghosted people like how you describe, a 'good friend' or even family, it's because of their mental state and attitude. Like if I was to come forward and tell them why I don't want to see them it's because I know it would cause problems, probably the kind of problems/attitude I'm trying to get away from by ghosting them.

That's as a grown adult that I feel is pretty well developed socially at this point. As a teenager and young adult, I ghosted people without explanation just cause I was a self centered dick head that didn't think much about the consequences and how others feel from my actions. Some people never grow past this either, don't have to be young as such.

Like I ghosted some absolute gems. Beautiful, kind, caring girls that deserved nothing but a good dude. But yeah, I was chasing pussy left and right and didn't care because I just didn't think much. I still feel bad about it to this day.

 

[Mr. Krinkle]

i ghosted a few girls in my late teens and early 20s but i stopped doing that after realizing it was pretty shitty of me and i felt bad about it later


now i don't normally give up on any of my friends and a lot of my friends comment how im still around while others aren't - i may not talk to somebody for a couple years too but i'll usually reappear and say whats up


things change as you age

 

[gingertabby]

The times I've ghosted people like how you describe, a 'good friend' or even family, it's because of their mental state and attitude. Like if I was to come forward and tell them why I don't want to see them it's because I know it would cause problems, probably the kind of problems/attitude I'm trying to get away from by ghosting them.

That's as a grown adult that I feel is pretty well developed socially at this point. As a teenager and young adult, I ghosted people without explanation just cause I was a self centered dick head that didn't think much about the consequences and how others feel from my actions. Some people never grow past this either, don't have to be young as such.

Like I ghosted some absolute gems. Beautiful, kind, caring girls that deserved nothing but a good dude. But yeah, I was chasing pussy left and right and didn't care because I just didn't think much. I still feel bad about it to this day.

Now that i remember, the only time i regret ghosting someone was this autistic girl, absolute gem too, but when i tried to contact her again it didn't work. I understood so i stopped bothering her. I think it's always good to try and apologise. U might feel better after even if they dont forgive u.

 

[crazyhairman]

I think a lot of us can rationalize our own reasons why we do things or don't do things in this matter.

I've ghosted people plenty of people I didn't do it maliciously to hurt them. I didn't do it to mess with their psyche. Some days I struggle with my own mental fortitude. I might stop talking to someone because I'm fearful of being hurt by them at some point. I might just lose interest All kind of centers around my struggle with depression.