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For Someone Who has Rolled 50+ Times - I wouldn't touch it again for $50,000

S

StayFarAway

Greenlighter
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Mar 22, 2015
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Only creating this account to make this post and to spread some sort of awareness as I wish someone did the same for me.

I am 25yrs old now and started rolling when I was 18 years old. I wasn't reckless, only doing it once every 3-4 weeks but I did it for about 2 years straight. If I had to guess I would have said I've taken anywhere from 60-100 pills and been to 20+ raves. If someone offered me a pill to take right now for $50,000 I honestly would say hell no. I feel I have done so much irreversible damage to my brain and not sure if i'll ever recover to be honest.

Main symptoms? Memory.

My memory isn't even a memory anymore. I never took any other drugs, I don't smoke, no history of memory loss in family, and just an occasional drinker. I always took 5HTP when rolling but it's all a hoax. I re-watch movies now not even knowing i've seen it before until halfway through. I couldn't tell you what I did last weekend cuz I have no idea.

Hopefully this post can shed some light to some of you, I was a partyer in high school and college and like many always felt E didn't really have any side effects on me. During use I was fine, weeks after use I was fine. It is now 2 years since the last time using it and my symptoms are only getting worse.

Short term effects of E use were nothing to me and is something why I kept doing it because I was seeing no effects at all. It is the long-term effects that is VERY scary. I can only wish that I read a post like this when I was first starting out.

I can't even remember the feeling of E anymore - and no not because it's been 2 years since i've done it, but because my memory is 1/10th what it once was. I still take the wrong exit when driving to my mother's house from which i've been there 150 times.

Trust me guys, the high of it is not worth the long-term effects. Please be careful when taking this drug that we all know very little about in terms of long-term effects.

StaySafe.
 
i think for a drug like mdma, a few times a year is more moderate than once every 3-4 weeks

ravers gonna rave though i guess
 
did you test your pills? pills seven years ago , according to ecstacy data, which is when you started, yes.... were much more unpure than back mdma became big in the usa , mdma sales exploded, in 1999-2000.

anyways , I did something similar thirty nights of rolling in six months and took a few years to feel like I balanced myself out fully. I feel strongly about people who do it even once a month, as I feel this is not enough time in between, and say three month minium and up to six months , a year or yes even years. however long it takes for you

I didnt want to even do the stuff ten plus years after I abused it, so personally it took me some time. I always went back to my memories of first two times rolling, with a best friend at the time, and remember how empathetic, magical, honest, and authentic I became with myself and the world around me Most ive ever do is once every three months minium and now that im older, have responsible , thats calling it close, because I have a career, a life, managing finances, a girlfriend, and dont want to associate fun times with drugs, although they are fun in the right set, setting and people you love, they can absoletelu mess your mind up and your life if ignorant , irresponsible use is done... I actually have the first cd I rolled back in 2000, my best friend at the time gave to me, who is in prison last time i heard from his mom, we stopped communicating because I told him to stop the crackhead lifestyle...anyways I listened to it last night and it got me really emotional and brought tears to my eyes thinking how ignorant I was back then and how easily I was influenced and got in with the wrong crowd for me
 
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When you say rolling do you mean taking mdma?? I hope you tested your shit because every 3-4 weeks is pushing responsible use. 1 month break is minimal 3 being optimal.
That being said if you live a healthy lifestyle (Lots of good foods, actively exercising, and getting plenty of rest every night.) I don't see how your memory wouldn't return. The brain is constantly changing and repairing your entire life. There is hope.
 
With the memory effects I have to say that I wouldn't diss original posters message. Though I'm somewhere near 50 years old and memory gets worse in that time, I did notice quick deteoriation of my short term memory with my first MDMA streak (10 months, more than 10, less than 20 usage times). Not sure if I've recovered or just adapted as brains do adapt quite well. Haven't had any disturbing events where I haven't had a clue what I did just minute ago, but certainly I don't have great memory.
Beware, MDMA might have effect on your memory, but then again, we are all individually affected by MDMA.
 
As someone who's suffered a relatively severe stroke (lucky* I was 17 at the time, so perhaps my brain was able to recover quicker), I can absolutely attest to the brain's ability to adapt and recover from damaging events. Having lost all motor control over the left side of my body and pretty much all sensation along with it, as well as the fact the clot was in my occipital lobe causing a loss of ability to focus properly, judge distance, and leaving me with a decent blind spot in my vision....at the time at least, I would never have imagined being back to where I am now, with regards to recovery and my brain's ability to take over from the damaged part's functions. My parents had more or less accepted the possibility of me being a wheelchair ridden veg.

Of course I'm not 100% recovered, and I doubt I ever will be short of future medical advancements being able to assist with regeneration of dead/lost brain tissue....but my point remains: the brain is fucking unreal in the way it can adapt to changes. On an MRI, you'd be able to see a small black 'hole' of sorts in my brain where the clot was, as there's no longer tissue there....so whatever role that small chunk of my brain was responsible for has been for the most part taken up by other parts.

My short term memory was fucked hard, and still somewhat is....but it's certainly leaps and bounds better than in the months after the incident.


This is a fairly hefty digression lol, but I'm sure somewhere in my ramblings you can see my point :)











*obviously I'm not lucky to have had a stroke, but more lucky that it happened when I was young and healthy
 
i can appreciate that the brain is an amazing thing, which has the power to regenerate.

but i don't think that if someone is considering taking mdma every month for a year, should think that because their brain will repair itself, they don't need to err on the side of caution when it comes to regular use of mdma. i think its better to play it safe when it comes to chemicals that seem to have some neurotoxic activity in regular use.
 
