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forgive and forget? but i cant.

hazeymate

hazeymate

Greenlighter
Joined
Nov 30, 2014
Messages
18
I asked my boyfriend a year ago if he ever imagined he was having sex with someone else when we were having sex. He admitted he did once with a girl i was kind of friends with. He said he immediately lost his erection and hasnt done that since. A year later i still cant stand the thought of her...i saw him looking at her facebook photos again and i am still very jealous and insecure about this. What to do? I talk to him about it but he just says hes "not actually doing anything" or "not doing anything wrong"
How do i let this go?
 
Most if not all people do that. Also, this is why you shouldn't ask questions you don't want to know the answer to..
 
Mmhmm, it's sometimes really tough to get over things like that. You could kindly ask him to just disassociate with her since it's still bothering you a year later. But also, you should explore why you feel so jealous about this.
 
I asked him to do that. He was understanding and easy going about it. Im not sure why i feel so jealous about it. I know Im insecure and therefore also jealous..i try my best to be mindful but im not sure how to stop the feeling
 
I don't know how you'd go about letting this go, but I think you really should, it's not at all uncommon, it doesn't mean anything. He's not with her, he's with you. Imagining someone else why having sex with your partner doesn't mean you really want to be with that other person, or that you'd rather be having sex with them. Ive imagined a guy I know while having sex with my bf, it's just a fantasy thing, I know who I love and I have no intention whatsoever of cheating or leaving him for the guy I imagined, or anyone else. It's just fantasy stuff.
 
The fact that he's looking at her FB photos sends up a huge red flag to me tho.
 
nuttynutskin said:
The fact that he's looking at her FB photos sends up a huge red flag to me tho.
Click to expand...

Maybe, it probably depends if he's the kind of person that would normally do that, and in what way he was looking.
 
He goes on fb and will click on profiles of the people you may know section and he does just click and look through other people profiles but it bothers me that it's her and he has looked at her pics more than once. And i noticed he rebrowses this other girls profile pics too. It makes my stomach turn.
 
I get the whole don't ask questions you don't want to know the answers to thing, but in a situation such as this, he could have at least had the decency to not tell you that. Honesty is crucial in a relationship sure, but if you really love and care about someone else's feelings then you do not say that. You just don't. And if I were in your situation, especially with the guy looking at her facebook pictures, I would leave him, especially if he isn't willing to stop when he knows how much it is hurting you.

He sounds like an ass.
 
I didn't mean to sound insensitive in my previous post OP and I'm sorry.

If he stalks her profile then yeah, something's up. Confront him about it in a civil manner.. He will lie. But let him know you're onto him.
 
SluttyPeach said:
I didn't mean to sound insensitive in my previous post OP and I'm sorry.

If he stalks her profile then yeah, something's up. Confront him about it in a civil manner.. He will lie. But let him know you're onto him.
Click to expand...

I can totally understand feeling this way about your significant other - I would be jealous too. But just saying, I stalk the hell out of some girls' profiles because I find them attractive, but if given the chance, I wouldn't cheat with them. I just like to look at their new pictures. Creepy? Maybe. Cheating intentions? Nope.

Best not to ask questions like this. People's minds are very vast, I would raise doubt to anyone who said they didn't think about other people while boning their significant other. It doesn't mean you will bone that other person if given the chance, it just means they passed in your thoughts, ya know?
 
Yep, this is perfectly normal and I do not consider it cheating. Things considered to be cheating are:

Excessive flirting (not the harmless passive kind)
Paying more attention to the third party than your partner
Sexual touching (not a friendly hug/handshake)
Hanging out with the third party, behind their SOs back, with less than innocent intentions (sex)

It's not always this cut and dried as there certainly is a grey area, but some people consider just looking as cheating which to me screams INSECURE. Feeling a bit jealous at times is normal but if it's an everyday problem and your partner really isn't doing anything wrong, it will damage the relationship.

By the way, talking to someone isn't cheating either. I'll never understand why people get so upset about that unless of course he talks to the third party more than his gf. That is what's considered "emotional infidelity"

This being said, I'm not making light of your frustrations. Maybe if you let him know it hurts your feelings when he scopes out other women online he will stop, or at least not do it in front of you. That's called respect.
 
He doesn't do it in front of me. But we talked and hes just blocking her so her profile doesn't show up anymore. And im not asking questions i dont wanna know the answer to anymore. I dont consider this cheating just putting that out there. I can totally be insecure and i am just upfront with it to hopefully one day not be insecure.
 
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