Get over your first love?

[Robv5]

Basically i just broke up with my first girlfriend, well 1 month ago,
And when I say first I mean she was the first date I went on first kiss the first everything aha ,
And everyday I'm thinking about her and getting upset, like will it ever stop?
I still lover and will give anything to have her back because we split on unfair circumstances and that's the worst part,
And some people say get a rebound etc but that's impossible with social anxiety
We only got together because she came onto me lol now I seem destined to be alone forever in a sense.
Perhaps insecure people with SAD don't have relationships

 

[Bearlove]

You probably thought you were going to be alone forever before you met this girl ? You both have split up, if it was going to be fixable you would have probably fixed it so you have to accept that its over. Don't think that was your 'only' chance at happiness though.

It's natural to get upset when you lose a partner but it does get better, for some people it can be a quick process but for others it may take longer. Best thing you can do is get out and about, don't sit and dwell on the breakup or this will just make you feel sad.

If you have social anxiety are you seeking help? Do you not chat online with people who share similar interests as you?

 

[Trying2Iso]

I was EXACTLY LIKE YOU
and trust me it turned opposite for me. I have no desire left for my first anymore... she kinda makes me sick
anyway...
girls string me out all the time fuck

 

[Bearlove]

I was EXACTLY LIKE YOU
and trust me it turned opposite for me. I have no desire left for my first anymore... she kinda makes me sick
anyway...
girls string me out all the time fuck

Leave her then ! Whats the point of being with a person who 'makes you sick' ?

 

[dopemaster]

Who? I have no clue who my first love was.

Well I have gotten a bit hung up on past relationships. Usually after you break off a relationship, especially if its a long one, it may take a bit of time to get over. If you meet someone new, that feeling usually fades faster.

I find the only time I ever think about ex gfs is when I am lonely. The love I thought I felt for them was mostly just lust. Looking back, some of the women I thought were the best for me were really kind of bitchy. Its natural to miss sex, intimacy, and having someone. You can fall in love with the idea of being in love.

My last serious GF represented a lot more to me than she was. At first I thought she was a good catch and we could have a life together. Well after a month and half her personality really changed and she got kinda emotionally dependent and that was really the real her. She was a demanding and selfish person. I wanted to please her, but after a while she just kind of became more trouble than she was worth.

The thing about her was when we met we were both in school and almost off drugs. Her addiction started progressing and that thing is really bad for relationships. I was trying to get clean. So well I ended up using with her and when we would break up, which was rather often I would go on binges. Then it really hit me that this woman was making me miserable.

I don't know why, but I thought she was my shot at happiness for a long time. She was very beautiful and came from a good Christian family and tbph I never really dated a woman with a even halfway functional or loving family and/or wasn't straight up white trash. The whole thing about her having two parents and going to church seemed really appealing. I never had much family interaction when I was younger and certainly had never gone to church before I met her.

I figured if she was very spiritual she could work her problems out. Even though it didn't work out I dated her about seven months. I dated a few women after her, but she was a tough one to get over.

I have gotten hung up on women before and its natural to miss someone after you breakup, but life goes on and you find someone new and better. Dating is kind of a learning process and you learn something from each relationship. So everyone gets broken hearted but its best just to move on and not pine over a woman you cant have or isn't really that good for you.

My sister for example had her heart broke in college and hasn't really had a serious boyfriend since. She rarely ever dates and is an old spinster. She is one bitter bitch. That's what happens if you cannot let go of the past. She is an extreme case and was probably already messed up in the head before that, but still my sister was/is beautiful and intelligent and the only thing holding her back is herself. She will probably die alone.

 

[Mr.Scagnattie]

Yeah, man it ends. Time heals all.. as corny as that sounds, but it's true. One day you'll just wake up and realize you don't care anymore.

Keep busy in the meantime and maybe go get laid to lift your spirits, ha.

 

[verso]

It took me forever to get over my first, and it was a real, real difficult time in my life; I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, became so incredibly depressed, and nothing seemed to help. I was hospitalized for a time, and I only started feeling better about the whole thing maybe eight months later, eight or nine months...

I wouldn't say that I was entirely over it for at least a year and a half or so... yeah it was pretty brutal. I'm not hung up on her anymore, but I've never been able to recapture that first naive, head-over-heels sort of love with any of the girlfriends after her... so, that kind of sucks, kind of really sucks.

 

[llama112]

For some people, it takes a really long time. For others... not so much. It's only been a month. You can read tons of forums and it has taken them longer. A month seems perfectly fine.

You are NOT destined to be alone forever, unless that's what you want. But it doesn't seem like it. You will find someone. It can take a while to find a good match, especially if you're shy. But that's okay. When the right person comes along, it'll work.