I did not test my pills at the time. That was definitely a mistake but still just trying to share some light on my situation. I am still 25 years old and have the memory of a 70 year old. Going to the movies now is sort of like a passtime getting me through the day because a month later I'll forget all about what happened in the movie.

I do live a very healthy life, exercise regularly, don't do drugs or smoke. It really was just a few bad years of my highschool/college life where I was a frequent raver.

I do have hope, i'm currently doing lots of cognitive learning exercises which include lots of memory-related games to try and "reteach" my brain. All in all, I would never EVER touch the drug again, despite how fun or good it used to make me feel
 
Mysterie said:
i think for a drug like mdma, a few times a year is more moderate than once every 3-4 weeks

ravers gonna rave though i guess
Click to expand...

light- one time a year or two at the most
moderate- three to four times a a year is moderate.
irresponsible use would be once every two months
abuse -once a month or less

I know some people disagree, this is my guidelines and this is from someone who has done mdma every other day for a couple weeks, fifteen years ago messed his brain up. took breaks, tried once every two months, experimented - so this is just what works for me, and it may work for you. One-thing these are my own guidelines I found though trial and error and research. Will this work for most? probably because the same principals apply

FuckWithRaw said:
When you say rolling do you mean taking mdma?? I hope you tested your shit because every 3-4 weeks is pushing responsible use. 1 month break is minimal 3 being optimal.
That being said if you live a healthy lifestyle (Lots of good foods, actively exercising, and getting plenty of rest every night.) I don't see how your memory wouldn't return. The brain is constantly changing and repairing your entire life. There is hope.
Click to expand...

I disagree once every 3-4 weeks is abuse (and ive been there, done that, and worse- fifteen years ago in my ignorance and messed my brain up temporarily) a three month break is minimal in my world.
Mysterie said:
i can appreciate that the brain is an amazing thing, which has the power to regenerate.

but i don't think that if someone is considering taking mdma every month for a year, should think that because their brain will repair itself, they don't need to err on the side of caution when it comes to regular use of mdma. i think its better to play it safe when it comes to chemicals that seem to have some neurotoxic activity in regular use.
Click to expand...

awesome, I like your thinking
 
I have to say that I did a lot of drugs before MDMA and none of them affected my memory like MDMA did until I started with benzos. Even the first time I took a pill (MDA, caffeine, meth - pills were dirty as fuck in 2004), I could tell a measurable loss especially when doing math which still to this day I haven't recovered. The really odd thing though is that the things that I lose in the short term generally pop into my longterm after a week or more passes. It's like some bridge was broken and my brain just doesn't have access to that region until the memories get committed to long term and then my usual photographic memory comes back.

Now if there was ever a case of abuse, mine would qualify. We didn't worry about long term effects back then and we went to a party every weekend at times and dropped anywhere from 4 pills and up in a night, with my highest count being in the teens for my 20th birthday party (I'm 30 now). My point though is that the damage seemed to happen my first time and was not related to abuse. My ongoing anxiety nightmare definitely has roots in my drug abuse as my first panic attack happened on the night of my 20th birthday when I smoked weed at the after party but there is definitely no doubt in my mind that MDMA and its related drugs can cause damage with a single use. My first time wasn't a bender either, I had 2 pills my first time
 
Practising Mathematics seems to be the best way to rebuild neurons from MDMA and amphetamine neurotoxicity...

I myself will never touch MDMA again. If I need to get euphoria and energy for a music concert or whatever the occasion, I just use oral methamp. Ofcourse, methamp is addicting so... Self-control.
 
OP I'm sorry to hear that your having problems with your memory. I do think that with MDMA being such a popular drug that if it had a serious effect on a persons memory we would be hearing a lot more problems linked to the drug.

Have you discussed with your doctor your previous drug use and has this been linked to your troubles?
 
MDMA has been shown in ex-users to cause a slight (30 percent) reduction in short term memory, but not like a "25 year old with the memory ability of a 70 year old" as you (the original poster) describe. Maybe you were getting adulterated or outright bunk MDMA, though, because I did MDMA more than you did with as little as 3 days breaks in-between (I last rolled in 2002 btw), and my memory is great.
 
Hey Dresden, do you have a cite for that figure? I'm interested in seeing how the 30% figure was determined and what it actually translates to.
 
I'm 32 years old and have been doing MDMA since I was 17. Frequencies have ranged from weekly to monthly to a hiatus of about 2 years. Typical dose for an evening of around ~150-220mg, all at once. Total count is god-knows what. I don't notice any negative results whatsoever except for the obvious loss of magic (Just like reading an incredible book or seeing a very moving movie scene doesn't have quite the same emotional effect on you the 25th time you watch it as it did the 1st.)

I don't really do raves anymore but my wife and I roll together at home pretty often, still. I work from home as a software develope/rconsultant and some of my most productive days of work come after a night of rolling, followed by Adderall throughout the next day.

Its different for everyone. Memory function testing is notoriously unreliable and subjective, the research methods are usually questionable and framed in the way most likely to produce the results the researcher expects, and the results are usually clouded by the unmeasured effects of various lifestyle differences and poly-drug use. What feels damaging to one may feel like nothing to another.
 
SixBuckets,

No, I don't keep track of citations. I only remember important conclusions I have read over the years. That study, which came out 3 to 5 years ago if I recall correctly, found that the average drug naive subject remembered 10 items on the memory test, while MDMA users remembered 7. The authors stressed that that was still within the normal range.

To the original poster,

I don't remember what MDMA felt like anymore, either, after so many years. It's just the nature of the high, I guess.
 
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