Former moderate opioid user for depression spiraled into reckless IV coke use. Scared

[Bree25!]

I began using opioids in moderate dosages when I suddenly had complete access to them when I realized I took some for psi and I noticed I became a happier person. A traumatic marital crisis ruined me emotionally ando had not been happy and as nice until they came into my life. Used for about a year and a half, didn't even realize I was addicted until I went out of town and found myself at the bitter end of a nightmare withdrawal. So I taperedbut used steadily. Then my husband began having a lot of coke suddenly for whatever reason. I decided to dabble as we shared this fun and we kinda grew closer. (He never knew about the pills) Ok long story short, I got hooked, fast. I would take some without him knowing, finding stashes, doing it at work, just all the time. Then I realized in a 2 month span my nose had gone to shit. It was raw, almost a hole in left nostril. So just as I decided I would stop that shit, literally my world fell apart. My son moved out for good reasons but I can't cope with his absence, I quit my job because I was a mess emotionally and it was then I realized I had not hardly touched my pills since the coke came in. I thought, that's how I'll get off of them w/out withdrawals, because I would no longer have access to them. But my nose? I get the stupidest idea to try coke Iv. Yep. One month almost,I'm a junkie, prepare my syringes for wherever I go. Haven't worn a short sleeve in a month and if my husband saw me he would be so ashamed, like I was of him. Is there a way back? I'm up for days, recklessly pushing the limits, it's as if I have a death wish. How do I fix this, I love numbing my pain. And it's always here, free. I'm hopeless. I don't want to die like this, but I'm getting so good at it I'm afraid there is no turning back... can anyone help? Advice at least.

 

[vancity]

there is a way out, but finding the motivation to truly take the appropriate steps is very difficult. For me it took many near death experiences and complete deterioration of my life and hitting rock bottom. I started out like you, sort of hidden. But those days end very quickly as addictions to IV coke and heroin get worse and worse and worse. Soon after living like you are now i was shooting up behind dumpsters in allies, robbing people, showering once a month, and homeless, and Im a rich man.... However, I got out, and have been for 3 years. My advice to you is rehab/treatment first. Once you complete your stay in in-patient treatment go live in a halfway house for at least 6 months. Go to NA or AA meetings about every day. get a sponsor, and work the steps. Most of all, be patient, because my life, even though sober, was still not great until about year 1. If your not willing to make committments such as these, my experience in the sober world has shown that you will most likely fail (as in die of an overdose, or continue to get high, or end up in jail or prison). Dont mean to sound harsh, but thats the reality of the beast of addiction. PM me if you have any questions but get started now!

 

[Cdkman]

Yes there is a way out..take a deep breath and think about the future..what do u think it will be like? Will u be a homeless junkie or a loving mother or even grandmother..if all u plan and dream about is drugs than all u will be is a drug addict..if u think about how u can be a better person or how u can make your sons future more secure then u will find yourself in a better place..what u think about is what u become

..u have the power to stop this cycle whenever u want to..your mind and body wants the drugs but your spirit,the real you, wants to break free and live peacefully.it will not be easy but by taking small steps to better your life it will be manageable..start by cutting down your usage,like if u do 4 shots a day start doing 3..then cut down dosage..try to find a hobby that u enjoy or start reading books

u can do this,I really believe if u give it your all u will come out the other side happy and sober..also Kratom is perfect for any withdrawal really but it is an opiate and is being banned on the 30th..its just something to take the edge off but cold turkey is the way to go if u wana get rid of the drugs for good

 

[Ilove2nod]

I was extremely addicted to smoking crack and shooting coke for years! Everyday after work, I would usually get a lot of tips as I was a server in an expensive and busy resturaunt at the time.. I would be able to go the first half the day without really wanting it too bad, then like clockwork every time I got off work I would go spend every bit of my tip money on powder and crack and get so fucked up on coke... I would be doing it for hours on end taking a hit of crack, then shooting coke, then smoking more crack, and so on... taking benzos like klonopin and valium in between to keep me from getting too edgy and paranoid, and to ease the comedown, basically I was a poly drug addict to coke and benzos and couldn't stop... until I started slacking off at my job, always wanting to leave early after I had made enough tips to go get some shit... and I got fired. After that, I started to realize how bad I had gotten and I had no money to support my habit so I was forced to stop using it, and just took my prescribed meds without it but that only lasted so long until I got more money again, and I kept battling coke addiction on and off, as I had relapsed like 2 more times with 2 more jobs I had after that one, spending every penny I made on coke/crack. I was just wilding out on that shit... staying up all night, going to work all strung out, and I ended up quitting my jobs because I knew I needed to stop, and luckily I had my parents to help me, which I was and still am so thankful for!! I would have been dead or homeless for sure without the help of my family.. I currently have FINALLY learned to be a recreational user!!! I had a revalation of sorts and knew it was time to slow down... so I only do coke like 2x a month these days, if that.. I can live without it.. its the one of the most mentally addicting things out there when its IV or smoked, for sure! Almost ruined my life many many times!! I hope you can find a way to at least slow down, and just get off it or do it occasionally as I after many attempts and fails have learned to do! It feels so much better now, just using it recreationally.. but if you can stop completely by all means go for it! Good luck to you!