Make sure you keep yourself busy. That'll keep you occupied.

 

[Giog]

For some people, it takes a really long time. For others... not so much. It's only been a month. You can read tons of forums and it has taken them longer. A month seems perfectly fine.

You are NOT destined to be alone forever, unless that's what you want. But it doesn't seem like it. You will find someone. It can take a while to find a good match, especially if you're shy. But that's okay. When the right person comes along, it'll work.

Make sure you keep yourself busy. That'll keep you occupied.

What in the world? A month? I can't even get over a goldfish dying in a month. How damn crude are you guys? It will take me at LEAST a year to properly get over a girl I loved.

 

[Survival0200]

Perhaps insecure people with SAD don't have relationships

Yeah, life sucks.

 

[pofacedhoe]

if she came onto you then the part that is missing from your future love behaviours is the bit where you get off your ass and go after what you want.

a good way to deal with social anxiety is to look around at the people beside you and think "do i give a shit what these people think?" i mean whats the worst thing that can happen when you talk to people? they ignore you/reject you/ scream abuse at you? lets be honest no-one is going to scream abuse at you.

i lost a lot of anxiety when i worked in airport security. that is socially stressful but sometimes in life a job you hate with awkward interactions can develop your skills quite remarkably.

you can easily find love but you must work on the part of you that will start to take risks. if not maybe try plenty of fish.

anyone can get over any love and move on but they have to acknowledge the problem/look for a solution and implement a strategy for dealing with the inevitable emotional reactions they will have from time to time, even if that means cutting themselves away from all triggers.

 

[llama112]

What in the world? A month? I can't even get over a goldfish dying in a month. How damn crude are you guys? It will take me at LEAST a year to properly get over a girl I loved.

First, it has only been a month for the OP. I'm not saying it should take a month, I'm saying it's fine that it has taken a month so far. I never said it should take a month. There is no set time to "getting over someone".

I got over my "first love" in less than a week. I was with him for three years. He's a good guy but I got over him quickly. I don't see any point in wasting time "getting over someone" for a year.

 

[Mr.Scagnattie]

I don't see any point in wasting time "getting over someone" for a year.

Amen to that. There are always more people out there.. nobody is worth being a wreck and all depressed about for a year.

 

[Robv5]

Cheers for all this help guys, what made it hard was because I lost my job and visa as well at the same time, and if anyone know about been in Australia from the uk, I was about to get a 457 visa to allow me stay in the country for 4 years, and the stress of that got a bit much so I went home while the visa was been processed, but when I got back me n the gf split, then I get told I've lost my job, and the visa that came with it , my head was doomed and I didn't get a job for 3 weeks so I literally sat destroying my head with my own thoughts, but I went to the doctors and I need 6 sessions with a psychologist and he's gave me Valium.
If the Valium does to help with SA , because its helped heal my mind, honestly yesterday was the first day I could close my eyes and relax, it was amazing
I have a new job now witht the same visa been processed and life is looking good,
And it may seem sad but I joined onto plenty of fish and oasis active and talked to a few people and its looking good,
Like facts no the relationship wasn't working but my heart was clasping onto something.
Sorry for the essay guys haha jut appreciate all your help

 

[Giog]

First, it has only been a month for the OP. I'm not saying it should take a month, I'm saying it's fine that it has taken a month so far. I never said it should take a month. There is no set time to "getting over someone".

I got over my "first love" in less than a week. I was with him for three years. He's a good guy but I got over him quickly. I don't see any point in wasting time "getting over someone" for a year.

Ah, I misunderstood you. You also make an excellent point. Maybe I'm misrepresenting the situation. By getting over someone I mean almost forgetting them and I'm starting to realize that is impossible. You've made me rethink about my behaviors. Now that I think about it, It doesn't take me a year to get over someone. It probably takes me a couple of weeks. However, I don't really "forget" people and I think that I will always miss my exes and the good times. That's normal though.

 

[stormcharger]

What in the world? A month? I can't even get over a goldfish dying in a month. How damn crude are you guys? It will take me at LEAST a year to properly get over a girl I loved.

Who cares about a goldfish dying?

 

[verso]

I don't see any point in wasting time "getting over someone" for a year.

Then clearly you've learned how not to let your heart rule your head and, instead, have learned the very opposite, how to expand and contract your own thoughts, feelings and emotions for a person, how to grow only so attached and then to grow apart in an instant; and that's truly admirable because people like that tend to have an easier time at life...

It's a tough thing to do, though, and most of us may never learn to do it, to keep our feelings in check, to make that switch from heart > head to head > heart.